OK, I got engaged just about two weeks ago. The first week was great - so excited, loved thinking and fantasizing about life together. We were away on vacation so it made everything that much more amazing! Then we got back to NYC and I have been feeling just so overwhelmed. I oscillate from being so excited to feeling rather sad, like I am about to cry at any second. Also - since we got engaged, my FH and I have had about three fights about the STUPIDEST things - one of which was our guest list. It was such a heated and hot fight I thought for a fleeting moment that they could actually end us. I guess, to say in a nutshell, I am nervous. To be completely honest, I am nervous. I find things that FH does to be annoying that I never found to be annoying before (for example he clears his entire dinner plate every night AND he says he wants to lose weight). Really - it's all stupid stuff. I should insert here that I love him very much - we've been together 3 yrs. so we KNOW each other. All I want to do is go home, crawl into my parents bed, and watch movies and talk to them like we used to do when I was a little girl. Am I being wierd? Did any of you ladies experience something similar in the beginning of your engagement? Please help- any feedback would be MOST appreciated!!
alexlynn7
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
i think the feelings you are describing are normal fears of change. i think we underestimate the stress that 'good' lfe changes, such as engagements, can cause. even though engagement is such a joyful time for you and presumably what you wanted, it is still overwhelming to be starting a lifelong commitment to a person! so no, for what it's worth, i definitely don't think you're weird!! i think most people go through similar emotions at one point or another.
FunBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Alex - thank you for your words!!! For example - we just found a place (it's gorgeous!!!) and a date set (it's being held, still not in contract) and that first night together instead of being so happy about it we started fighting about guest list issues.
randella
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
I think that wedding planning is stressful in itself. You may be putting too much pressure on yourself too soon. Once you put your deposit down on the place.. Take a week or two to just relax and enjoy being engaged.
FunBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
That's what everyone tells me 'enjoy being engaged' - I know this sounds rather ironic and wierd, and almost pathetic, but when you are in the midst of wedding planning it's hard to take a step back and take it all in. So far, I have been nothing but overwhelmed and nervous. Maybe it's because we still have some unresolved issues - like, we haven't put the deposit down, and I still am wondering why he thinks he can invite 120 ppl. when i'm inviting 45!
thiadora
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Feeling overwelmed and stressed are perfectly normal feelings. Getting married is a major life change. However, each relationship is different and unique and without knowing you or your relationship on a first hand basis, I can't really say if the feelings that you are having are just stress or if they're something else.
FunBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Thiadora - good point. I also feel pretty alone in this process (of course there's my mom and my best friend, MOH) but none of my friends are engaged, married or close to being either one. It's hard for me trying to explain what it's like going through this, then I say to myself, what's the point - i'll keep it to myself and share when they are engaged and looking for my input!
I AM nervous if my feeligns are 'normal' or a sign of something else....oy.
randella
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
I think you need to just chill out and not worry about party planning right now. Take some time to step back and really think about this step you are taking. Then maybe you'll be able to figure out the origin of your feelings.
thiadora
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Posted by Ariele
Thiadora - good point. I also feel pretty alone in this process (of course there's my mom and my best friend, MOH) but none of my friends are engaged, married or close to being either one. It's hard for me trying to explain what it's like going through this, then I say to myself, what's the point - i'll keep it to myself and share when they are engaged and looking for my input!
I AM nervous if my feeligns are 'normal' or a sign of something else....oy.
When my FH and I got engaged, I was READY. I had been researching wedding planning for months before it happened. Even with that I was still a frantic mess when we started planning. I was set on having the wedding in October, which was 9 months after our engagement. I was convinced that there wasn't possibly enough time to get everything done. But with less than a month less, everything has fallen into place. (Not that there aren't still things to do. . .)
If it's the planning itself that's stressing you, you have us. And there are book, magazines, etc. . .
FunBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Such a great response Thiadora - thanks to everyone that has responded...I am going to bed with a smile on my face...
mjf1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
I would recommend a book called The Conscious Bride by Cheryl Paul. It discusses some of the feelings that brides go through during their engagement, wedding, and even post-wedding. I read the book, and I found it really helpful to read about other brides' experiences. I also recommended the book to another bride-to-be friend of mine and she also found that it helped to explain some of the emotions she was going through. Your feelings are very normal - you are going through a major life change, and it can all seem so surreal sometimes. Good luck!! Hope the book is helpful.
sophie78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Are you getting married at the Rainbow Room. I just went to a party there two weekends ago. My aunt and uncle had a 50th anniversary party there.
Pattili
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
Stressed........Stressed.........to the max. Just one one day, just one lousy day thats wedding free!!!! I think it happens to everyone. I'm more edgy, and little habits that he has starting to annoy me, (I love him dearly), i just put it down to the stress of everything. He lives about 1 1/2 hours away so basically i'm planning the whole wedding. we're getting married in exactly 33 days, and the construction hasn't even started yet on our place, sigh................just a little stressed, just like everyone else.
butterfly20
Posted:
Member since
Re: Checking in with feelings....
it is a very overwelming time... yes there are stupid little fights that will occur but its just because there is so much stuff going on that sometimes the stress gets misdirected
