Can I add to the drama? sorry long

SugaBeans Posted: Apr 02, 2007 10:21 PM

Can I add to the drama? sorry long

FH's grandfather is not doing good at all. He has been in the hospital for the last few weeks. He's on dialysis and the dr gave his grandma bad news today.

Supposedly he has a kink in the 'tube' (dont know the word) that lead to his kidneys. To fix it, they have to operate. If they do, the dr. said there is a good chance he will not make it through the surgery. if they dont operate, the dr said he will only get worse and will most likely die.

FH is very upset about this. He's probably going down to FL this week with his mom. His grandfather has to give the dr. an answer by wednesday as to what he wants to do. I wish he would be able to make it to our wedding, but I'm sure he wont.

I just wish this wasnt happening. FH has had so many negative things in his life, and things we just starting to look up and now this.

I have ever had to deal with the death of a close relative whom I knew was going to die. What do I do? What do I say to him?? I dont want to say the wrong things.

Sorry this was so long, but I had to get it out. SOmetime I feel like LIWeddings is my journal.

Kimbalina Posted: Apr 02, 2007 10:35 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

The best that you can do is just be available to talk to, let him and his family know that you care and be there for him.
He may not know what to do or say either, i am sure it might be rough, but he will appreciate you being there in the long run.

ZKAT22 Posted: Apr 02, 2007 10:51 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

Posted by Kimbalina

The best that you can do is just be available to talk to, let him and his family know that you care and be there for him.
He may not know what to do or say either, i am sure it might be rough, but he will appreciate you being there in the long run.

I completely agree. Let him know you are there for him and he'll come to you when he's ready to talk.

KickinDandelions Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:02 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

Sometimes just being there is enough. I remember when two close relatives were about to pass away...some people avoided me because they didn't know what to say...and others called me or e-mailed me every so often just to tell me that they were willing to listen if I needed to talk, vent, or cry. Letting him express his feelings no matter what they are is important. Sometimes we feel angry that the person is sick..and we just need someone to listen without being judgmental. Let him know you'll be there for him no matter what time of day. I used to call my friends up at 3 am because I couldn't sleep and they'd wake up and just talk to me...it's those moments he'll remember later on

RGV07 Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:04 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

stay strong for you and fh , and pray that grandpa is going to be better, i sending you hugs and prayer to you

SugaBeans Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:05 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

the problem is that he doesnt express his feelings. If he's upset, he never shows it. I offered to go to FL with him if he wanted but he perfers to just go with his mom (which I understand.) But I think i would feel different. if it was my grandparent, i would want him there with me for support.

michellecarin Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:30 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

oh i am so sorry to hear this

Spelldizzy Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:34 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

All I can say is to be there for him. Alot of men hate showing their feelings. My grandfather was in the hospital for 2 months and had three surgeries. The last surgery he went into they told us he wouldn't make it out alive, and now, he's back at home returning to his normal self and complaining about not being allowed to eat salty food. Never give up hope and stay in prayer.

SugaBeans Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:38 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

thanks girls! I just feel like crying!

Princess Cut Bride Posted: Apr 02, 2007 11:48 PM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

I'm so sorry to hear about ypur loved one not doing well. Just be there for your fh that is all you can do. Sending you lots of

snydl40 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 12:06 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 12:09 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

I am so sorry to hear that. I agree with the other ladies, sometimes you don't need to say anything. Hug him, or just let him know you are there for him.

ama1771 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 08:28 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

AMGBride2008 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 08:33 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

I'm so sorry your FH has to go thru such an ordeal. There's really nothing you CAN do except be there for him to hug when he needs it, or let him cry if he needs to cry. Death is a tough issue and sometimes, not saying anything and just being there is the best thing of all.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 08:35 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

Posted by SugaBeans

the problem is that he doesnt express his feelings. If he's upset, he never shows it. I offered to go to FL with him if he wanted but he perfers to just go with his mom (which I understand.) But I think i would feel different. if it was my grandparent, i would want him there with me for support.

I just read this now after I posted. Don't push, ask him if there's anything you can do for him while he's gone, but if he says no, don't force the issue. If you ask him if he's OK and he says he is, take it for what he is... jsut be there for him whether he is emotional or not... he'll appreciate it.

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Apr 03, 2007 08:59 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

Posted by SugaBeans

the problem is that he doesnt express his feelings. If he's upset, he never shows it. I offered to go to FL with him if he wanted but he perfers to just go with his mom (which I understand.) But I think i would feel different. if it was my grandparent, i would want him there with me for support.

hmmmmmmmmmmm I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry your FH is too. You're a strong person, I would push to go with him.

I had something similar happen with my FH and he excluded me from a hard time in his life and I don't think I'll ever forget it. It doesn't affect my love for him but I do feel slighted.

Hugs and prayers for you, your FH, and his grandfather

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 09:02 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

I am praying for you guys

FancyMe1018 Posted: Apr 03, 2007 09:10 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

Losing a loved one is very hard .... be there to comfort him allow him to vent.... I guess its never too early to start learning things.... you would want him to be there for you if things where flipped. I'll keep you in my prayers.

PAULNSAMANTHA Posted: Apr 03, 2007 09:20 AM

Re: Can I add to the drama? sorry long

I am so sorry. I just lost an uncle and a grandfather in about a year and a half. I didnt quite know what to say to my cousin who's younger than me when we found out her dad had only a week to live.

My best advise is be there without be too much there. Ask him if he needs anything and that you're there, and if he says he's fine, back off a lil and try to talk about something else. Sometimes when people are upset they turn to others to forget what's going on for a few mins. After a while he'll be happy you were there however you could be.