Bridezilla? Honest opinion (kind of long)

So - I decided to have a VERY small engagement party at a restaurant. We are only having the bridal party, our readers and immediate family. For those that have significant others, we are inviting them with dates.

One of my BM's dates a lot of people. She will date someone for 2 weeks and move on. I wasn't going to invite her with a date, until one of my other BM's told me that her and the guy she has been on 3 dates with are officially BF and GF

She calls me up and goes 'guess what, I'm bringing a date to your party'. . .I hadn't invited her with a guest, but that is fine. I respond to her and ask her who, etc. Then I told her that I didn't mind if she brought him, but I want to meet him before that night. She responds 'you can meet him there'

I told her that I'm having a small gathering with my closest friends and family and I don't want to have to meet him there. I have close friends that I didn't invite because we were keeping it small, and I while I don't mind her bringing her new SO, I don't think I should have to meet him that night - she should make an effort for all of us to meet up prior. The party is still over a month away, and I don't think that I was saying something unreasonable There is plenty of time to set up dinner or drinks.

So she hung out with one of the other BMs last night, and told her that I'm obviously already getting 'bridezilla-ish' After she went home, my other BM who she had said this to called and told me. . .

I am really offended and just wanted your opinions. Was I being unreasonable or rude? I simply didn't wanted her bringing the fling of the week when I didn't invite lots of people that I would love to have there.

This was half vent / half question, thanks for listening

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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i agree and its what i was gonna say

you should've said oh i would love to meet your new bf, lets set something up real soon instead of well in order for you to bring him then i have to meet him

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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Posted by Kimbalina

If you told her not to bring him and she would be the only one there with out a date then I would let her bring him.

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She wouldn't be the only one.

I don't think you are wrong.

See I am probably in the minority here though since I don't feel like following the etiquette of inviting all guests over 18 with a date. Fh and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and we paid for our engagement party ourselves. We weren;t inviting some of my older cousins with dates even though they are 22 and 25. One doesnt have a gf and the other is alwyas on and off with different girls. He definitely has a flavor of hte week. So he wasnt invitied to my e-party with a guest and he wont be invited to hte wedding with one.

But I think that is the least she can do is introduce you before your e-party. I mean like you said he might not even be at the wedding because she is always dating different men. At least for repsect out of you since oyu are paying she should go to dinner or drinks with fh, you and her new bf.

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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in the OP you said that you are having a small gathering with friends and for her to bring him to that bc you dont want to meet him for the first time at the e-party, so now its become more of an ultimatum rather than an interest in her bf...honestly i am a person that hates being told I HAVE to do something, and ill end up doing the exact opposite...i know you have good intentions and didn't mean it in a bad way and you were probably just thrown off guard when she said shes bringing her new bf but just try to see it from her part. If someone turned around and said oh i want to meet your new bf lets make plans then that would be different...i dont like being forced into situations

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Posted by futuremrspalomino

Are you guys really busy that you might not be able to get together before then? If not, then I don't think its really that much to ask for to meet her new boyfriend. I dunno though, some people take things differently, I would just tell her that you just want to meet him because there dating, not just because of your engagement party? this way she doesn't have anything to complain about

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There is def enough time to meet up. Maybe I made it sound like I only wanted to meet him or he couldn't come - I want to meet him regardless, but I feel like if you're ready to bring a date to my e-party and we're such close friends, why wouldn't you plan on bringing him around first?

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by futuremrspalomino

Are you guys really busy that you might not be able to get together before then? If not, then I don't think its really that much to ask for to meet her new boyfriend. I dunno though, some people take things differently, I would just tell her that you just want to meet him because there dating, not just because of your engagement party? this way she doesn't have anything to complain about

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There is def enough time to meet up. Maybe I made it sound like I only wanted to meet him or he couldn't come - I want to meet him regardless, but I feel like if you're ready to bring a date to my e-party and we're such close friends, why wouldn't you plan on bringing him around first?

