CATEYDEE -- THE ANSWER CONTINUES FOR YOU!
So my sweet FH thought he should answer Cateydees question specifically ---
From Cateydee --- like- why do you like to look at these nasty *** strippers and then you come back to your FW and your all loving and tender? not like loving and tender is a bad thing,but some guys have a big separation between fantasy and reality and cannot have fun with their real partner. do i make sense?
FH ANSWER ---
Who says they are nasty? What, just because they take off their clothes for a living and their job is to manipulate people out of their money and they all do meth and their body parts look like they've been chewed up and stitched back together like frankenstein, all of the sudden they're nasty now??
Ahem. But is the question why does a guy choose to perv it around strippers and come home to his wife only to act like nutless LL Bean model?
I think that part of it is that many guys, and girls, are taught that our sexual desires are dirty and wrong. We (FWs and FHs) are discouraged from talking openly about sex throughout our entire lives, so it can be weird for some of us to tear down those walls we're so accustomed to. But obviously, that's something you need to do if you are going to be married to someone.
And if you'll allow me to slip into my sex therapist pants again, or sex therapants as I call them (don't mind these little tangents), the communication has to be there between the two of you. Assuming your sex life is good (don't lie if it's not, but that's a separate conversation), then assure him that youre happy with it and that you want to be able to do everything together. I would even impart to him something that you're into that he may or may not know about. It may seem scary and you may be fearful of his reaction, but if he would really react negatively to that, then what are you doing marrying him. If you love each other, it should be bringing you closer.
But I'm not saying that's a recipe for success. Some guys will still clam up or even act grossed out, not even at your sexual fantasies but at the prospect of you participating in HIS sexual fantasies. This guy has a problem, and it begins at home. Sorry to say but a lot of guys who want to perceive their wives as pristine and virginal have mom issues. Their model for women is that dear old bag and just like he gets grossed out thinking about his mom having sex, he gets grossed out thinking of sullying your image with anal beads or pearl necklaces or whatever he's thinking about doing to those strippers. He's probably not aware of this and he may even consider it a compliment that he wants to keep his perception of you 'clean' and wholesome, but that's sexual repression talking.
So unfortunately this one doesn't have a cutesy ending. It doesn't mean that every trip to the strip club is a crime or he has to go balls deep into all his sexual fantasies with you right away, but you ladies are smart. You can tell if something doesn't add up. If your man is into going to strip clubs and keeps you separate from that world, then you've got to ask yourself why. And you could ask him the same question...but I would break out the anal beads first.
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From Cateydee --- like- why do you like to look at these nasty *** strippers and then you come back to your FW and your all loving and tender? not like loving and tender is a bad thing,but some guys have a big separation between fantasy and reality and cannot have fun with their real partner. do i make sense?
FH ANSWER ---
Who says they are nasty? What, just because they take off their clothes for a living and their job is to manipulate people out of their money and they all do meth and their body parts look like they've been chewed up and stitched back together like frankenstein, all of the sudden they're nasty now??
Ahem. But is the question why does a guy choose to perv it around strippers and come home to his wife only to act like nutless LL Bean model?
I think that part of it is that many guys, and girls, are taught that our sexual desires are dirty and wrong. We (FWs and FHs) are discouraged from talking openly about sex throughout our entire lives, so it can be weird for some of us to tear down those walls we're so accustomed to. But obviously, that's something you need to do if you are going to be married to someone.
And if you'll allow me to slip into my sex therapist pants again, or sex therapants as I call them (don't mind these little tangents), the communication has to be there between the two of you. Assuming your sex life is good (don't lie if it's not, but that's a separate conversation), then assure him that youre happy with it and that you want to be able to do everything together. I would even impart to him something that you're into that he may or may not know about. It may seem scary and you may be fearful of his reaction, but if he would really react negatively to that, then what are you doing marrying him. If you love each other, it should be bringing you closer.
But I'm not saying that's a recipe for success. Some guys will still clam up or even act grossed out, not even at your sexual fantasies but at the prospect of you participating in HIS sexual fantasies. This guy has a problem, and it begins at home. Sorry to say but a lot of guys who want to perceive their wives as pristine and virginal have mom issues. Their model for women is that dear old bag and just like he gets grossed out thinking about his mom having sex, he gets grossed out thinking of sullying your image with anal beads or pearl necklaces or whatever he's thinking about doing to those strippers. He's probably not aware of this and he may even consider it a compliment that he wants to keep his perception of you 'clean' and wholesome, but that's sexual repression talking.
So unfortunately this one doesn't have a cutesy ending. It doesn't mean that every trip to the strip club is a crime or he has to go balls deep into all his sexual fantasies with you right away, but you ladies are smart. You can tell if something doesn't add up. If your man is into going to strip clubs and keeps you separate from that world, then you've got to ask yourself why. And you could ask him the same question...but I would break out the anal beads first.
