Calling past brides: Please post your 'One Thing I Learned'

I'm a big fan of Martha Stewart Weddings and I love the section called 'One Thing I Learned.'

I know lots of past brides post the lessons they've learned (best part of their wedding, thing they would have done differently, etc) as part of thier review, but it would be great if we could have all these gems together in one thread.

So come on past brides . . .

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?

What would you do differently?

What was the best decision you made?

TIA!!!

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?
Whatever happens that day happens. There is nothing you can do about it. No matter how much you plan sometimes things just go wrong. Keep a smile on your face and let it roll off your back. You have plenty of time to complain/vent/cry about it later but dont let that affect your big day!! It goes by soo fast and you want to make all the memories of the day positive ones.


What would you do differently?
Make more time for pictures!!! I thought I had MORE then enough time inbetween the church and hall but you can ALWAYS use more time for pictures!!!

What was the best decision you made?
Paying for the wedding ourselves. This might seem odd but it is true.
As much as our parents would put their 'input' as to how our day should be in the end it came to we are paying for it so we are doing it our way. I had no one to answer to except DH. It made the planning alot less stressful and alot smoother.
My parents would have never been able to justify the amount of money I spent on flowers and his parents would think most the things I did were a 'Waste of money'
I didn't have to hear any of these comments and it was also a great feeling at our age to have been able to save up that much money and do it 100% on our own.

Here is some more advice that is posted on my review:

A little advice from one Bride to another....

You can never take enough pictures!!!! I was so tired of smiling and taking pictures at the end of the night that I asked the photographers to give us a break. Now looking at my proofs even though there are a tun you'll always want more! ( or at least I do b/c Im greedy!) I am already saying we should have taken this pic or done this one different or tried to take some more over here... the day only comes once and these pictures are all you will have of it once its over. Suck it up and take as many pictures as possible! .

If anyone ever wonders ' do the little things count' the answer is YES! Its the little ideas and personal touches that make the day personalized to you. Its what makes it not everyone else's cookie cutter wedding and what makes it stand out in your guests memories. I added the caviar bar, extra entrees to the menu, but you know what impressed people and what people commented on??? The slippers that I spent .80 cents a pair on and the air freshers that cost $1.10 each!!! It really is the little things that make the biggist impression.
Don't let you and your new husband get seperated! It is so easy to get dragged apart but its hard to find eachother again!! Im sure we missed plenty of nice photo ops while we were seperated and running around looking for eachother!


DEFINITLY try to sneak away during the CH with your DH and look at your ballroom while it is all set up and no one is in there yet!! It was soooo amazing to see my centerpieces and the table names and menus and cake and everything set up picture perfect before the guests arrive. Once you make your grand entrance and are dancing and running around and taking pictures you will never get the same image of your ballroom. Once the guests get there they mess everything up! lol It was so nice to see everything 'fresh' plus we got 1 of my absolute favorite pictures in our empty ballroom just the two of us in the middle of the dance floor!!!

Trust your vendors!!! These are professionals who do this day after day after day. Have a little faith in them. You picked them for a reason. Now let them earn their money!
Smile all the time!! really always try to relax, have fun, and let things roll off your shoulders .. you'll feel better and those random pictures will come out better! I have a few where it looks like stream is going to come out of my ears any minute!

I took this quote from a website that was recently posted on here but it really is the truth so for anyone who did get to read it hopefully you will read it now:
My wedding day advice: After all my months and months of planning everything in meticulous detail, one morning I woke up and it was actually my wedding day. I had done everything I could to make sure it went off as seamlessly as possible. Now all I could do was actually enjoy the fruit of all my labor. The day was going to unfold as it unfolded and it was basically out of my hands at that point. The only thing I could control was making sure I got down the aisle, said the vows, and got the ring on my finger.
You’re in charge. Not the wedding industry. I’m so tired of brides asking “Can I do this?” or “Would it be ok if I did this?” When it comes to your wedding, YOU are the ultimate authority, not Martha Stewart, and not a chorus of anonymous women on the Internet. Of course there are protocols to help guide you, but that’s all they are: guidelines, not legal doctrines written in stone. Don’t be afraid to deviate from them and follow your gut. The only way to make your wedding truly memorable is to make it truly yours, not to make it a carbon copy of every other bride’s.

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?
You don't have to cry and shake nervously on your wedding day to feel it deep down. Sometimes we think we have to 'feel' everything. I was a very calm bride and I remember everything!

What would you do differently?
I would have fought harder for some things and let others go. I would have reevaluated my priorities.

What was the best decision you made?
I married my husband. And after the obvious, I think the best decision I made was giving everyone involved a little freedom and a little direction.

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?

Look at your budget. Now add $1000 to EVERYTHING. Seriously.

That you can't please everyone. Everyone will have a comment about everything you choose from your colors to your earrings to your flowers... so unless you really value that person's opinion, don't even bother telling them all the details.

You can't control EVERYTHING.




What would you do differently?

Definitely MORE time for pictures. There's never too much! And I would've have trusted my instinct when I felt one particular vendor wouldn't be able to handle a particular request the way I wanted.


What was the best decision you made?

Moving up my wedding by 7 months.

Making my ceremony one hour earlier to leave more time for pictures.

Not to have a Viennesse Hour (because it wouldn't have been worth it in my case and it would have put us way over the top budget-wise)

One Thing I Learned: The day before the wedding, let it all go and just relax and enjoy it. Whatever didn't get done won't and it probably won't matter. My wedding was a wonderful, joyful day for me because I stopped worrying about the minute details and just enjoyed the night before and the wedding day with DH and those who love me.

What I would do differently: Gone with my gut on a few things and not listened to advice from other people - mainly about my dress.

