Bridesmaid Drama

I'm going to try and explain the situation as short as possible without seeming like a total b*tch.

I have three sisters. I really only get along with one of them. Out of, I guess, a sense of obligation (and not wanting to hear it from my stepmom) I asked all three of them to be bridesmaids. And almost immediately regretted that decision. One of my sisters is one of those people who takes every situation and turns it into something about them. If something bad happened to you, something 20x worse happened to her. One of those. As an example, when I got engaged and posted the pic on FB, her only comment was 'It looks just like mine' WHO SAYS THAT?!?

Already she's caused me so much stress. My MOH (my bff, none of my sisters made the cut, lol) started a FB group for all of the girls (we're all over the country) in the wedding so we can all keep in touch and chat about wedding stuff. My one sister goes on these rants about things that are just off the wall. There are people in this group that are complete strangers to her, but she goes on these rants about how her divorce is stressing her out and she wants to sell her wedding rings to be able to afford to be in my wedding.

Another problem with sisters is, this one is texting another sister about how she can't afford it, she doesn't know how she's going to fly up here (she lives in FL), she's pissed that I'm not allowing kids at my wedding, etc etc etc. And the other sister is telling ME all of this. I want to be an only child so bad.

When I asked them all to be in my wedding, I knew that it would be a financial strain. I gave them all an out. I said, if you can't afford it I won't be hurt or offended and I'll find another way for you to be part of the day (as a reader during the ceremony, etc). And they were all SO EXCITED to be in the wedding, said yes without hesitating.

So, how do I bring it up again? What's a nice way to say, I know you can't afford it so it's ok to drop out? I don't want it to seem like I'm kicking her out, but I really want to kick her out. I'm really not a bad person, I promise, lol. But, it's really to the point that my friends who don't know my sister and are also in the wedding are texting me like, so what's up with your sister?

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

LOL!!! Oh dear....I am only laughing because of the craziness of how they sound! Definitely just say something like 'If it's too much for you, I won't be hurt if you need to back out of the wedding. I don't want this day to be a source of stress for you.'

I had one bridesmaid who lives in California tell me that in different wording, lol. The only thing is my family would have paid her expenses (she's family too) but she wouldn't hear of it.

But yeah, bowing out is perfectly acceptable.

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

I am one of three girls, and one of my two sisters isn't in my bridal party.. She was in my other sister's BP and caused alot of stress and eventually dropped out of the party because, as she puts it, she 'doesn't get along well with others'... She's also in law school so i decided to have a convo with her and see how she felt about being in the party, and thankfully she declined and said she will help out where she can, she will attend the bachelorette, and will do a reading @ the wedding...

It sounds like this sister of yours is alot like mine, because she likes to complain abt. money and stuff like that. I think if you have a convo with her and say she will be included in everything and can do a reading, she might feel more comfortable money-wise

Re: Bridesmaid Drama

Thanks for making me feel not crazy!

Buuuuuttt, I tried to have a convo with her today and still...

She said, well I don't want to be the only one not in your wedding. Everyone will wonder why Kelly and Steph are and I'M not. I, me, I, me, I, me. Everything out of her mouth. I can't.

I'm going to have to go over her head. It's time to get mom involved.

(Thanks for listening to me rant! Love you ladies!)

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

Haha aww! Yes involve the mother!

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

Seriously I would show your mom the page and say 'what do I do. I have given her ample opportunity to back out cause I knw she cannot afford it adn she is making me look like the bad guy for even asking her?' I knew my brother couldnt afford it so I told FH not to even ask him I do not want him to be a burden onhis cousins.

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

Im sorry you're going through this. Let us know how it works out b/c ur def not crazy. I wouldn't want that toxic vibe in my bridal party either. Getting ur mom involved is a good idea, if you think she'll be on ur side!

I have a bridesmaid in my bridal party that I wish i didn't ask b/c she became a little crazy and wayyyy to self absorbed when she was planning her wedding, I was giddy about her wedding being over. I woke up the day after her wedding feeling like the wt of the world was off my shoulders...I couldn't stop smiling. How sad is that!? And now I feel like asking her to step down will cause a war between everyone. So I'm just kinda stuck...I don't really know what to do about her. I am hoping that she eventually backs out...