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maybe she was planning on it but she didn't want it under the circumstances of an ultimatum...for example when I met FH if my friends turned to me and said 'OH we BETTER meet him within a month' and if not he can't come to so and so event then i would say ok you're not meeting him within a month...Also the thing is that the focus was more around him being at your e-party rather than even the fact that this is her new bf and yes she might change bf's alot but she is still your friend and she wants to see an interest in him and not everything being just about your party but an interest in her life.

Also, it is very possible for it to be hard to make plans in a months notice...theres times my friends and i go that long with trying to make plans and our schedules not working...FH and i have had weddings, e-parties, and a bunch of things every weekend, and our friends have alot going on and its been real hard to find a weekend to do it.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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in the OP you said that you are having a small gathering with friends and for her to bring him to that bc you dont want to meet him for the first time at the e-party, so now its become more of an ultimatum rather than an interest in her bf...honestly i am a person that hates being told I HAVE to do something, and ill end up doing the exact opposite...i know you have good intentions and didn't mean it in a bad way and you were probably just thrown off guard when she said shes bringing her new bf but just try to see it from her part. If someone turned around and said oh i want to meet your new bf lets make plans then that would be different...i dont like being forced into situations

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I get what you're saying and I know you weren't suggesting I meant it in a bad way. Maybe that is how she took it, but it wasn't meant like that. It was more because I just didn't want her bringing someone random to the party. Atleast if she brings him around, he's probably more than a flavor of the week. Next time I talk to her I'll figure out when we can all hang out and not mention the party.

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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in the OP you said that you are having a small gathering with friends and for her to bring him to that bc you dont want to meet him for the first time at the e-party, so now its become more of an ultimatum rather than an interest in her bf...honestly i am a person that hates being told I HAVE to do something, and ill end up doing the exact opposite...i know you have good intentions and didn't mean it in a bad way and you were probably just thrown off guard when she said shes bringing her new bf but just try to see it from her part. If someone turned around and said oh i want to meet your new bf lets make plans then that would be different...i dont like being forced into situations

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I get what you're saying and I know you weren't suggesting I meant it in a bad way. Maybe that is how she took it, but it wasn't meant like that. It was more because I just didn't want her bringing someone random to the party. Atleast if she brings him around, he's probably more than a flavor of the week. Next time I talk to her I'll figure out when we can all hang out and not mention the party.

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yeah you were caught off guard so its understandable...call her and try to set up plans but make it sound like its just bc youre interested in meeting her new guy not bc you want tomeet him before your party.

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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in the OP you said that you are having a small gathering with friends and for her to bring him to that bc you dont want to meet him for the first time at the e-party, so now its become more of an ultimatum rather than an interest in her bf...honestly i am a person that hates being told I HAVE to do something, and ill end up doing the exact opposite...i know you have good intentions and didn't mean it in a bad way and you were probably just thrown off guard when she said shes bringing her new bf but just try to see it from her part. If someone turned around and said oh i want to meet your new bf lets make plans then that would be different...i dont like being forced into situations

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I get what you're saying and I know you weren't suggesting I meant it in a bad way. Maybe that is how she took it, but it wasn't meant like that. It was more because I just didn't want her bringing someone random to the party. Atleast if she brings him around, he's probably more than a flavor of the week. Next time I talk to her I'll figure out when we can all hang out and not mention the party.

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I think thats your best bet to just ask to hang out without mentioning the party, this way you get to meet him, and she doesn't feel forced to do anything ya know

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Posted by Espo22

maybe she was planning on it but she didn't want it under the circumstances of an ultimatum...for example when I met FH if my friends turned to me and said 'OH we BETTER meet him within a month' and if not he can't come to so and so event then i would say ok you're not meeting him within a month...Also the thing is that the focus was more around him being at your e-party rather than even the fact that this is her new bf and yes she might change bf's alot but she is still your friend and she wants to see an interest in him and not everything being just about your party but an interest in her life.

