Brides with no father to give them away.

Original post by Regal Beagle

Nov 21, 2006 11:02 PM

Hi,
I am having my twin brother give me away at my wedding, but my FI wants him as a groomsmen.

What does etiquette say? I realize that these days everyone does what they want, but I was just wondering how others have handled it.

My mom keeps telling me that my brother has a role (giving me away) and that he should not be a groomsmen and that my sister's FI should take his place.

I have no idea what to do. If I leave my brother as a groomsmen and add my sister's FI, the parties will be uneven. Does that matter??

Please help!

Thanks

LBride Posted: Nov 22, 2006 07:42 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

you can just have all the guys up at the front on the beginning... and the girls walk alone, then he can walk you down and just scoot into place

jgl Posted: Nov 22, 2006 07:57 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

I would think that he could do both. Just have one girl walk down alone and have him join them after

portjeffbride Posted: Nov 22, 2006 09:06 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

well, this is not according to American tradition, but our cultural background makes my fatherless situation a non-issue...

Poles and Germans do not have their family 'giving the bride' to the husband. The bride, rather represents herself, and the bride and groom walk down the aisle together.

(German law requires an earlier town hall ceremony, so they are legally married before they are permitted to have a church ceremony.... another reason for walking down together...)

I know it seems odd to many of you, but it is a solution to that problem.

Barring walking down the aisle together, I'd personally have my mom walk me down, since your brother didn't raise you.... your mom did!

EastEndBride Posted: Nov 22, 2006 09:58 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

i'm having my mother give me away & my brother is being a groomsman for FH.
at first my mother thought my brother should give me away, but then i pointed out that she wouldn't get a special role that way. in the end i think she's happy that they both get to participate in the ceremony.
i wouldn't worry about having uneven #'s of guys & girls- i've seen it done a ton of times & its fine in my opinion.
i don't think there is a true ettiquette rule about who gives you away when there's no father present- just do what feels right for you & your family. i'm really pleased to give my mom that honor!

MimiMcG Posted: Nov 22, 2006 10:03 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

IMO you should have your brother give you away, because you want him too, and he should also be a groomsman because FH wants him to. Never mind what your mom wants, it is your wedding.

dancerandchef Posted: Nov 23, 2006 01:33 PM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

It's your wedding and your choice. My dad passed away 10 years ago due to cancer. I always thought that he would walk me down the aisle. I decided that my godfather who is also my uncle will give me away. He is very happy to be given this opportunity.

dancer

cmc Posted: Nov 24, 2006 01:44 AM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

I went down the isle by myself. I preferred to do it that way.

Tiara14 Posted: Nov 24, 2006 01:59 AM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

This is such a difficult and personal decision. I've been struggling with who to ask since we got engaged... I think most girls who had a good relationship with their father envisions him 'giving her away' and dancing to 'Daddy's Little Girl' or something of the like at the reception. It's so unfortunate to lose a loved one.

I believe you should ask whomever feels right. This is up to you. However, if we were going with tradition - I'd think a brother would walk his sister down the aisle in absence of their father. Best of luck to you in your decision! As for me, the jury's still out...

Regal Beagle Posted: Nov 24, 2006 08:34 AM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

You see, my father is still alive, but we do not speak.
My mother kicked him out when we were younger and my father has never done anything to redeem himself.

It is sad to say my father is not a good, decent man and I wish things were different.

My brother is my next and only choice. After all, he is my twin! He has been the only man protecting me my whole life (except for FH).

I spoke to him about it yesterday and we were joking about what song we will dance to. He was joking around with me saying 'I'll, I'm not dancing with you!'

Playing his usual brother role.

I want ot thank all of the ladies here for responding. I really appreciate your input.

Jayla127 Posted: Nov 25, 2006 01:39 AM

Re: Brides with no father to give them away.

My best friend is giving me away. I would'nt have it any other way. My mom and stepfather have been married for 35 yrs. but we don't have a good relationship. My biological father passed away when I was 1yrs old.