we still havent opened all our bridal shower gifts and now people have started sending us wedding gifts. i thought the proper etiquette was for people to bring a check in an envelope? i deleted by bridal shower registry from bb&b, but now i get texts asking where my registry went!
how do i tell people, send gifts we need money! in a nice proper way lol
pauladanielle
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Yikes that's a tough one. My FH and I are relocating after the wedding to Michigan, so we wrote on our wedding website:
'We cannot ask for anything but your attendance on such an important day, but if you wish to bring us a gift, we would appreciate and prefer financial assistance to any boxed gifts, as it will help us make the transition between New York and Michigan a much smoother affair. We appreciate your understanding.'
I know you can't put that on an invitation, but if people know you would rather get $50 than a new set of knives, a lot of them will probably save themselves the trouble and send you the cash. However, I've found that while on LI it's 100% proper and expected to give cash as gifts (and preferred, in my case), in other parts of the country where my family comes from it is almost offensive.
I hope you get cash from the people actually arriving at your wedding!
Bride2Be78
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Tough one! You can't really come outright and say it. How about removing the small stuff off the registry and leaving the big stuff?
TheLadyJ
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Re: CASH not gifts!
You can't ask for cash. Hopefully the majority of the people will give you cash or check. You can tell your parents and bridal party to kind of spread the word that you want cash.
But it would be pretty tacky to come right out and say you want cash. Technically, a gift for a wedding is not an obligation. You are inviting people to share the day with you.
LisaReyes
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by TheLadyJ
You can't ask for cash. Hopefully the majority of the people will give you cash or check. You can tell your parents and bridal party to kind of spread the word that you want cash.
But it would be pretty tacky to come right out and say you want cash. Technically, a gift for a wedding is not an obligation. You are inviting people to share the day with you.
I agree with this 100%. Tell your close family and friends whats going on, hopefully they can let some others know. Otherwise - you get what you get. Everybody is different and will have different customs.
Jack84
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Re: CASH not gifts!
I agree I dont think there is really a way to prevent anyone from sending actual gifts or bringing them. Maybe just leave the stuff on your registry that you really really want. You can always find out what the return policy is & see if they will give you cash back on returns bc some places do.
Honestly, I have never ever (and I have been in at least 10 weddings & who only knows how many I have attended) and I have never given anything other than cash/check. I dont know if its a NY thing or what but the only people I expect will bring a gift is my aunt & uncle that are in their 80's.
To each his own I guess right? Good luck :)
queenofhaerts
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Re: CASH not gifts!
I've seen people write a poem and in the poem it says something like 'please make sure your gift fits in an envelope'
TheLadyJ
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by queenofhaerts
I've seen people write a poem and in the poem it says something like 'please make sure your gift fits in an envelope'
TACKY!!!
I would find the biggest freakin' envelope ever, and put the crappiest gift in there.
Bride2012
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Re: CASH not gifts!
I think if you mention something people may end up doing the opposite because I do find it tacky. Maybe people are buying from your registry and giving money day of wedding? I had a friend who was having a baby and having a baby shower she wrote don't buy any clothes grandma and mommy have it over! Really whats the poin of having a baby??? I got all clothes!!! I know I am a little evil.
Marty
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Re: CASH not gifts!
As a recent LI transplant, I can tell you that outside of the tri-state area giving gifts for weddings is the norm (with maybe a few other regional exceptions). Assuming the majority of the guest list is Long Islanders or others in the tri-state area, I wouldn't worry too much about getting a few gifts, because the majority will still bring a check.
As others have suggested, maybe make a limited registry at BB&B of larger things you still want, and then you'll have the option to return those gifts for cash. This way you don't get random gifts that you don't want, because those who are determined to give gifts probably won't be deterred by the lack of a registry. I think some people are more comfortable giving gifts, because they don't have to pick a number to write on a check. Also, I think people who aren't attending are more likely to send a gift rather than a check (at least that's my preference when not attending).
queenofhaerts
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by TheLadyJ
Posted by queenofhaerts
I've seen people write a poem and in the poem it says something like 'please make sure your gift fits in an envelope'
TACKY!!!
I would find the biggest freakin' envelope ever, and put the crappiest gift in there.
Exactly my thoughts!
queenofhaerts
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Some people also don't like just handing you cash... they would like to give you a little something and the money. I would definitely set up a registry, just to have.
FutureWifey
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Re: CASH not gifts!
On LI, it's usually Bridal Shower gifts and Wedding checks, but if someone couldn't make it to the wedding and sent us any gift, then I would appreciate it.
At the wedding I think I would be annoyed since both mothers know there is no gift table, but I certainly won't put anything in writing that requests any gift.
Really... you just have to get married expecting nothing in return and just be thankful for what you do receive.
Evan820
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Re: CASH not gifts!
if your really that concerned. Leave your BBB registry up and delete any others. you can return your BBB stuff for cash, so that way the people still feel good about buying a gift and you can get what you really want- money
lauren1802
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by Bride2012
I think if you mention something people may end up doing the opposite because I do find it tacky. Maybe people are buying from your registry and giving money day of wedding? I had a friend who was having a baby and having a baby shower she wrote don't buy any clothes grandma and mommy have it over! Really whats the poin of having a baby??? I got all clothes!!! I know I am a little evil.
Jax1127
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by queenofhaerts
I've seen people write a poem and in the poem it says something like 'please make sure your gift fits in an envelope'
haha how about a starbucks goft card? THAT fits in an envelope lol
Jax1127
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Re: CASH not gifts!
In all seriousness, I'm with you.. not because I don't WANT gifts, but we don't have the space in our apartment for gifts. If we did get gifts we would have to either a) return them or b) keep them at our parents' house for when we want to use them.
I don't want to be tacky either but I do want people to know the space that we have is limited.
Lilnessa
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Omg I have had almost the same dilemma! I only opened my registry for my bridal shower, then i guess people looked us up and have found our registries and have started sending us gifts! Wish i could delete them but we need them since we are having 2 seperate ceremonies and have included the registry information on one of them! To the people that i am really close to and have asked about where I was registered I just told them id rather money! lol To people that we arent that close to we just tell them that we only registered for the bridal shower since we don't really need anything for the apartment.
Since you deleted yours you could probably say the same thing: just tell people that you deleted your registry because it was for the bridal shower and that you don't really need anymore items for your house/apartment, and hope that they get the hint!
Ker1398
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Giving money is a NY thing. In other parts of the country it is in bad form to give money. My friend is from Texas and had a 300 person wedding and got $550 TOTAL in money- cuz everyone brought gifts.
there is no way to tell people not to bring them. the wedding is about them being there on your special day and although we all expect gifts, try to remember that it is a kind gesture no matter what it is.
TheLadyJ
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Re: CASH not gifts!
Posted by Ker1398
Giving money is a NY thing. In other parts of the country it is in bad form to give money. My friend is from Texas and had a 300 person wedding and got $550 TOTAL in money- cuz everyone brought gifts.
My friend went to a Texas wedding. Apparently a lot of people purchase the gifts ahead of time and send them to you. So you already have almost all of your gifts before you get married. Sounds a lot easier than having to worry about carting all the money or any boxes home!
