Church Vent

It means a lot to our parents and family that we get married in the church. After all is said and done I'm glad we're going to do it there instead of say the RH. What I have a problem with is the cost and how limited we are with options.

We met with the priest and we asked a lot of questions.

My gripes:

We have to pay $650 for a ceremony that will last 30-45 mins. TOPS.

We're not allowed to have our FG throw rose petals down the aisle. I also dont think we'll be allowed to even have an aisle runner.

We're not allowed to throw anything outside of the church. A common thing I know, but its still bugging me.

My priest actually said to me and FH to eliminate our FG and RB b/c they are so young and not to mention they'd take attention away from me on that day.

I completely understand what you are saying. I was originally going to get married at RH, but I am so glad that we decided to go with the church, I personally think it gives it a different feel to the wedding. My church charges a bit more than what you will be paying, but I would have paid the same if we would have had it at the RH.

I am also not allowed to throw flowers, no runner and even though I was disappointed I honestly can tell you that it means more to me getting married at the church than those few things I can't do. If you choose to have a flower girl just have some flowers in her basket and have her hand them out to each guest sitting at the end of the isle, that is what I will be doing.

Good Luck

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Posted by Brila09

It means a lot to our parents and family that we get married in the church. After all is said and done I'm glad we're going to do it there instead of say the RH. What I have a problem with is the cost and how limited we are with options.

We met with the priest and we asked a lot of questions.

My gripes:

We have to pay $650 for a ceremony that will last 30-45 mins. TOPS.

We're not allowed to have our FG throw rose petals down the aisle. I also dont think we'll be allowed to even have an aisle runner.

We're not allowed to throw anything outside of the church. A common thing I know, but its still bugging me.

My priest actually said to me and FH to eliminate our FG and RB b/c they are so young and not to mention they'd take attention away from me on that day.

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Could be worse... we have to pay $780.
And we're not allowed to throw anything either and the reasons they gave make sense :
-There will be no one to clean it up
-It's a slipping hazzard... they don't want to be held responsible if anyone slips and falls and hurst themselves.

The flowergirl/ring bearer comment was wierd.... ehhh, at least you're making your parents happy, right?? Good luck!

You have to look at the other reasons why you would want to get married in your church and try to look past the things you can't do there.

My church too wouldn't allow my FGs to throw rose petals and we're not allowed to use an aisle runner either. I think it's becoming more popular at churches for safety and clean-up reasons.

We were allowed however to throw either bird seed or rose petals outside the church and bubbles.

All churches are going to make you 'pay' or rather a donation to the church for using it. Unfortunately that's how they work.

ETA- I just checked out your pictures and your FG is soo cute! She won't 'take away' from your day- she'll just be an added adorable bonus!!

Can you do bubbles?

I definitely wouldnt cut out your RB/FG...If they are special to you they should be a part of your day

Good luck!

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Posted by Brila09

It means a lot to our parents and family that we get married in the church. After all is said and done I'm glad we're going to do it there instead of say the RH. What I have a problem with is the cost and how limited we are with options.

We met with the priest and we asked a lot of questions.

My gripes:

We have to pay $650 for a ceremony that will last 30-45 mins. TOPS.

We're not allowed to have our FG throw rose petals down the aisle. I also dont think we'll be allowed to even have an aisle runner.

We're not allowed to throw anything outside of the church. A common thing I know, but its still bugging me.

My priest actually said to me and FH to eliminate our FG and RB b/c they are so young and not to mention they'd take attention away from me on that day.

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If you searched this topic, it's been discussed in detail before. The cost you pay for the church helps to pay their gas/oil/electric/heating and other typical 'bills' that the collections do not cover. The fee also pays the organist & cantors at the wedding. Really, 550 for a church is nothing when RH can charge up to 1k for a site fee. IMHO I despise when people complain about the church donation....

As far as throwing petals/aisle runner & the like, it is an insurance liability. If you'd like to throw various items, the cost of the 'donation' will rise to pay higher insurance premiums.

HTH

That price isn't actualy so bad for a church donation---honestly I've seen sooooooooo much higher on these boards. And in the end, it IS going to the church so I don't think its really much to be upset over. I paid $500 for my ceremony fee at my RH---and it just went to the hall and such. Your fee is going to the church and to help pay for things like the people involved in the ceremony.

The aisle runner thing--is usually a liability issue--they can be quite slippery and they don't want people falling in injuring theirself. Perhaps if you assured them that you had a non-slip aisle runner with grips on the bottom, they might budge? If not--it really isn't gonna be a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.

I dont understand why the cost is such a problem? This has been brought up so many times before and I guess I will never understand. Things cost money...that fee is not alot in comparison to most churches-if I remember correctly I paid 550 for my ceremony. For the amount of money that we spend on the 'other' parts to be upset over a couple of hundred dollars for the actual reason FOR the party is a little silly dont you think? We spend THOUSANDS for food but its all about your MARRIAGE to someone...not rose petals...bubbles....or aisle runners.

Who cares if you can do certain things? All the things you listed (except aisle runner) we werent allowed to do and it didnt change a single thing about our day-it was still perfect and everything we wanted it to be. In the end that will not matter-all that matters is you received the sacrament of marriage and have taken the next step in your lives together.

yes the party is fun but dont lose the whole point of the day b/c of 600 bucks

And the comment about the FG/RB is waaaay out there for him to say-but to a priest and church in general they arent looking at it the way that us brides do-the sacrament is very important and they want you to take it seriously and they feel that children are something that will side track people from paying attention-not always true in most cases. IF you want them keep them

650? that's all?