Also, it is very possible for it to be hard to make plans in a months notice...theres times my friends and i go that long with trying to make plans and our schedules not working...FH and i have had weddings, e-parties, and a bunch of things every weekend, and our friends have alot going on and its been real hard to find a weekend to do it.

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She doesn't have engagement parties and weddings coming up - when we talk to her on weekends she usually out on a date. . . and maybe my OP was misleading but I wasn't that harsh with her. . .I really just said that it is a small party and I'd like to meet him first (and I said it in a nice tone). But she probably took it the way you did, so that is probably why she got so worked up.

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Posted by futuremrspalomino

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by zoe282

I don't think its unreasonable to want to meet this guy, but I think by saying you want to meet him because he is coming to your engagment party, you could come off sounding bad. You should say that you want to meet him b/c he's your friends boyfriend, and that you'd think that your friend would want you to meet him.

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I see that - obviously that is a big part of it. . .I didn't tell her that I wanted to meet him SO he could come to my party, I just wanted to meet him before he came. She dates guys and doesn't bring them around because they come and go very quickly sometimes. I'm not being mean, I just feel like if he's serious enough to bring to the party, he should be serious enough for her to introduce him to us. I don't want her just bringing someone for the sake of bringing a date.

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in the OP you said that you are having a small gathering with friends and for her to bring him to that bc you dont want to meet him for the first time at the e-party, so now its become more of an ultimatum rather than an interest in her bf...honestly i am a person that hates being told I HAVE to do something, and ill end up doing the exact opposite...i know you have good intentions and didn't mean it in a bad way and you were probably just thrown off guard when she said shes bringing her new bf but just try to see it from her part. If someone turned around and said oh i want to meet your new bf lets make plans then that would be different...i dont like being forced into situations

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I get what you're saying and I know you weren't suggesting I meant it in a bad way. Maybe that is how she took it, but it wasn't meant like that. It was more because I just didn't want her bringing someone random to the party. Atleast if she brings him around, he's probably more than a flavor of the week. Next time I talk to her I'll figure out when we can all hang out and not mention the party.

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I think thats your best bet to just ask to hang out without mentioning the party, this way you get to meet him, and she doesn't feel forced to do anything ya know

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No I get it - probably just came out the wrong way.

Thanks for the insight girls, I appreciate your help

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Posted by MrsHtobe

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Posted by Espo22

maybe she was planning on it but she didn't want it under the circumstances of an ultimatum...for example when I met FH if my friends turned to me and said 'OH we BETTER meet him within a month' and if not he can't come to so and so event then i would say ok you're not meeting him within a month...Also the thing is that the focus was more around him being at your e-party rather than even the fact that this is her new bf and yes she might change bf's alot but she is still your friend and she wants to see an interest in him and not everything being just about your party but an interest in her life.

Also, it is very possible for it to be hard to make plans in a months notice...theres times my friends and i go that long with trying to make plans and our schedules not working...FH and i have had weddings, e-parties, and a bunch of things every weekend, and our friends have alot going on and its been real hard to find a weekend to do it.

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She doesn't have engagement parties and weddings coming up - when we talk to her on weekends she usually out on a date. . . and maybe my OP was misleading but I wasn't that harsh with her. . .I really just said that it is a small party and I'd like to meet him first (and I said it in a nice tone). But she probably took it the way you did, so that is probably why she got so worked up.

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well i didnt mean weddings or engagement parties, i just meant thats what ive had the past weekends for everyone its different...for my friend it was moving into a new house, others it was birthday parties or whatever the case might be.

Just extend the invitation again for the small gathering...if she brings it up again say youre sorry it came out the wrong way and want to meet her new bf

IMHO.................

It's your party and if you are having close friends and family there, you should know the guest of someone in your bridal party. There shouldn't be a debate and no one should throw the term Bridezilla around. It's not like your having 500 people at your EParty, you want it small and quaint, and you have every right to know all the guests.