Catholic & Jewish Couples....

Did you have difficulty finding a priest/rabbi to marry you? With which religion will you raise your children? With they be baptized? Have a briss/baby naming? etc...

A good friend of ours is dating someone who is jewish (he is catholic) and have serious debates on the above. I was just curious as to what other couples have done.

One couple I know, decided they would raise their child catholic and so the priest said they would marry them. Another couple had briss and baptism and the child is being raised both.

This couple plans on doing neither but exposing the child to both aspects of the religion but without the sacraments.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

I am Jewish, and Dh was raised Catholic. He is not religious at all since his Mom passed away. We got married in a reform Jewish ceremony.

Our children will be raised Jewish, but we will also celebrate Catholic holidays.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

I am in a wedding party next Oct. and the couple is jewish and catholic...they are having a ceremony by BOTH a rabbi and a priest.

The reception hall gave them the names of both.

Traditionally, the children are supposed to take the religion of the mother...but my friends are going to raise them both.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

I am Jewish, DH is Catholic. We were married in an interfaith ceremony, officiated by a Priest and Cantor. Our children will be baptized, and will be brought up in a dual faith home, celebrating every holiday, and learning every tradition. We did not have a problem finding people to officiate. A close friend of DH is a Priest, and he did the honors. And we easily found a Cantor willing to marry us and he was wonderful. I had also spoken with numerous Rabbi's who would have done it.

It takes quite a bit of time to work through the issues a couple will face as an interfaith couple. DH and I know that we haven't even begun to crack the surface, but we spent so much time before our engagement talking it through, listening to eachothers needs, and speaking to our clergy on both sides.

One thing they MUST know is that they will NEVER make everyone happy. Someone, whether it be Aunt Bessy, Mom, Dad, sis, or bro, will be unhappy with this. They have to know that they are doing this for their OWN happiness, and that is ultimately the deal maker, or breaker. What each of them can handle. They have to talk about everything before making any decision. How will effect their lives, their religious expectations, how will they feel if their child is baptized and can't have someone from the Jewish faith as a godparent? How will they feel is their child has a bris, and will not go to church every week? Will they be able to participate in a bar or bat mitzvah? These are a teeny few of the things that most of the time, NO ONE thinks about when they are in love, and completely blinded by it.

There is an amazing book called The Intermarriage Handbook that DH and I read cover to cover before and during our engagement. It goes over all of these things, and really makes you think. I suggest you bring it up to them, or even buy them a copy!

Sorry for going on and on...this topic hits so close to home! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask...I'm an encyclopedia on this.



Edited to add: How did that one couple manage both a bris and baptism??

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

I am a product of an interfaith couple and FH is catholic. We are going to bring our children up either catholic or in the unitarian church.

I was raised with a little of both but no official religion. I think my parents made a mistake. I grew up feeling like I had no identity! I think they should have raised me as one or the other and taught me aspects or exposed me to which ever was not chosen. Now when I am in church I do not identify and when I am in a temple I do not feel comfortable.

Frankie and I had many discussions about this. I was very clear that I want them raised with a religion! That is important to me.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

I'm Protestant and FH is Jewish and we'll bring up the children with both religions. Neither FH or I go to church/temple every week. I think his family has the bigger problem with it. But they will have to deal with it, its not their child!
(and depending on the church, someone Jewish CAN be a godparent... our friends asked so FH can be godfather to their next child)

two friends of ours are probably not getting married now because the woman just can't deal with the fact that they will celebrate passover every year. And that the child MAY get a star of david necklace. she is ULTRA catholic!! its a shame that she has to be so driven by her religion that she can't deal with it. (meanwhile the man agreed to let the kid go to Catholic school, and be raised Catholic) And this just happened 4 months before the wedding.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

Swags, you just made me feel so much like we made the right decision. Pick one and go with it was a really important factor to us!

I have a friend that was raised 'nothing' or 'both', never baptized, no involvement in a temple. She grew up to become someone that identified herself by each and every person she dated. Once she was Greek Orthodox, once Catholic (wearing a cross and all) once she was an Aethiest, and now she married Jewish, and lied to the rabbi and gave a fake hebrew name so that he would marry them in a conservative jewish ceremony. It was terrible. I really think kids need some sort of religious identity, so we're going to work our hardest to see that they have it!

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

Misty - I'm confused then...are you picking one (Christian), but raising them in the home with a tolerance and exposure to both?

Although I understand completely what you are saying about raising them both, I do think it can work. It takes a lot of time, energy and hardwork, but I believe it can. That is what we plan on doing...

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

This couple is not really religious. She is set on not choosing. The child won't be baptized or bar mitzvah etc... I'm not convinced that he has actually given this much thought. Personally I think he ignores it so he won't have to deal with it...but this can and will break them. I give all the interfaith couples a lot of credit, these are major decisions.

I was brought up both Greek Orthodox and Catholic. I was actually baptized both. The religions are similar so it wasn't that tough. My Dh is catholic so we got married in a catholic church and will raise our kids catholic. They will celebrate orthodox easter and various other greek traditions but there isn't such a gap between the religions as in jewish-catholic.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

Mistyeyed that is what we will do. I was a lot like your friend in some respects. I identified myself more as Jewish because I was closer to that side of the family but I have no sense of belonging to either faith.

Re: Catholic & Jewish Couples....

Marni,

We are picking one religion. They will be raised Catholic. Baptized, confirmed...

But, we will celebrate every holiday, and they will be exposed to both completely. Our children's identity will be known, they have a catholic father, and a jewish mother, and we will explain why we chose the faith that we did to raise them. We agreed that we want our children to be exposed fully to both faiths, because it's essential to their identity, being children of a jewish mom, and catholic dad. We'd rather them be overexposed than not at all.

And what I meant by my friend being raised 'both' was that she billed herself as both when she was actually nothing at all. She had never been to a church or temple, and her mom called her a catholic jew. Yet, she knew nothing of either religion, and like I said, picked her religion based upon the guy she was dating...it was very difficult not only for her, but for everyone that knew her, because one day we'd say Merry Christmas and she'd respond with 'please wish me a Happy Hannukah instead!'.