FH is driving me crazy today. He's so bad with being told that something he did was wrong. Every single time we have an argument that is because of something he did he goes and turns it.. brings up something about me he doesn't like .. something that i do .. and then he walks away... i cannot stand it anymore. It's sooo frustrating cause nothing ever gets worked out. Sometimes i worry if this is what our marriage is gonna be like that we just won't make it.. ughh! i love him.. but he's just so lost when it comes to communication. None of our problems ever get solved.. and he makes it seem like it's all about me and how i feel yet i can never even get out what i feel without him shutting it down. I swear the boy is disillusional (sp). He must make things up in his head to make himself feel better. I'm just at a loss lately.. it makes me feel bad cause i feel like he doesn't care what i have to say about anything!!! ahhhhhh! sorry ladies.. i just really needed to vent since i can't talk to him right now! thanx for listening!
bella1028
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
oh im sorry...
JTsGal829
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
Posted by bella1028
oh im sorry...
thanks.. i've tried my best to talk to him in different ways.. but nada. I think his past relationships and childhood have really had an effect on his relationship skills.. but there is only so much i can take on of that. I'm the type of person that really needs to talk things out .. just wish he could try. thanks again
LuvMyAlfonse
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Krystal!!!!!!! I feel your pain!!!! FH does that too!!! Brings up old shiitt. I'm like, can we concentrate on what you did RIGHT now? Not what I did three months ago?!?!?!?!?!?
Does he eventually apologize? Are you OK with it? It doesn't necessarily mean you have bad communication, it's just different.
As long as you don't start to resent him - it's all good.
I had to accept certain things about FH that will never change, and he had to do the same with me..
Just beat the crap out of him, that's what I do..
Emily08
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
Aww... men can definitely be stubborn!
snwb08
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
honestly, our fh's sound pretty similar. i feel like he does the same exact thing and nothing gets resolved but we don't argue that much in generally. he is just not big on communicating seriously - everything is a joke to him. if i try to get really serious he'll just close up.
but we love them for a reason right? and this is his personality so i'm kind of resigned to just taking it for what it is.
feel better and remember why you're marrying him. when i get really frustrated (as I did during a recent fight/issue we had) i picture my life without him and i freak out.
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
Sorry!!
But actually, I'm kind of guilty of the same thing as your fh. I don't know why, but I have a hard time when people I love tell me I did something wrong..I get very defensive. I know it's a problem, and I am working on it, but it's hard to change. Try talking to FH when he hasn't done something wrong or tell him how you feel it's such a big issue and that you're worried. Fh did that to me..and I finally understood what it was doing. And now he just tells me as soon as I start doing it and I stop.
GOOD LUCK!!
I Love my bear
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
I hate to say this but nobody likes 'being told that something they did was wrong' I'm sure he just uses the things he says about you to defend himself. So maybe there needs to be a different approach. Communication between you & FH is a whole learning process. Its going to take some time until you two find out the best approach to get the message accross of what it is he did 'wrong' in a constructive way so he doesn't get defensive about it, and you two don't have to argue about it. I think everyone goes through this though....
JTsGal829
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Krystal!!!!!!! I feel your pain!!!! FH does that too!!! Brings up old shiitt. I'm like, can we concentrate on what you did RIGHT now? Not what I did three months ago?!?!?!?!?!?
Does he eventually apologize? Are you OK with it? It doesn't necessarily mean you have bad communication, it's just different.
As long as you don't start to resent him - it's all good.
I had to accept certain things about FH that will never change, and he had to do the same with me..
