Has anyone been experiencing this or previously experienced this? I have been full blast planning away for 2 months and I was getting very overwhelmingly stressed out... crying for no reason etc. So I decided that I was just going to take a break from wedding planning for a little bit. So its been about a week or so since I have done any planning or anything which has given me alot of time to think.... I just started feeling like things were too rushed and even began wondering if this was right in the first place. I can't pinpoint want exactly is wrong but just something doesn't seem right.... and its causing me severe anxiety. I tried to discuss it with FH but he just thinks everything will be fine. I even started asking him if he was scared etc.... and he was like no... I love you. That didn't help me at all... actually made me feel worse. I have been up since 4am b/c I cant sleep...
Also has anyone moved a date back or canceled things... how do you go about doing that and do you get your deposit back???
Any advice would be helpful....... Please feel free to fm me if you dont want to post openly.
Thanks!
mdawg
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
i think a lot of people reach this plateau at some point in their engagement. in a lot of cases, it truly is just cold feet and you will get over it.. but nobody can make that decision except for you. I wish you good luck, and anxiety-free days... you will make the right decision...because the right decision is whatever makes you happiest.
Summertimegal424
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
i can honestly say i am a nevrous wreck...not so much marrying my FH, cause i know i want to be with him forever and would go to justice of the peace today if we could!
I get myself so stressed out sometimes its digusting. Like this week for instance i was basically crying to my mom and saying OMG there isn't enough time blah blah blah, and my mom was like Coll- u have 11 months...lol ...i have even given myself stress hives...not fun!
im more nevrous about making it the most perfect night! did i choose the right DJ, will they play my favorite songs, will everyone dance, did i choose the right place, will the flowers be beautiful, will the weather be nice? there is a million and one things running through my head and i think that i get over whelmed even more coming onto this site and seeing other girls booking things that i havne't even looked into yet! lol
all i can do is hope that it will be the best day of our lives
mls282
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Re: Cold feet.....
I think deep down I am afraid that it is more than cold feet.....
Summertimegal424
Posted:
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Re: Cold feet.....
Posted by mls282
I think deep down I am afraid that it is more than cold feet.....
if you need to let is out..u can FM me ..im sorry you are going through this... hugs
egem523
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Sorry you are feeling like But like Mdawg said every bride at one point in their planning feels likes this it is very overwhelming trying plan the perfect night. But only you can make that decision if you want to continue planning. One of the greatest piece of advice i received while planning is focus on one vendor at time. When you focus on booking all your vendors at the same time you may not enjoy your planning. Trust me when I started doing I started to enjoy planning more and more. I hope everything works out for you.
sioflute
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
I am so sorry you've been feeling like this. I can honestly say that dealing with the planning is completely overwhelming at times. In most cases, us brides feel that a lot more than the FH's. There have been a few times that I got so overwhelmed and I couldn't understand why my FH wasn't feeling the same thing. I actualy thought if the wedding planning wasn't that important to him, than maybe he wasn't that serious about the whole thing. But we had to talk about it, basically he didn't have a choice. That's the really important part of your relationship. If you can sit down and talk things out, , it might clear your head as to what is the right thing.
You will decide what is the right thing to do for yourself, and that is what is most important.
:
Almostawife
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Re: Cold feet.....
I feel the same way at times. I'm older than many of the girls on her. Just turned 39. Many of my friends are either already divorced or have been married for 10+ years. I've been in tons of relationships and have learned what matters most.
What I have learned is that no relationship is perfect. You are never going to get along perfectly (anyone who says they do is putting on a facade). Money will almost always be an issue between people. You have to accept the fact that you might have different interests and views on things and that is ok.
You have to look at FH and say would you rather spend your life with him or without him. Can you take the bad with the good and will you two be able to support each other through tough times.
When I was younger I would have gotten engaged a lot quicker and been ready to get married. As I have gotten older you are skeptical about everything and you have a lot more to lose if things don't work out.
They say the most stressful things in life are moving, marriage and divorce.
