Changing your last name (kind of long)........…

I never planned on changing my name... and my husband is still furious. He won't even compromise on a hyphen.

It actually continues to cause huge problems. (I thought it would eventually go away)

Now I don't really know what to call myself. I don't email him from work because I never changed anything, and I stopped answering my phone at work with my last name - I just use my first name.
People do comment about it - and they look at me funny when I tell them I didn't change it.

I just can't bring myself to change it - for many reasons.

Its my identity, my DH's name is Polish and I really can't identify with it, I love how my name sounds now, and its on my degrees and on my CPA. I just can't change it.

Good luck - with your decision!

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Posted by jax1023

I know you will get a lot of responses on here saying just change your name, but if you want to hyphenate, do it. I cannot understand why this would upset your FH- its not like your not taing his name at all. Honestly. when you have kids go by Mrs y instead of Mrs x-y to their friends.

Just one point, even if you hyphenate, you maiden name is still sort of being lost, because any children you have will have your FHs name.

Personally, I am not changing my name at all. I already have a perfectly good name. This is no disrespect to my FH, and he doesn't care.

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Same here. How would he feel if he had to/you asked him to change his name? Personally, I don't understand this automatic assumption that many people have that the bride is the one that has to change her name.

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Posted by JennJay

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Posted by EverlovingEv

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Posted by JennJay

I don't think it is a big deal either way. If you take take his last name, you are becoming a family in the whole sense, and you, your kids, and your husband will have the same last name.

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I don't like that statement at all. Last names do not make a family. You're saying that if I have a different last name from my husband, then we're not a family in the 'whole sense' in your eyes? Nope, sorry, that doesn't work for me. The definition of a family is very subjective and it's whatever two (or more) people make it out to be. People that live together for 20 years, have children and never get married consider themselves a family.

No one but you should have any control over changing YOUR name. It's YOUR name, just like your hair is yours and your clothes are yours. You're not going to cut your hair or wear specific clothes that your husband may want you to wear if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You're a human person with feelings and opinions that need to be respected by those that love you. I do what is best for ME while taking other's opinions into consideration. Ultimately, you need to do what is best for you and not worry about what other people think.

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LOL, touchy i see. Didn't mean to strike a cord. However. in reality, if you don't change your name, either you or your husband will not have the same last name as your children. Hyphened, your child will have both your names. But did not mean you wouldn't be a family, obviously people do have different last names who are family, but I was saying in the whole sense, like when you write to the so and so family. Wow- And, as I said in the begining, I didn't think it mattered if people change their name or not . Sorry you misunderstood what I wrote.

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I'm not at all touchy, just don't agree with what you said. Furthermore, I understood everything you wrote and it appears you're still using that word 'whole' all wrong.

I think it is very important to really think it through if you're unsure about taking FH's last name.

I personally LOVE my last name, and I'm proud of it. His last name sounds like vomiting (IMO ;) He knows its not the prettiest last name, but I can tell he'd be happier if I took it.

Those are just the more superficial reasons though- I've always felt strongly that if a woman feels a loss of her own identity by changing her last name, then she should be able to keep her own name without question!

It's important to me to keep/hyphenate my last name for both professional and sentimental reasons. So, that'll be the WAY it IS!

PS- I have a friend who's been married for 3 years and she still has not changed her last name. She said she knew that she could always change it later on, she just wasn't sure what was best for her at the time of the wedding.

She's recently decided she does want to change it to his, but she's happy that she came to it on her own terms and in her own time.
She was very confident in the fact that it's not at all a reflection of how much you love your husband, but rather personal preference and what is best for the individual.

Do I love DH's last name? No. I am I attached to my last name? No. Do I feel as if it would be a betrayal to my father for taking another man's name? Absolutely not.

DH could care less either way, but I took his name.

IMO, a last name does not define a person. It is how they were raised - whether positive or negative- that makes a person who they are. I don't like hyphenation- not my thing at all. I took DH's last name because I consider myself a traditional liberal who is just as much of a legacy to my father as my brother is. My last name doesn't make me who I am. My soul does. And I have had my last name a heck of a lot longer than many brides on this site - you'd think Id want to keep it for posterity.

Thus concludes my two cents.

For the sake of argument, I just asked DH if he would have been offended if I didn't take his last name, and he said yes. When I asked him why, he really couldn't give me a good answer.

I took DH's last name, but I did give it a lot of thought because I had the last name for 32 years of my life, and unless my brother produces a son, the family name dies with my generation.

I mainly took his name because:
1. It actually sounds better with my name than my maiden name
2. Everyone was already calling me Mrs J. before the wedding
3. Before I changed it, my entire name would get butchered ALL THE TIME. While neither name was difficult, I was only too happy to go to a simple last name. My first name of course, still gets butchered.
4. It didn't affect my profession or career.
5. Hyphenating isn't for me.

I believe everyone should make the right decision for themselves. And next time your FH or DH has a problem with it, ask them if the tables were turned, would they be willing to change their last name to yours??

Okay - I'm really gonna throw a monkey wrench into the name changing game...

what do I do?! Here's the deal....

(names are changed but you get the point!)

I was Jane Doe (had no middle name).

I got married, so I became Jane Doe Smith ( I took his last name, and used my maiden name as a middle name,since I had none - I have been using it for 12 years now)

I became a teacher, and was referred to as Mrs. Smith, and I have 2 children, both Smiths.

I got divorced. I thought about returning to my maiden name, but didn't want to have a name different from my children - they were going through enough, and my 8 yr old daughter was a little sensitive at the time. I also didn't want to have to change back to my maiden name with all 200 of my students - and publicize my divorce in my school.

So I kept using Smith, but refer to myself as MS. SMITH with my students. And i still match my kids.

still with me?

I'm getting married in March. ugh. Now what?!

Take his name and keep my maiden/middle name? (and he & I will have a different name from my 2 kids)

or

Keep my name as is (and match my kids - but it is my ex-husband's name!)

or

Just forget the whole thing and go back to my maiden name once & for all! (and match neither my husband nor my children - and have 3 last names in 1 house!!!)

WHAT DO I DO?!

@iffy... ooo you are right..that is a monkey wrench! Definately makes my decision look like a piece of cake.

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Posted by iffy

Okay - I'm really gonna throw a monkey wrench into the name changing game...

what do I do?! Here's the deal....

(names are changed but you get the point!)

I was Jane Doe (had no middle name).

I got married, so I became Jane Doe Smith ( I took his last name, and used my maiden name as a middle name,since I had none - I have been using it for 12 years now)

I became a teacher, and was referred to as Mrs. Smith, and I have 2 children, both Smiths.

I got divorced. I thought about returning to my maiden name, but didn't want to have a name different from my children - they were going through enough, and my 8 yr old daughter was a little sensitive at the time. I also didn't want to have to change back to my maiden name with all 200 of my students - and publicize my divorce in my school.

So I kept using Smith, but refer to myself as MS. SMITH with my students. And i still match my kids.

still with me?

I'm getting married in March. ugh. Now what?!

Take his name and keep my maiden/middle name? (and he & I will have a different name from my 2 kids)

or

Keep my name as is (and match my kids - but it is my ex-husband's name!)

or

Just forget the whole thing and go back to my maiden name once & for all! (and match neither my husband nor my children - and have 3 last names in 1 house!!!)

WHAT DO I DO?!

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Oh my lord! Okay, yeah, my name decision seems pretty simple now too! I have to think about that one!