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Bridesmaid Issue

Mindyepo Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

I have one MOH and one Bridesmaid. My MOH has been beyond amazing helping with absolutely everything and she just threw me the most amazing bridal shower ever! My bridesmaid on the other hand is a totally different story. But first a little background. We've been friends for about 9 years now but she lives in MD and we went a few years without talking. Not cause of a fight or anything, just life. She has 3 small children and is modern orthodox Jewish (I'm Jewish too but FH is not). She's also super scatterbrained and has always been.

So, over the past few months I've tried to reach her for a few weeks and she won't answer my emails then all of a sudden she'll call me apologizing like crazy and asking what's going on with the wedding and she's so exited etc. I never get mad cause I know her schedule is crazy and she has the kids and everything but a little part of me is like can't you just write back and say sorry so busy will call you as soon as I can.

I know my MOH (they only met for the first time a few months ago) has reached out to her and she ignores her too. Now after my bridal shower I asked MOH did you ask Bridesmaid for any input on the shower and she said yes but she didn't really have any. And she asked Bridesmaid if she wanted to contribute to the recipe box for the shower but she never answered her. She didn't even send me a card. Also she still hasn't gotten her dress (wedding is in a little less than 3 months) cause she's ordering it online because it has to be more modest that MOH's dress.

Whenever we talk it's like she's so excited and so sorry she's been busy etc. But to not even send a card for my shower. I have to admit that upsets me a little. Especially because I always send her kids gifts for their birthdays. I don't know if I'm making excuses for her or not all these months and I don't know if I should talk to her about it or not. I do now she's the type of person that if she doesn't call you for a month she'll never call because it's too late to call and she feels embarrassed that she hasn't called in so long (FH is like this too, it's so weird to me)

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be this long. Thanks for listening! Please give me your input. I really don't know what to do because I know she's not doing this maliciously but it still hurts!
McC2McM Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

She's probably been this way for most of her life....just more obvious now with her children and busy life. With 3 young children, she may be overwhelmed. I think you may need to change your expectation of her. Most of us like our 'maids' to be a little doting, but some are just not equipped. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you and value your friendship...I'm sure that she does. Her responsibilities may just begin and end at walking down the aisle.

MrsB92713 Posted:

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

Posted by McC2McM

She's probably been this way for most of her life....just more obvious now with her children and busy life. With 3 young children, she may be overwhelmed. I think you may need to change your expectation of her. Most of us like our 'maids' to be a little doting, but some are just not equipped. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you and value your friendship...I'm sure that she does. Her responsibilities may just begin and end at walking down the aisle.


This. I have 7 girls (2 mohs and 5 maids) and not all of them are as attentive as the others, and some are practically smothering. Its just how their personalities are. Sounds like your MOH is doing a fantastic job though!
MarryTheNight24 Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I get the feeling that she really doesn't mean to upset you. Not everyone can juggle a million responsibilities at once. I totally agree that she could at least respond back that shes busy, but you said she's always been a scatterbrain and I'm sure that 3 children would be overwhelming for anyone. I don't think you should say anything now. If this is really effecting you after the wedding maybe bring it up then, but I wouldn't start this a few weeks away from your wedding.

vanillataco Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

I agree with what is everyone is saying. I feel like we all have this expectation of the perfect bridesmaid and when someone deviates from that idea, we assume they don't care. I have a close friend similar to your bridesmaid but instead of children she is consumed with work. That's just how she is but I know she cares and if I needed her she would lend an ear.

Don't get too upset. This is how some people are.
Mindyepo Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

Thanks so much ladies! You are all so right! Honestly that's what I've been thinking but then I thought maybe I'm being too easy on her and should just say something. McC2McM is right I just have to think that her only responsibility is walking down the aisle. Thanks everyone for making me feel better!!!!

jassy119 Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

I agree with what the rest of the ladies are saying but at the same time she accepted the role as bridesmaid so with that comes at least a bit of responsibility. She obviously has a lot going on, but to not return a call or email and to not at least send a card for your shower?? I'd be upset also. If its something that is really bothering you I would speak up about it and just let her know how you are feeling.

agilbe23 Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

I am going through a similar situation. My cousin is one of my bridesmaids and she pulls the same stuff (not answering emails, my MOG told me she hasn't been involved in the bridal shower and was complaining about it, etc). It came to a point where I just flat out asked her what the deal was. I told her that I asked her to be a bridesmaid and if she didn't want to or I don't 'fit into her schedule', she didn't have to say yes. We talked, I explained why I felt that way, and now things are on track. You don't have to be confrontational.. just bring it to her attention that she says she's excited but her actions say otherwise!

Karin Posted:

Bridesmaid Issue

Things like this are the reason I have grown to really appreciate those friends who are always there for you no matter how busy they are. Even if they only have a minute to spare, it is so nice to know that your friendship and your wedding is important to them. It has changed the way I think about people and has made me examine my own behavior

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