I paid about 900...

Churches use collections to *run* It wouldn't be fair for people's collections to fund someone's wedding.

Its a hard pill to swallow, but if you think about it.. the ceremony is just that ... a RELIGIOUS ceremony and not a production (runners, flower petals etc etc)

I'm afraid this is standard procedure..

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Posted by MattandTricia07

You have to look at the other reasons why you would want to get married in your church and try to look past the things you can't do there.

My church too wouldn't allow my FGs to throw rose petals and we're not allowed to use an aisle runner either. I think it's becoming more popular at churches for safety and clean-up reasons.

We were allowed however to throw either bird seed or rose petals outside the church and bubbles.

All churches are going to make you 'pay' or rather a donation to the church for using it. Unfortunately that's how they work.

ETA- I just checked out your pictures and your FG is soo cute! She won't 'take away' from your day- she'll just be an added adorable bonus!!

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we did bird seeds.. They actually looked like rice which I WISH we could throw for tradional reasons...

however, the problem, I found, with bird seeds is that it got stuck in my hair... My SIL & brother were picking them out for me.. and I'm SURE I had some hidden in there during the reception...

I also know what you are going through. Both FH and I decided to get married at Church as opposed to RH. Very important not only for us (being raised and practicing Catholics) but for our parents as well.

So hard especially when you hear the 'prices' these days, but oh well it is going to the Church.

We also have the same restrictions with Aisle runner, rose petals or any other items being thrown. I have decided to have FG have cute pommander ball which will be so cute and if real flowers they can dry it for her as keepsake.

As far as outside reception what to do, we are still stumped. Not a huge 'bubble' fan..any other ideas?
If not may end up with nothing.
For those churches who said no rose petals (inside/outside) do you know if they would allow silk ones outside?

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Posted by Nuvia97

I also know what you are going through. Both FH and I decided to get married at Church as opposed to RH. Very important not only for us (being raised and practicing Catholics) but for our parents as well.

So hard especially when you hear the 'prices' these days, but oh well it is going to the Church.

We also have the same restrictions with Aisle runner, rose petals or any other items being thrown. I have decided to have FG have cute pommander ball which will be so cute and if real flowers they can dry it for her as keepsake.

As far as outside reception what to do, we are still stumped. Not a huge 'bubble' fan..any other ideas?
If not may end up with nothing.
For those churches who said no rose petals (inside/outside) do you know if they would allow silk ones outside?

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You can do ribbon wands (gettinghutched used these) Im not sure, most churches if they dont allow them inside-dont allow you to throw ANYTHING outside b/c its makes a mess...when in doubt call

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Posted by Brila09

We have to pay $650 for a ceremony that will last 30-45 mins. TOPS.

We're not allowed to have our FG throw rose petals down the aisle. I also dont think we'll be allowed to even have an aisle runner.

We're not allowed to throw anything outside of the church. A common thing I know, but its still bugging me.

My priest actually said to me and FH to eliminate our FG and RB b/c they are so young and not to mention they'd take attention away from me on that day.

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We arent allowed thrown petals or anything outside of the church either. We are using ribbon wands outside the church to make the church happy as well as ourselves So easy to make too!!!

I'd tell the priest thank you for his opinion, but no. We are 3 flower girls ages, 3, 4, & 4. You are the bride - nothing can take away from you!

I got married at my RH because we had an interfaith ceremony. After paying the site fee, the musicians, the flowers and the fees for both officiants, it cost us more money that it would have if we had had the ceremony in a temple or church.

It's too bad that your church is not letting you do some of the things you want to. I think the trend is that all of them are becoming more focused on the rules and regs. I helped my sister plan her church wedding several years ago. Her church was VERY strict because unfortunately they had gotten burned in the past with some weddings going over the top. One bride tried to get them to change another bride's ceremony time so that her florist could put up some elaborate decorations. Another bridal party started drinking champagne INSIDE the church during the receiving line. It's too bad that the rest of us have to pay for those slip-ups.

you can't see the people in this pic but from the amount of bubbles I think you can tell that the attendees had a great time with them. So you might want to still consider bubbles as an option.

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Posted by PegaLega

I dont understand why the cost is such a problem? This has been brought up so many times before and I guess I will never understand. Things cost money...that fee is not alot in comparison to most churches-if I remember correctly I paid 550 for my ceremony. For the amount of money that we spend on the 'other' parts to be upset over a couple of hundred dollars for the actual reason FOR the party is a little silly dont you think? We spend THOUSANDS for food but its all about your MARRIAGE to someone...not rose petals...bubbles....or aisle runners.

Who cares if you can do certain things? All the things you listed (except aisle runner) we werent allowed to do and it didnt change a single thing about our day-it was still perfect and everything we wanted it to be. In the end that will not matter-all that matters is you received the sacrament of marriage and have taken the next step in your lives together.

yes the party is fun but dont lose the whole point of the day b/c of 600 bucks

And the comment about the FG/RB is waaaay out there for him to say-but to a priest and church in general they arent looking at it the way that us brides do-the sacrament is very important and they want you to take it seriously and they feel that children are something that will side track people from paying attention-not always true in most cases. IF you want them keep them

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ITA very well said!