Good Luck, & I feel ur pain!!!

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

its always a touchy situation when you feel obligated to ask family members and they feel obligated to say yes lol.
keep us updated on what goes down when you involve mom! lol

Re: Bridesmaid Drama

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Posted by Terriechick

Seriously I would show your mom the page and say 'what do I do. I have given her ample opportunity to back out cause I knw she cannot afford it adn she is making me look like the bad guy for even asking her?' I knew my brother couldnt afford it so I told FH not to even ask him I do not want him to be a burden onhis cousins.

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I agree. Get Mom involved. Show her the page and maybe even the texts your other sis got if she still has them. You are very eloquent. You will know how to word it so you don't come of sounding like you are putting your sis down, while still needing something to be said or done and keep the peace.

Good luck.

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

I was in the same situation with my bridesmaids and honestly I said just that. I said that it seemed my wedding was a burden and if they can't help make it a joyous occasion then please back out. I didn't feel like hearing the complaining about a thing anymore and if they felt like that couldn't be done then please tell me now. It comes to a point where when you're stressed enough and the people who are supposed to be closest to you/helping you are making it worse, you have to speak up. It's your day!!! It came to a point where I honestly felt like if you couldn't be happy for me or not make it about you then bye. It's not reality that everyone is going to be happy go lucky all the time, but your wedding is not the time you should be worrying about whether or not your bridesmaids are going to complain or be self-seeking. Weddings bring out the best and worst in people!

Good luck!!

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

Oh that 20x worse happen to me thing kills me I can't stand those people lol. Sorry your sisters are causing you aggravation. My sister is my matron and we don't get a long that great so I can sympathize. So anything wedding related we have completely different taste on so I stopped asking her opinion lol. I did the same for my girls and gave them the same out. I know one of my bridesmaids constantly complains about money so I told one of the other bridesmaids who is also friends with her. If she pulls the I don't have any money so do what you guys want deal (she is sorta known for it) to tell me and then that's when I would be like listen I know you can't afford it I'm not hurt by you not being in the bridal party. I say have the talk.

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

I am one of 9 girls. I am only close with 2. I can't even begin to figure it out!

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

If you've invited all of your three sisters,then the decisin can not be changed...Or they may be hurt..

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

I went throught something similiar with my MOH and now I'm having issues with my FSILs who are my bridesmaids. I don't think you're crazy at all. It's a tough situation, but you really have to do what makes you happy, because it is your day. When I asked my MOH and she said sure, and then right away (and still is might I add) with the money situation, I nicely said to her that if it is too much of a financial strain please let me know and I can have you do something else to be part of the day. Wedding planning is stressful enough without all of this other stuff going on. Be honest now because you don't need anymore stressors at your wedding.

Bridesmaid Drama - Long Island Weddings

That's a tough situation. I personally think that, if you've asked all 3 of them to be a part of your wedding THEY would have to choose to back out. I get that she's making everything about her, but in her defense that's an awkward situation for both of you in the end. However the sister that's telling you everything, well she needs to shut up. No one should be adding any more stress to the bride - that's just not acceptable.

Maybe sit down with all 3 of them and have a heart to heart with them? Say exactly what's on your mind, but in a nice way. Either way, this isn't easy, so lots of luck to you hun!!

Re: Bridesmaid Drama

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Posted by ASemderWedding

That's a tough situation. I personally think that, if you've asked all 3 of them to be a part of your wedding THEY would have to choose to back out. I get that she's making everything about her, but in her defense that's an awkward situation for both of you in the end. However the sister that's telling you everything, well she needs to shut up. No one should be adding any more stress to the bride - that's just not acceptable.

Maybe sit down with all 3 of them and have a heart to heart with them? Say exactly what's on your mind, but in a nice way. Either way, this isn't easy, so lots of luck to you hun!!

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I agree with this- even though one of the sister's is being really rude and talking about you, the other sister shouldn't be telling you everything she is saying because it's just not fair to you. Maybe have a convo with the sister that you get along with and ask her to just handle it and not tell you anymore because you'd just rather not know.