Just beat the crap out of him, that's what I do..
thanks... it helps me realize i'm not crazy when someone else is going through it too..lol. He will apologize eventually.. after he's had his cool down time.. but to me .. it still leaves things open.. so then i become just as guilty of bringing old things up because we don't fix them. and it just drives me nuts.. like now he comes down and gives me kisses and wants to pretend like it never happened and that is one of my biggest issues with him. i've learned to deal with it.. but it still makes me feel bad... i hope i don't start to resent him for it cause i know that wouldn't be good. Thanks though.. i def like the beating the crap out of him idea...lmaooo
Dougs Girl
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
JTsGal829
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
Posted by I Love my bear
I hate to say this but nobody likes 'being told that something they did was wrong' I'm sure he just uses the things he says about you to defend himself. So maybe there needs to be a different approach. Communication between you & FH is a whole learning process. Its going to take some time until you two find out the best approach to get the message accross of what it is he did 'wrong' in a constructive way so he doesn't get defensive about it, and you two don't have to argue about it. I think everyone goes through this though....
thank you... i've tried every approach with him.. it doesn't seem to make a dent in him... even if it's something he knows he was wrong about and i don't say it he still gets on my case just to divert any attention from him before it happens.... he's just not good with feelings in general... but i def. understand that nobody likes it when they are told they're in the wrong... i just wish he would try to listen more to what i'm feeling and even if he doesn't agree with what i say just try to acknowledge that i feel it.
I'm dealing though.. sometimes i just need to let it all out..lol. thanks
JTsGal829
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
thanks for all the hugs and advice ladies.. i feel a bit better already. Sometimes i just need to let it out before i hit my head against a wall. Maybe i need to go on vaca for awhile.. i need a break..lol. thanks again girls.. you're the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
megzzie
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
I understand where you're coming from - FH kind of does the same thing. I feel like he hates admitting that he was wrong, and it's hard for him to say he's sorry, so sometimes he tries to turn it around. But in the end, we work everything out - just getting to the end result is sometimes a challenge lol.
bemyyoko
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
i'm sorry your FH is making you crazy today.
i think it's normal though, i mean, not for everyone, but I think a lot of people, and not just men, are like that. and it's hard for their SO's to deal with it.
My FH and i rarely fight or argue, but when we do, it always turns into a huge fight b/c FH can't admit or accept that he's upset me, and somehow always turns it around on me so i end up feeling bad. it's just how he is. he's very defensive. and i can't stand when he does that so i flip out and it gets really heated.
we both know we love eachother though and when we settle down we appologize in our own ways.
good luck! communication is a learning process.
I Love my bear
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
He probably understands what you mean, he might just be stubborn about letting you know that he knows your right. (Sorry) If that makes any sense. I'm sure a couple hrs later he's sorry for the things he said about you. I know exactly what you're going through...FH knows exactly how to bring things up that really get to me / emotionally hurtful and it drives me nuts and he's ALWAYS right....of course! Later he'll admit that he was out of line and I did have a valid point... Blahhh Men
JTsGal829
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
thanks again girls.. it def. helps having someone to talk to and knowing that i'm not the only one that deals with it makes me feel like i'm not totally nuts in feeling the way i do. Sometimes u just need someone to validate your feelings even if they don't agree.. i think that's the point FH misses out on a lot.. but we'll get through it.. thanks girls
gabbie83
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
hope you worked things out. guys are slow sometimes and dont think....
tlp123
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
I am sorry to hear this. My FH used to be this way, but he is much better. So I understand how frustrating this is. And destructive, b/c as you say, nothing gets resolved. And the issues will just build up and snowball if they don't get resolved.
Have you tried approaching him where you explain that it is not a matter of him doing something 'wrong', but there is a specific behavior/action that he does, and it needs to be resolved, or it will hurt the relationship. Keep the bottom line in your mind when you speak to him. If you can keep your feelings neutral (or at least seem that way), then maybe he can see that he is overreacting and be forced to look at his reaction.
Does that make any sense? Like, when you being totally rational and pointing out something that needs to be addressed, he will be forced to look at his irrational behavior b/c he will be the only one who is saying things that are irrelelvent(sp?).
stlmn2u
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Re: Can't take FH today!!!
My FH is the same way!!! I get sooo angry when he does this and all I can do is cry and think that maybe I am the problem all the time... But it's soooo nice to know that I'm not the only one....I can only hope it will get better!!!