Stop planning for a while and just relax. Maybe take a short trip together.
MrsDrinkh20
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Hey Mary,
Sorry you are feeling this way,..you are definitely not alone...plenty of girls change their dates and even cancel their weddings. You have to do what is best for you. It's best to think about this stuff now rather than after you are married and have the 'Oh s hit, what did i do?' feeling...
I definitely think talking about this may make you feel better...let it out...nobody here will judge you are make you feel bad or upset. we are here to listen and bet some other brides have experienced this!
mrsdraskin2009
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
All the previous posters have given terrific advice. I would definitely consider that it is more than cold feet, thought it may not be. Take some time to think about things--don't rush because you feel like you have to. This is really someting you need to figure out before you continue to do any wedding planning. Ignoring these feelings may only make things worse in the long run.
LegoBride
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
I am so sorry you are going through this. If you think it is more than cold feet only time will tell you that so take a break from the planning to sort it all out. I must tell you there have been times where the wedding planning has gotten to me - I'm having a huge wedding 300+ so that always causes its own problems. Take a few deep breaths and talk to someone - FM me if you like - I am always here to help. You have time so just relax and try to see what you are feeling.
DonnaPWhite1124
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Yup yup I've been there-last year we had to cancel our wedding because we had no money to pay for it. But on top of that we were fighting alot and I guess just all around scared to get married.
Fast forward to this year, we rebooked but honestly, I havent done anything but book a different and more reasonable RH and the church. I've taken a step back from planning anything else because I dont want to get overwhelmed with planning and end up questioning the decisions Ive made (with vendors AND most importantly the marriage).
So take a little time for you and FH to not plan and just relax. Thats what helped my cold feet.
MrsZtoBe
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
The first thing I ALWAYS ask is- Are you hormonal?
If the answer is yes- stop all thinking until you aren't.
If not, I do think this is normal. I get doubts flying through my head sometimes. It is easy to get wrapped up in the fairytale image of weddings and marriage- but the reality is- real life is real life. He isn't perfect and neither are you.
You will just need to decide if you are perfect for each other.
If you need to chat you can message me here are on myspace. I can even give you my phone# if you want.
Hugs!
Sweets14
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Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
From past experience.......make sure you are having anxiety over planning and not your relationship with fh!!! The last time when i had a bad experience i buried myself into so much planning to try and hide our relationship problems. I figured if i planned so much everything in the relationship would just be fine! I was dead wrong. We all get stressed over the endless list we have to attend to. Sometimes you really do need a break from it. That's normal! Make sure your relationship is healthy and strong and most important you are happy with your relationship. I actually almost got married the first time because i felt embarrased that i had my rh, photographer, florist, dress etc.... all booked. i felt like i had to go through with it. I felt like i would dissappoint my family and friends. Well, finnally i just couldn't take my ex's behavior anymore and i HAD to call it off. It was the best thing i ever did!! It saved my life!! Take a step back and just take a look at everything. Planning gets ya crazy that's normal. Just make sure your relationship is not causing the anxiety!! I'm sorry once i get on a roll i ramble on and on!!! If you ever need to talk FM me!! ~Jodie
Sweets14
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Re: Cold feet.....
Ok i have more......
As far as my past deposits..... East Wind gave me my deposit back when they booked my date. It was far in advance and the end of April so they had no problem booking it.
My dj gave the deposit back
The limo gave me my deposit back
Luckily, i met with the florist two weeks prior but did not give a deposit yet.
My photographer did not but he held it for me. So he is using the old deposit for my new wedding!
My dress was ordered three years ago. I was so mortified i never called them. Amazingly they started calling Everyday six months ago. I had half down so the owner gave me 300 off if i picked it up.
On a lighter note.....
