I have not yet asked my childhood best friend to be a bridesmaid. I had always planned to ask her- we've been best friends for 20 years.
so last August I moved from LI to Queens with FH (my parents live 2 blocks away from my friend, so we were nearby). Since then, I've seen her maybe once or twice. I always try and make an effort to hang out with her, and she either flakes or doesn't respond to my texts or calls, etc. I've been having second thoughts about asking her to be a BM for awhile, but last night really put the icing on the cake. Last night was my birthday party- and leading up to it she told me she was gonna try her best to come- that she might have to babysit and she needed to do it bc money is tight. Well, I texted her Thursday about where my party was going to be, never heard from her. Yesterday rolls around, she never texts me or calls me, and obvs doesn't show up at my party. I checked FB and she was def not babysitting last night. I'm really annoyed that she couldn't even have the decency to call or text me that she wasn't coming.
Now I'm really thinking I shouldn't ask her to be a bridesmaid, bc clearly I can't depend on her to show up for things. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? TIA!
Kristin31613
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
It's a tuff situation. My first instinct is to say, do not ask her but it is hard. I did not ask one of my close friends for similar reasons. She moved to Fl with her mom, money is tight and she can be a flaky friend. (She never called to congratulate me on my engagement but rather text me how she wants to call me, it irritated me, PICK UP THE PHONE!!!) Currently we are both BM's for a mutual friend and she cannot take part in the bridal shower or bach. We all understand that bc of distance, it is hard but when emails go out, normally she doesn't respond with an ideas or input or if she does it is, no joke, 2 weeks later. She also cannot contribute monetarily to either, which puts a greater burden on the rest of us. Another mutual friend actually told me she is going to ask the bride to tell her to not give her a gift but to just say, being here is gift enough. I have mixed feelings bc she is 32 and has known about this for months. You can't save ANYTHING? IDK, sometimes I wonder if I am being too harsh. It took a lot of courage for me to NOT ask her bc obviously the easy way out is to have her in it but after venting my trepidation to my MOH, she actually pleaded with me to NOT have her in bc it was going to be more work for her and the other BM's. Instead I asked one of my cousins, who was over the moon and delighted and it made me feel better.
I am sorry I went on a rant about my sitch. It really is hard. Part of me thinks I need to pick up the phone and clear the air but another part wonders if it is necessary. Ugh.
Let me know what you decide to do!
adele and mark 2013
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
wow, that's a bummer. What is her dsting status? If she's single, is it possible she's feeling some resentment towards your engagement? I'd try to hang out with her on a random Friday/Saturday night, just as besties with no mention of wedding stuff at all, to see what's going on. Your bridal party should be about who you want closest to you on your special day. My bestie/MOH lives in Arizona and won't be able to plan much, and I did my best when I was her MOH a few years ago but it was hard. I wasn't at any meetings, no dress fittings, I saw her dress in a text message. I've got family here who will keep her in the loop of planning. Ultimately it isn't about what she or I could help out with, it was about who we want standing with us. Perhaps get things out in the open and then decide how to include her in your wedding. Good Luck
mf324
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
Posted by Kristin31613
It's a tuff situation. My first instinct is to say, do not ask her but it is hard. I did not ask one of my close friends for similar reasons. She moved to Fl with her mom, money is tight and she can be a flaky friend. (She never called to congratulate me on my engagement but rather text me how she wants to call me, it irritated me, PICK UP THE PHONE!!!) Currently we are both BM's for a mutual friend and she cannot take part in the bridal shower or bach. We all understand that bc of distance, it is hard but when emails go out, normally she doesn't respond with an ideas or input or if she does it is, no joke, 2 weeks later. She also cannot contribute monetarily to either, which puts a greater burden on the rest of us. Another mutual friend actually told me she is going to ask the bride to tell her to not give her a gift but to just say, being here is gift enough. I have mixed feelings bc she is 32 and has known about this for months. You can't save ANYTHING? IDK, sometimes I wonder if I am being too harsh. It took a lot of courage for me to NOT ask her bc obviously the easy way out is to have her in it but after venting my trepidation to my MOH, she actually pleaded with me to NOT have her in bc it was going to be more work for her and the other BM's. Instead I asked one of my cousins, who was over the moon and delighted and it made me feel better.
I am sorry I went on a rant about my sitch. It really is hard. Part of me thinks I need to pick up the phone and clear the air but another part wonders if it is necessary. Ugh.
Let me know what you decide to do!
thanks! and wow, that is another tough situation. but it sounds like you made the right decision with not asking her. i talked to one of my close friends who is also a BM last night- and told her what was going on and she was like i def wouldn't ask her if i were you. then i talked to my sister who is my MOH and she was like- its ****** what shes doing, but at the same time she has known you so long and has always been a good and loyal friend up till now.. ugh. so hard! i will def keep you updated.
mf324
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
Posted by adele and mark 2013
wow, that's a bummer. What is her dsting status? If she's single, is it possible she's feeling some resentment towards your engagement? I'd try to hang out with her on a random Friday/Saturday night, just as besties with no mention of wedding stuff at all, to see what's going on. Your bridal party should be about who you want closest to you on your special day. My bestie/MOH lives in Arizona and won't be able to plan much, and I did my best when I was her MOH a few years ago but it was hard. I wasn't at any meetings, no dress fittings, I saw her dress in a text message. I've got family here who will keep her in the loop of planning. Ultimately it isn't about what she or I could help out with, it was about who we want standing with us. Perhaps get things out in the open and then decide how to include her in your wedding. Good Luck
she just recently started a new relationship-- which i think has a lot to do with her being flaky recently.. but doesn't explain all of the months when she was single. i think i am going to try and hang out with her soon to talk-- but the question is whether she will actually make the effort and see me.
Kristin31613
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
If you set up a time to hang out and she ditches you then I think you will have your answer!
futurearias
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
Posted by Kristin31613
If you set up a time to hang out and she ditches you then I think you will have your answer!
scottsbride
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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma
I had a very similar situation. I have a friend since hs but she is very wrapped up in her own life and she hardly talks to me anymore unless I text her first. Its kind of getting annoying. I have decided not to put her in my wedding although she will be invited as a guest.
