Call off the Wedding? *UPDATED*

I may need to call off my wedding.

Not the marriage. FH and I want to get married and plan to do it regardless...

HOWEVER, FH has serious social anxiety and the more he thinks about being in a large group of people and being the focus of their attention - the more nervous he gets.

It didn't bother him initially - but he has recently decided to stop drinking altogether - so without that 'safety belt' the idea is making him sick to his stomach.

I feel really bad for him and I want to help. But we spent SO MUCH MONEY already! We paid $10.000 to the hall, $5000 to the photographer, $700 on the dress... you get the picture.

I don't know what to do!

He wants to go to town hall and get married - as in TODAY if we could. But he is not so sure he can do the whole WEDDING thing.

Guys... my wedding is in 64 days!

I really need some prayers from you guys while we work through this.

Thank you.

Well FH and I had a very long discussion. He saw a therapist last week and although he isn't positive he wants to be bothered going back - he has decided that he does want to go through with the wedding.

I told him that I don't care about the money and I don't care about the party - but that I need him to be okay. And that if he was NOT okay - I would call all the vendors immediately and ask them to cancel.

He wants to get married and he really wants the wedding - he just feels like it has been extra tough this last week.

It's still a ways to go... but at least he is willing to make the effort.

Thanks SO MUCH for your prayers. You guys are the BEST!

Oh no! I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't have any advice just lots of hugs for you and FH

I can't imagine having social anxiety and how uncomfortable it is. I feel bad that he is so nervous. And it is great that you are supportive, BUT a lot of money has gone into it and you want the wedding. I think you may feel a little sad down the line. You have been planning and looking forward to it. I don't think you should cancel just tell him u will be with him the whole time and you will do all the talking, etc...etc....

Good luck!!

I wish that there was something that I could do to help. I will keep you & your FH in my prayers.

I don't know what to say. I just hope it all works out!!!

oh, don't call it off! is there enough time for him to maybe sit down & talk to a professional about his fears? if he truly has a social phobia it might be affecting him in other areas too. and who knows, maybe a little dose of xanax or something for the big day will relax him enough that he can actually enjoy things. don't know if he's open to therapy, but it might be worth it. why miss out on things in life because of fears? its just not worth it!
good luck!

some prayers and hugs to hope everything works out!

Oh no... I am so sorry. I hope that he can get through this and think about the $$ and effort you both put into this and realize that it will go by so quickly..I am so sorry, I hope it works out

I'm like that. I was so nervous about everyone watching me. I hate talking in front of groups, being the center of attention, etc. I usually break out in hives. I was considering taking some medication on the day of!

But i didn't do anything. You get so excited that your day is finally here, that you don't have time to think about it. And right before you get married, make sure that he surrounds himself with people who will keep him calm.

Just say he is the groom and no one is going to be looking at him anyway! It's the BRIDE they care about

In all seriousness though, social anxiety is such a terrible thing to have to go through. Would he be open to speaking to a therapist or even his doctor about it? A little xanax or paxil on the big day could help..

I'll be sending nice calm thoughts to you and him

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Posted by aliwnec10

I'm like that. I was so nervous about everyone watching me. I hate talking in front of groups, being the center of attention, etc. I usually break out in hives. I was considering taking some medication on the day of!

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Same here! I actually got sick to my stomach a couple weeks ago just thinking about the wedding! I HATE being in the spotlight and Ive never really had a big party like this before... I was FREAKING over the e-party. Cant imagine how i'll be for the wedding! I was concidering going on zoloft to calm my nerves... Definatly try to have him see a doctor about this. Anxiety definatly can ruin EVERYTHING! It's always gotten the best of me

Good luck

Hi sweetie. I'm so sorry to hear about this. My best friend's fiance is feeling the same way and definitely did not want a huge wedding because he doesn't like being the center of attention, which she LOVES. So in order to make him feel more confortable, she is trying to arrange things so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed, like at the ceremony, he's not going to be left alone at the altar, they aren't walking in at the reception because he doesn't want all eyes on him, and they aren't having a sweetheart table and instead are sitting with the bridal party so he feels more comfortable. I do agree that maybe he should go and talk to someone about his anxieties and maybe just lessen the amount of time where the focus is all on him so he doesn't stress out. I wish I could help you out more but I do hope everything works out for you guys!

Has he spoken to a doctor or therapist? There are so many meds that can help with social anxiety, I'm sure something will work for him. Don't call off the wedding...help him find a professional who can assist him through this medically, and you can support him emotionally! Good luck!

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Posted by EastEndBride

oh, don't call it off! is there enough time for him to maybe sit down & talk to a professional about his fears? if he truly has a social phobia it might be affecting him in other areas too. and who knows, maybe a little dose of xanax or something for the big day will relax him enough that he can actually enjoy things. don't know if he's open to therapy, but it might be worth it. why miss out on things in life because of fears? its just not worth it!
good luck!

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I was also going to suggest seeing a therapist- He may even feel a little better after one session...Good luck!

It's a LOOOONG story. FH is taking Paxil... but he was also drinking socially. Paxil and drinking don't work. So he is off the drinking and on the Paxil alone. Since he stopped drinking the Paxil doesn't seem to be working. It may be because he has to have it 're-adjust' to his body. Or maybe not.

I am hesitant to put more money into a wedding when we really don't know if he will be able to 'handle it',

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Posted by rojerono

It's a LOOOONG story. FH is taking Paxil... but he was also drinking socially. Paxil and drinking don't work. So he is off the drinking and on the Paxil alone. Since he stopped drinking the Paxil doesn't seem to be working. It may be because he has to have it 're-adjust' to his body. Or maybe not.

I am hesitant to put more money into a wedding when we really don't know if he will be able to 'handle it',

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My FH's brother has social anxiety issues and is on medication. We found that the drinking definitely screws with him. His body may definitely be adjusting to the fact that he isn't drinking.

Your FH, like many couples, could also be getting a bit overwhelmed by all the planning and attention that is part of a wedding. Many end up eloping beforehand because it's all too stressful. I'm sure it'll be fine and he's just a bit overworked with the stress and adjusting to things without alcohol and just really anxious about the big day.

Don't call it off. Can he sit down and talk to someone? FH's brother has had to go see someone because he's the best man and therefore will get lots of attention too (hello--speeck!) so he's been talking to a therapist as well to get over the social anxiety part of it and feel a bit more self-assured.

Aw honey I am SO SORRY.
Skip the Paxil, go straight for Ativan.

Perhaps in a few days, he'll reconsider. You have put so much work into this and you have been looking forward to it. Hopefully he will see how much this means to you & suck it up.