My e ring i hocked and had a huge vip party at port jazz!! It was themed an 'I don't' party. I had it on the day i was supposed to get married. I had everything anti wedding. We did a bouguet toss and garter throw in the club. I had a wedding cake with the grooms head cut off. I had a 7 foot banner that said congratulations Jodie for not making the worst mistake of your life! I dressed a male blow up doll in a tuxedo and wrote The best groom~ he doesn't speak on him!!! I custom ordered balloons that said i don't on them. I had a male dancer and a female dancer for all my guests!!It was amazing the support of the people in the club. I had men AND women coming up to me telling me there divorce horror stories and telling me i made the right choice!!!
I hope you got a good laugh at of that!!! Most people do.
dedecakes
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Re: Cold feet.....
Marriage is a HUGE decision so everyone is going to experience this at some point. There are so many divorces today. It is completely normal to feel this way b/c it is a big decision that is going to affect your entire life. It is essentially the most important decision you will ever make.
From everything that you have shared on LIW so far, it sounds like the wedding planning has put a big burden/stress on you. Your engagement should be one of the most happiest times in your life. I think you need to take some more time to think about this before you make any decisions that you may regret. Maybe you can go away with FH for a few days (somewhere close, but away from family, job, wedding planning, etc.) and see how you feel when you get back. Then, ask yourself...Do I wan tto spend the rest of my life with this man?
mls282
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Thanks ladies for all of the advice. I have been through a lot lately just moved across the country last year, started a new job, got engaged and then the wedding planning.... throw in that I got in 2 car accidents this year and I was robbed. So its been a tough year all around. The problem is that I was so set on the ring and having a wedding that I think we let our relationship slide. I have tried to get back that feeling but it is not there... He is like a best friend, we get along, we have similar goals.... but no passion. Its like kissing a friend or something...its so bad. I do love him and care abotu him soo much. I know if we end he will be destroyed and everyone will be so upset... I dont even want to be single again. I kind of told myself that the passion dies anyway so why does that matter but more and more I feel like I am settling... He is a really nice guy... but is he the one?? I can't answer yes to that question and that is what bothers me. I dread the thought of ending things b/c I care about him, we live together and we have a dog together... it would destroy my little family but I dont know what to do. I don't know if I am making any sense at all..... sorry for babbling.....
jmd75
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Don't apologize - we're here to listen and be shoulders to cry on.
maybe the two of you just need to re connect. Maybe plan a weekend away somewhere to rediscover all the little things about each other. sometimes life gets in the way and it's hard to keep up the passion of when you first got together. FH and I have lived together for six years already so I know that sometimes it gets stale. But I think you need to address these things now. If you love him you need to figure out if you want to spend your life as his wife. There is nothing wrong with taking a time out from the planning to make sure the passion is still there. I know it feels like it will be so hard to walk away since you live together and have a dog but in the end if it's the right thing to do you will find the strength. HTH and feel free to FM if you need to talk.
dedecakes
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Re: Cold feet.....
I don't believe that there is ONE special person in the world meant just for you. I think that is the craziest idea I have ever heard. There are just too many people. I have not found 'the one', but someone that I love with all of my heart...someone I would die for...someone I want to wake up to for the rest of my life (even though he's always cranky in the morning)...someone I want to have children with...someone who can make me laugh. We are completely different people...but I like that b/c we compliment each other well.
I had done this at one point in our relationship b/c I was insecure about things...both of us wrote a list of 10 reasons why we love each other. Some were funny and some were very thoughtful. I think it snapped me back to reality and made me realize just why I was so in love with him (and why he was so in love with me).
Sweets14
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cold feet.....
Maybe consider post poning things. You're not ending the relationship you just need more time. You've had a terrible year and maybe you should give yourselves some time to focus on each other and also to make sure he's the right one. Sometime life gets so crazy you forget what you guys really mean to each other and you put your relationship on the back burner. I don't see anything wrong with holding the wedding off. You're not cancelling or ending your relationship. You just need sometime to figure things out. No one is perfect and a friendship is so important in maintaining a healthy marriage! If you seriously having doubts about the marriage my best advice to you is DON'T Do it!! Give yourself some time to make sure it's what you want,. Sometimes it's better to have a long engagement so you can relax and enjoy it.
