Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I know exactly how you feel. I don't really mind my FH's last name, but my dad also has no one to carry on our family name. I brought up the idea of keeping my last name and my FH told me he was extremely against it. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but whatever I decide it will be the decision that is best for me. I think that you should do what is right for you. Hypenating your last name is better than not taking his at all....tell him to look at it as a kind of compromise

My POV is this:
I want to think of my marriage as adding something to my life, not changing it completely. I'm still the same person. So, I plan to add my FH's last name to mine. I'll have 2 last names (don't think I'll hyphen). FH has already started calling me Malcom Jamal Warner--he doesn't love it, but understands. I think he'll be more comfortable with it over time.

---

Posted by LaurenF

i actually started a similar post about this exact topic a couple of months ago. i am not changing my last name for two reasons---first is that his last name rhymes with my first. second is that i don't particularly care for his family, and i'd rather not be 'one of them', if that makes any sense. don't get me wrong- i love FH to death. but even he has a rocky relationship with his family.

---

Makes total sense to me!!! I hear ya! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

---

Posted by JennJay

I don't think it is a big deal either way. If you take take his last name, you are becoming a family in the whole sense, and you, your kids, and your husband will have the same last name.

---

I don't like that statement at all. Last names do not make a family. You're saying that if I have a different last name from my husband, then we're not a family in the 'whole sense' in your eyes? Nope, sorry, that doesn't work for me. The definition of a family is very subjective and it's whatever two (or more) people make it out to be. People that live together for 20 years, have children and never get married consider themselves a family.

No one but you should have any control over changing YOUR name. It's YOUR name, just like your hair is yours and your clothes are yours. You're not going to cut your hair or wear specific clothes that your husband may want you to wear if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You're a human person with feelings and opinions that need to be respected by those that love you. I do what is best for ME while taking other's opinions into consideration. Ultimately, you need to do what is best for you and not worry about what other people think.

To answer my own question:
One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the surname by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new name must consist of one of the following options:

the surname of the other spouse;
any former surname of either spouse;
a name combining into a single surname all or a segment of the premarriage surname or any former surname of each spouse;
a combination name separated by a hyphen, provided that each part of such combination surname is the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each of the spouses.
The use of this option will provide a record of your change of name. The marriage certificate, containing the new name, if any, is proof that the use of the new name, or the retention of the former name, is lawful. The local Social Security Administration office should be contacted so that its records and your social security identification card reflect the name change. There is no charge for this service.

Whether you decide to use or not use this option at the time of your marriage license application, you still have the right to adopt a different name through usage at some future date. However, your marriage license cannot be changed to record a surname you decide to use after your marriage.

I can't wait to take FH's name. I think it will be a great start to a new begninning.

I think you should do what makes you happy.

The only thing i hate (being a teacher) is when parents give their children the hyphonated name too. I just find it annoying. Theire names never fit on the roster list and then I think, what if that child doesnt want to give up her name and decided to hyphenate. its going to be Jamie Smith-Jones-White?

---

Posted by jgl

The only thing i hate (being a teacher) is when parents give their children the hyphonated name too. I just find it annoying. Theire names never fit on the roster list and then I think, what if that child doesnt want to give up her name and decided to hyphenate. its going to be Jamie Smith-Jones-White?

---

I have to say that I am happy to stumble accross this post.

I have received A LOT of grief regarding this point. I personally do not see why it's necessary for any woman to change thier name at all. Right now I'm debating whether to hyphenate or add my maiden name to my middle name. My husband would prefer that I change to his but he respects my decision. I considered changing it but as much as I try to talk myself into it, I just don't think it's necessary and I don't wan' t to do it just because it's considered traditional. I don't believe a marriage is any less bound or solid because a woman does not take on her husbands name. And while I don't have a high profile job, I'm almost 31 and just feel that I'm in the workplace and my identity has been established and why would I want to go change it now.

I had a family member tell me that only woman who think they will get divorced or want an easy out for divorce don't change or hyphenate thier name. I just think that's crazy. There is no easy out in this situation, hyphenated or not! I thought, 'what a great thing to hear right after getting married... thanks so much for having faithin my marriage.' I took serious offense to this but then looked at it as the person I was talking to was much more old school than I am so...

I feel your frustration... I just feel more like me if I were to either 1. Hyphenate, 2-double last name without hyphenating, or 3- incorporate maiden name as last name.

You know what's funny... I don't give any woman grief for deciding to change their name but some people don't think twice about giving it to me.

Grrrrrr!

