I know I've been a kind of floater on here but I think I need some advice. We finally booked Swan Club for 8/14/14 and I'm already running into a problem. I got engaged back in November and asked my best friends be my bridesmaids and my sister to be the MOH. They all said yes so there should be no problem, right? Well, someone who I've been friends with for 21 years has now decided that she is automatically a BM since we're close family friends (even though I never asked her). Also, due to my cousin's reaction when I asked (told me I can't make her look bad and that I'm not in hers so she hopes it isn't a problem) and family drama, I don't want her in it either. So, how should I tell the family friend she's not in it and kick my cousin out without causing more drama and keeping peace with my blood family AND my second family? Should I just go with it and allow everyone to be a BM so I don't cause problems? TIA!
meejack1110
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Bridesmaids Problem
Oh boy. I don't think there is anyway you can easily do this..but with that being said I 100% believe you should go with your gut, and only have who you truly want in your party. For the family friend, there are two ways. One- have the embarrassing conversation where you explain that she assumed wrong, and she is not in the bridal party (I just have too many friends...or we wanted a small bridal party..or I didn't want to overload you with so much responsibility yada yada) or Two- my personal fav, the passive aggressive route, where you publicly list/or announce, or post pictures saying 'this is my briday party....' and hope she notices shes not in the pics/on the list. lol a little risky but I'm not a fan of confrontation... With your cousin it's a tougher situation. If you have other cousins you can maybe explain that after thinking it through you thought it may not be right to have her and not the other cousins. Or you can be honest and say 'I'm worried about you being a BM because of x,y,z..' and see what she says.
However you handle it, I hope it goes well..and Happy Planning.
Chippster7
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Bridesmaids Problem
Thanks! I'm more on the quiet, non-confrontational, very passive side. (I've been trying to ask for a raise for the past three months and haven't actually said anything to my boss). Would it be terrible to do it through a text/facebook rather than in person/on the phone? Thanks again! :)
meejack1110
Posted:
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Bridesmaids Problem
I think you can do the causal announcement of your bridal party on fb so your family friend can see she isn't on it. But I think to boot your cousin you will probably have to at least call her...it's a sticky situation and family can get easily torn apart, so do your best to stay calm but tell her respectfully.
Best of Luck!
brnnglgn
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Re: Bridesmaids Problem
I was in my family friend's wedding along with the rest of us 'cousins'. For my wedding I have not asked any of them to be in my bridal party bc I am already having more people then what I wanted. But I know that when the time comes I will hear it from that family bc we are all 'cousin's'. I really think that you need to do what is best for you
Poggi
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Bridesmaids Problem
I definitely think you should do what you want and have who you want in your bridal party. However, I don't think there is an easy way to do it without hurting feelings. That being said, I think making an announcement on Facebook of who the bridal party is will cause more hurt feelings then having a conversation with the family friend about why you are not having them. As for your cousin I would be honest with her and let her know that her reaction upset you and you don't want the conflict of not being in her party to cause problems down the road like she implied it might.
Whatever route you go there will prob be drama. Just remind yourself and those that you're dealing with that its a wedding and a bridal party, it shouldn't be something that drives a wedge between family members and friends. It should be a time when people are happy for you even if your choices are not ones they are happy about. Hopefully your friend and your cousin have some perspective on the important things in life and don't hold on to this.
Good luck!
Chippster7
Posted:
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Bridesmaids Problem
I made an alarm to talk to my cousin about it today so I won't chicken out. As for my friend, her dad's a lawyer and she's an actress so she's got the drama AND the debating skills and I have neither. Although, I think I know what I'm going to say to her so that's a plus. Thanks for the great advice everyone! :)
Brunettelizzie29
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Bridesmaids Problem
It's your wedding day & you should include in your bridal who you want, nobody should automatically assume they are in it. As much as I didn't want to offend any of my friends that I have known for many years..I only chose who I'm close with and who will appreciate it. I'm sure if you talk to your long time friend and explain that you want to keep your bridal party small, or I agree and post a pic of your bridal party & hope she gets the hint and doesn't start a FB argument for others to see. If you don't want to confront anyone a text is always the next way to go. Wish you luck in the decision you make!
