Catholic Brides

sandj100304 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:36 AM

Catholic Brides

Are you saying grace before you eat at the reception? My FMIL is Catholic and I am Jewish and she says they always do this at weddings. I have been to plenty weddings (not only Jewish) and have never seen this done. Am I crazy? Thanks.

Jan05Bride Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:37 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

If our priest comes to the reception, he will say grace ... if he doesn't come, then probably not.

Donna Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:37 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

We didn't.

TwoBugs Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:38 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

We did not, but I have heard of people doing this. Sometimes if you are close to your priest and invite him to the reception, you can ask him to say grace.

dpli Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

I think Jan05 hit it - if the priest is at the reception, then I think it is generally done. If not, I don't think people do it.

My priest is a close friend, so I will do it at my wedding.

sandj100304 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:41 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

We are having her priest and a rabbi perform the ceremony. We did not invite them officially but last night she is looking at my table arrangements wondering where the priest was sitting. I was not planning on having him stay. I feel that if she wanted him to stay, we should have sent him an invitation. Anyway, she asks us to mention to him when we see him tomorrow that we would like him to stay for the reception and say grace. This is 2 weeks before the wedding. I said I was not comfortable with saying grace (I am Jewish) and she says that it is what you do.

QueensBride Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:45 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

Well my uncle is my priest so he will be saying grace but if he wasen't I don't think I would do it.

TwoBugs Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:46 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

It is NOT 'what you do' It is 'what you do if you want to'. If it doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. If she feels that strongly about it, ask her to say grace.

dpli Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:48 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

Sandj-
It is one of those traditional things. I think most Catholic parents assume you are going to invite the priest and I think some people actually do it informally (which I wouldn't do- I agree with you - I would send an invite). She may not have remembered that since you are not Catholic, it would not have occurred to you to invite the priest (and we know the guys usually don't remember these details......
Often times the priest doesn't come to the reception, but if he is a friend of FMIL, he may feel obliged to come. This is one of those situations where you have to decide whether or not you want to just do it and keep the peace, or stand your ground. What does FH say about it?

jen110704 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:48 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

Unless I have a priest at my reception, no.
(I'm not having a priest at my rececption.

Jan05Bride Posted: Sep 17, 2004 10:49 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

Posted by sandj100304
and she says that it is what you do.

If you and FH do not want it, then don't do ... she can do it at her own table when her dinner is served.

There will be plenty, plenty, PLENTY of blessing going on the day of the wedding ... it's really not imperitive.

Like everything else with weddings, it's a choice. Make sure you and FH are comfortable with whatever decision you make. Period!

Laura1976 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 11:45 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

Our priest won't be at the reception, but one of my uncles is going to say a blessing after the best man gives his toast.

IrishBride-05 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 11:48 AM

Re: Catholic Brides

We will. FH is very close with a Deacon who will be at the wedding and we will ask to say grace.

Annette Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:24 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

I'm Catholic and FH is Jewish and we'll have a priest and rabbi, as well. As a Catholic, I can not comfortably say 'it's what you do,' as I don't recall ever experiencing it before, either! However, a good family friend who's a reverend (but not officiating as she's not Catholic) will probably say grace before the meal as she did at my sister's wedding. Sadly, I don't recall her doing this at her wedding, but I liked the idea. Do what you wish and what makes you & your FH feel comfortable. Good luck & enjoy!

sandj100304 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:38 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

Thanks for your advice and support. I am not comfortable with it and I am sure the rest of my family would not be either. FH and I had said we would not do that nor the blessing over the challah. It is too much. FH and I don't even believe in religion. We are having the priest and the rabbi as a gift to our parents (since they are footing most of the bill). She is being difficult about this and I know even when we say no, she will find a way to get it done behind our backs. Don't even get me started there.

I have no problem with the priest staying I guess but then I need to ask the rabbi who I have no relationship with (he is a friend of the priests). FMIL does not have a personal relationship with her priest besides being in the Choir at the Church and being an extreme devout Catholic.

I am getting so fed up with all this

dpli Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:44 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

If you are talking to the priest before the wedding day, why not tell him how you feel about the blessing part of it? That you are uncomfortable about it and would rather just keep all of that stuff in the ceremony. Then, if FMIL tries to do an end run around you, at least the priest knows how you feel about it- I am sure they run into things like this all the time. good luck!

tina_cuse01 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:47 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

Yes, my grandfather will be saying grace. We thought it would be special to have him do it. But bot fiance' and I are Catholic.

sandj100304 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:47 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

Posted by dpli

If you are talking to the priest before the wedding day, why not tell him how you feel about the blessing part of it? That you are uncomfortable about it and would rather just keep all of that stuff in the ceremony. Then, if FMIL tries to do an end run around you, at least the priest knows how you feel about it- I am sure they run into things like this all the time. good luck!

Good idea! Thanks.

tourist Posted: Sep 17, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: Catholic Brides

my family dosn't say grace on Holidays,so we wouldn't.

I was raised catholic, but getting married in a Episcopal church & now thepreist may come, &I didnt' thinkof it tilljsut now, but I guess we should do something.

I didn't really want that religious over-tone at the reception though. I really didn't think she would come.