---

Posted by jgl

I can't wait to take FH's name. I think it will be a great start to a new begninning.

I think you should do what makes you happy.

The only thing i hate (being a teacher) is when parents give their children the hyphonated name too. I just find it annoying. Theire names never fit on the roster list and then I think, what if that child doesnt want to give up her name and decided to hyphenate. its going to be Jamie Smith-Jones-White?

---

That is so funny. I used to work with a guy that had a hyphenated last name. He and his wife decided to have the same hyphenated last name and their kids had the hyphenated last name. That would be a pain if it just just continued - hahaha!

Personally, I would rather not change my name b/c I feel disconnected from my family then. Yeah, I know, that does not make sense.

Anyway, I decided against it b/c from what I hear when people have to address cards and stuff like that it is a pain in the butt b/c you cannot do Mr. & Mrs. and then with the kids it is separate too. I also think my parents would think I was nuts if I didn't do it. My first and last name are kind of long and if I hyphenated, it would just be ridiculous b/c FH's last name is long too. After all this, I have decided against it.

I say you do what you want. I know my FH would probably be offended if I did not take his name and I am sure his family would too.

---

Posted by EverlovingEv

---

Posted by JennJay

I don't think it is a big deal either way. If you take take his last name, you are becoming a family in the whole sense, and you, your kids, and your husband will have the same last name.

---

I don't like that statement at all. Last names do not make a family. You're saying that if I have a different last name from my husband, then we're not a family in the 'whole sense' in your eyes? Nope, sorry, that doesn't work for me. The definition of a family is very subjective and it's whatever two (or more) people make it out to be. People that live together for 20 years, have children and never get married consider themselves a family.

No one but you should have any control over changing YOUR name. It's YOUR name, just like your hair is yours and your clothes are yours. You're not going to cut your hair or wear specific clothes that your husband may want you to wear if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You're a human person with feelings and opinions that need to be respected by those that love you. I do what is best for ME while taking other's opinions into consideration. Ultimately, you need to do what is best for you and not worry about what other people think.

---

LOL, touchy i see. Didn't mean to strike a cord. However. in reality, if you don't change your name, either you or your husband will not have the same last name as your children. Hyphened, your child will have both your names. But did not mean you wouldn't be a family, obviously people do have different last names who are family, but I was saying in the whole sense, like when you write to the so and so family. Wow- And, as I said in the begining, I didn't think it mattered if people change their name or not . Sorry you misunderstood what I wrote.

i didnt change my name, FH was fine with it. he understood and even suggested that he would take my name. i didnt do that, b/c my whole point of not changing my name was that i didnt want to do the whole ownership thing. if he took my name then it would be doing the same thing. i also didnt change my name b/c of my whole visa and passport saga of mvoing out of the country. the whole process was already a lot of paperwork and changing my name would be more work.

i would have taken his name and hyphenated, but i hate the hyphen! NY makes you put the hyphen there; you cant have two last names.

we havent decided what we will do about the children. we are thinking, if we have males one will take my last name and another will take his. dont know what we will do about girls names.

good luck to what you decide and do what YOU want! it is your name after all.

I didn't make it through all of the posts, but I say do whatever you want! If it is so important for your FH to haev the same name as you, ask him to take your name
I will be keeping my last name because like you, my dad has no one to carry the name on, and its a cooool last name...my FH is Austrian and his last name isn't too bad, just sounds kind of dorky to me hehe. But he doesn't seem to mind me keeping my name..atleast he hasn't said anythig about it yet.

And I don't know where everyone is getting the idea that your kids have to take FHs name... thats bs... they can take your name, or hyphenate it or pretty much whatever you want. US law is pretty liberal when it comes to this compared to other countries around the world.

---

Posted by erdbeere
my FH is Austrian

---

I was wondering how the strawberry screenname came into play.

I used to be sure I would NEVER change my last name for any man!! I didn't want to change who I was --I didn't want to disrespect my family, I didn't want to give up my culture and history by forgoing my ethnic last name (the last one is REALLY important to me)

But now, after meeting and falling in love with FH, I don't feel any regrets.... I want to change my name --
1) he would be hurt if I didn't
2) for my future kids--- it gets a little confusing if mommy doesn't share the same name... a little disjointed and disconnected from the family

BUT THESE ARE MY FEELINGS

I totally respect any of you girls who want to keep your last names-- the feminist in me agrees!! and I can relate for all the reasons listed above

It's just that my 2 reasons to change my name outweigh my own 'selfish' reasons to keep it.