Best decision I made: Saying yes to DH when he asked! Second best - not having a wedding party other than MOH and BM. It made the wedding simple and elegant and was soooo much easier (and cheaper) to plan. I definitely would have lost it if I had to deal with BM dresses and the drama that goes with it.

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding? To prioritize what matters most. Now decide on three things you really care about and try to get those! That you learn what your family and FH are like under pressure.

What would you do differently? I was very pleased with everything, but maybe make my mother part of my bridal party. She always will remain my best friend, and was such a help in the planning. I wish I had had another way to show her how much she means to me.

What was the best decision you made? To have a band and the chocolate fountain. I thought the band just changed the whole feel of the wedding. And everyone loved the chocolate fountain, and I was so glad to have added that. Also choosing a hall with one wedding at a time was the right choice for me. I got the personalized attention I needed, and felt it was not chaotic since my guests were the only ones at the hall. Also having a small wedding party! It made things sooo much less stressful!

Great thread...thanks for sharing (and keep 'em coming )

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?


Well said above - The whole thing is only 5 hours or so - there's no time to worry about rain drops or anything else. Just enjoy it and let the vendors do their thing.



What would you do differently?

Get a Video - We didn't want to be bothered all day but, you miss so much that you can watch later on a video - We have a video of the Eng. party and it's Great.


What was the best decision you made?

Day Wedding - You get right to it and it doesn't have to end at 5:00... You get back to the hotel at 6:00 or so and get to relax with the out of towners and whoever else... We really didn't care either way, I like Day weddings and we never could have had the band or Hall we had on a Saturday night, the cost would have been at least 50% more... Our Band would have been double the price at least.

What's the One Thing You Learned from planning your wedding?

I can't pick one, so I'll give you two: (1) That my DH is the best partner I could have ever chosen for my life - he and I had some real difficulties (family issues) during the planning, and we supported each other and found our way through it, learning about each other even more as we went. I think wedding planning is a great test run for handling challenges in marriage. And, everyone says they had never seen a happier bride than me, and it was because I was so happy to marry him; and (2) I learned who my real friends, and supportive family was, and who the flakes were. And some of the most supportive, and some of the flakes, were very surprising.

What would you do differently?

I would be more assertive at crowd control, especially of the parents. Because we wanted everyone to have fun, we sort of lost control of the herd (um, excuse me) BP and immediate family at the cocktail hour during pictures. I would be way more assertive as to: 'Hey, listen up. You have to be here at this specific time - no excuses - and you cannot leave to do whatever during that time.' I would also create a buddy system for getting people to certain places. You would think the MOH and BM would do this, but they are so busy with their regular duties, it's too hard . . . I would have selected a point person to get the maids to places, the GM to places, and the PARENTS to places. (Our parents were so busy socializing, which was great, that they were the hardest to find when we needed them for pics.)

What was the best decision you made?

Besides marrying DH?
I would say that the best decision I made was to spend some quiet time ALONE with just my mom while she helped me get dressed. It put me in such a calm, relaxed, and safe mode, that when it was time to leave, I wasn't even nervous - just excited. My mom is the best, and the quiet fifteen minutes I had with her was just the respite I needed from the craziness of the morning. I love my BM - they are my best friends, but alone time is good to prepare you for what is one of the biggest commitments you will make in your life. Plus, it is now a special moment that just the two of us share. It makes me warm and fuzzy just to think of it. I would say too, that having separate limo for DH and I after ceremony, for the ride to the reception, for the same reasons. It was a chance to just be alone and smile at one another, and take in what we just did.

I would add a few of the best pieces of advice I got from past brides:

Don't let you and your new husband get seperated. This happened at my E-party, and I SWORE it would not happen at the wedding. I swear, I think we were apart for maybe twenty minutes.

At some point, stop and look around your reception. Your day WILL FLY - my DH swears he never went to a wedding that went so fast - and you want to remember that moment.

Bring comforable shoes for dancing.

Assign a friend to potty duty.

Don't worry about anyone else having fun - you two have fun, and everyone else will follow along.

I also did the (very, very very) unpopular idea of skipping the table rounds. I just couldn't do it - far too many people, and I was afraid that I would miss tables and that they would be more offended for being skipped. People came up to us at our table, and it was better, I thought. We actually got to enjoy the party. My one friend who did the table rounds spent more time doing that than dancing - and I thought that was sad. JMHO - and I am sure others will disagree strongly. But it worked for us.

Good luck to all the future brides (most especially my sister!)

Thanks for all your good advice!

I especially like the idea of giving people buddies -- and duties -- but do I need to ask what 'potty duty' is -- does it have to do with the bustle?

Um, no. Actually, it really only applies if you have a big poofy dress or a long train. If you do, unless you are really bendy and balanced, you will need help to lift it and pee. (Sorry if that's gross). I only needed help once - but it was pretty funny.

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Posted by marc_rai

You know I have to ask. What are the air freshners?

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I had personalized air freshners made up and placed in each guests car, so when they left the reception they had one last suprise waiting for them!

Im too tired to make a pretty post like everyone I will say this.. Take it all in the day goes way to fast! Take a step back and think WOW all this is for me, Designate one person to be the 'trouble person' If you want somthing turn to that person and tell them. At one point during the cocktail hour I couldn't hear the music. I turned to my friend and she said on top of it. she went to the dj about it.

don't get upset over the small stuff. and while plaining don't stress over things. The day will still be perfect

Thank you...I took notes.
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What are slipper baskets? Where did you buy them? How much time did you allow for pictures? I have a 4 hour gap. TIA

This is such an awesome thread...such great advice...THANK YOU BRIDES