Not the marriage. FH and I want to get married and plan to do it regardless...
HOWEVER, FH has serious social anxiety and the more he thinks about being in a large group of people and being the focus of their attention - the more nervous he gets.
It didn't bother him initially - but he has recently decided to stop drinking altogether - so without that 'safety belt' the idea is making him sick to his stomach.
I feel really bad for him and I want to help. But we spent SO MUCH MONEY already! We paid $10.000 to the hall, $5000 to the photographer, $700 on the dress... you get the picture.
I don't know what to do!
He wants to go to town hall and get married - as in TODAY if we could. But he is not so sure he can do the whole WEDDING thing.
Guys... my wedding is in 64 days!
I really need some prayers from you guys while we work through this.
Thank you.
Well FH and I had a very long discussion. He saw a therapist last week and although he isn't positive he wants to be bothered going back - he has decided that he does want to go through with the wedding.
I told him that I don't care about the money and I don't care about the party - but that I need him to be okay. And that if he was NOT okay - I would call all the vendors immediately and ask them to cancel.
He wants to get married and he really wants the wedding - he just feels like it has been extra tough this last week.
It's still a ways to go... but at least he is willing to make the effort.
Thanks SO MUCH for your prayers. You guys are the BEST!
GwynethBride
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Re: Call off the Wedding?
There are a lot of cognitive-behavioral therapies that can help with social anxiety beyond paxil. If your FH is willing to give it a try, it could be just the thing to help him deal with this.
Mandyin2007
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I hope you are able to come to the decision that is best for you!
luvabul
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vintagegirl
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I highly suggest some couples therapy... I think this will help.. social aniexty is not going to change without some intervention
billandme
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Posted by carolinebr
Aw honey I am SO SORRY. Skip the Paxil, go straight for Ativan.
Perhaps in a few days, he'll reconsider. You have put so much work into this and you have been looking forward to it. Hopefully he will see how much this means to you & suck it up.
I have used ativan a few times and it's worked great for me! Calmed me RIGHT down Maybe that's an option that he can talk to his doctor about? You can get the ones that dissolve under your tongue or the ones that you swallow and take about 20 minutes to kick in........
But here are some for the both of you! Just be there for him emotionally and maybe it will all work itself out I'll be thinking of you guys!
Snowflake08
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Re: Call off the Wedding?
i am so sorry that you are going through this and i totally understand - i actually feel similar but not to the same extent when i think of walking down the aisle with everyone looking at me and then think of the 'grand entrance' i want to elope!!
perhaps he should talk to his dr. about medication for anxiety?? (lexapro, zoloft) im not being sarcastic AT ALL!!! it's worth a shot
Snowflake08
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you cannot take paxil or lexapro or zoloft the 'day of' it will not do anything you have to take it for 3-5 weeks to feel any relief of anxiety
PegaLega
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I am so sorry that this is going on. Its tough on him Im sure, FH is the same way with the whole being in front of people but he assures me that he will be ok. I hope that he is able to work thru this so that you guys can have this wedding and dont lose the money you have paid out
Pencils
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I think some therapy for your FH would be better than calling off the wedding. Social anxiety is very treatable! There's even an anti-depressant specifically designed for it now, but therapy by itself can be very, very helpful. Look into it first, it's your wedding too, and you obviously are looking forward to it very much--you wouldn't be on LIW if you weren't.
snydl40
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Re: Call off the Wedding?
Why don't you guys get married at town hall and then get 'remarried' at the hall. Really the marriage will be taken care of and this way he won't feel as pressured-he can just enjoy the day.
NY031978
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Re: Call off the Wedding?
I have ANXIETY! I tell you I didnt think id be able to get up there and say my vows w/o passing out! I really wanted to call it off at times. But I got up to that alter saw Alex and all those ppl there just dissapeared! I wasnt worried at all. Once it was all over...I was in shock. It wasnt bad at all!!! The best part was I went in there freakin out and walked out having a hubby!!!! Just tell him all the ppl there know and love you both and once you get there you will be next to him and the rest will be history!
CrisiDrue
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My advice.........PAXIL
Woops. Didn't read all the posts. If he's on paxil now I would try clonopin. It works great for anxiety, and it doesn't take weeks and weeks to actually work
StarryEyedBride
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NY2Cincinnati
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I am sorry to hear about this. I hope things work for the best
miss nee
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hopefully everything works well for u two.. in the meantime .. i will for you guys .. i soo want you to have your day
betani
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Posted by rojerono
It's a LOOOONG story. FH is taking Paxil... but he was also drinking socially. Paxil and drinking don't work. So he is off the drinking and on the Paxil alone. Since he stopped drinking the Paxil doesn't seem to be working. It may be because he has to have it 're-adjust' to his body. Or maybe not.
I am hesitant to put more money into a wedding when we really don't know if he will be able to 'handle it',
he may need it boosted. sometimes the body adjusts to a med and you need to boost up the dose to feel the affects again. is he seeing a regular doc or a pdoc? he really should be seeing a pdoc as they know the best ways to confront an issue like this.
also, maybe you can reorganize the wedding so it's easier on him - leave out the events that make it focus one you guys (or him at least) like the mother/son dance, garter toss, etc. also, maybe schedule breaks during the day so he can catch his breath. hth and good luck!
MichLiz213
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I just wanted to give you some
I think the girls have already made some great suggestions. And maybe talk to him with the wedding being more of a big party. Your sons will be there, you will be together as a family, everyone there loves and supports you....things like that.
FM me if you need to talk!
Fuego
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I'm so sorry you have to worry about this. Of course you want him to be comfortable, but you also want to have your wedding!!
I'm a grad student studying to be a psychologist, so I may be able to help...I highly recommend he see someone. Like everyone's been saying, social anxiety is highly treatable- there are some cognitive-behavioral approaches that are highly effective QUICKLY. Also, who prescribed the Paxil? A psychiatrist would be able to modify the dosage to be more appropriate, and something like xanax could help the day of.
My advice, see if you can work together to make him more comfortable so you both can enjoy the day! Goodluck!!!
jaiese
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Re: Call off the Wedding?
You should speak to your officiant and see if they have any advice about how to make the ceremony less nerve-inducing. You can also ask your dj/band to invite people on to the dance floor so you don't do your first dance entirely alone. Don't cancel!
