COLD FEET

So this has been a terrible weekend b/c FH told me that he was getting cold feet. He said that he didn't want to get married for the wrong reasons b/c it was the next step in our relationship... I've been crying for days. The thought of us not getting married and being together forever kills me!
He went a few days without talking to me, b/c he needed time to think and breath. He went on to say that he's scared - which is perfecty understandable. I just wish this all went down b4 we got engaged. Luckily, he agreed to talk to someone, a nuetral party, who will hopefully help him out. I think he has a lot on the brain right now. He told me he still loves me and he wants to marry me. I actually feel bad for him


Has anything like this happend to anyone else? I can't be alone on this one!

Oh my goodness you poor thing, both of you! Honestly reading what you said didn't give me a bad gut feeling. It really just seems like it's hitting him and it is a lot when you really think about it. I am sure once he speaks to the neutral party it will be somewhat out of his system and you two will move past this. That's what I got out of reading your post, hang in there and you know we are all here for you!!!!

OMG! I'm so sorry your going through this ! Hopefully he just needs some time to realize whats important to him. I hope it works out!


ETA: FH went through something like this a few months before we got engaged. He was questioning 'where our relationship was going' and he didn't know if he wanted to get married anytime soon (at that point). It was a horrible 2 weeks wondering what was going to happen but FH said it was that time in our relationship that he finally had time to breath and open his eyes and he was able to realize how happy he was with our relationship and that he actually truly did want to get married. I guess he just needed an eye opener...he proposed 2 months later

aww hun, try not to take it to heart, hemay just be extremely stressed and overwhelmed right now and weddingplanning/payments is not helping, give it some time, im sure itll work out

This actually happened with me i was the one scared FH and i have been together since i was 17 he is 11 years older than i. He is my first serious relationship so i was scared but i worked it out and realized he is the one. The best advice i can give you from being in his shoes is just give him time but don't push away from you he loves you and needs you by him with your support. You are his best friend and my fh and i always say before anything else we are each others best friend so we talk sometimes as if we are not each others spouse.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Oh my goodness..... Ok I think it is TOTALLY normal to be nervous and I think that's all it is. From what you wrote he seems like this is maybe all just catching up to him. He is doing the right thing by talking to someone and I have a feeling he will move past these nerves.


My best advice is take a break from planning and talking about the wedding. Just ggo about life as you would before you were engaged. Go on a date as just BF and GF... re-kindle a spark. I think that might remind him why he asked you in the first place

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Posted by babsbeark

This actually happened with me i was the one scared FH and i have been together since i was 17 he is 11 years older than i. He is my first serious relationship so i was scared but i worked it out and realized he is the one. The best advice i can give you from being in his shoes is just give him time but don't push away from you he loves you and needs you by him with your support. You are his best friend and my fh and i always say before anything else we are each others best friend so we talk sometimes as if we are not each others spouse.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

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This is so true, we really ARE eachothers best friends. I'll pick him over anyone. This is something we said to eachother yesterday and he told me I was his bestest too.

I truely believe this will all pass and work out for us, I just feel so sad for him, and sad that this is happening. I never expected this, ya know?

Thanks girls

I know it seems like the worse thing he could have said but I give him alot of credit for experssing how he feels.....I think he just needs his space for now...I hope he realizes he made the right choice to get married soon

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I actually had similar feelings when we first got engaged but i never mentioned them to anyone! (but apparently i'm ok mentioned it to the entire world on here lol) For me at least, i never really thought about marriage or my wedding and the whole thing just freaked me out and i was actually getting stomach aches over it. My reason was similar to what ur FH is saying, i didn't want it just b/c it was the next natural thing to do. It took me about a month or so for these feelings to go away. I just needed time to adust to the whole idea and now i can't wait and am soooo excited!

Like other girls said, it might just be hitting him now for some reason.

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Posted by soontobecruz

Oh my goodness..... Ok I think it is TOTALLY normal to be nervous and I think that's all it is. From what you wrote he seems like this is maybe all just catching up to him. He is doing the right thing by talking to someone and I have a feeling he will move past these nerves.


My best advice is take a break from planning and talking about the wedding. Just ggo about life as you would before you were engaged. Go on a date as just BF and GF... re-kindle a spark. I think that might remind him why he asked you in the first place

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ITA!!

i am so sorry

FH had this also before we got engaged. We've been together now for almost 10 years, and I had been pushing to get married.

He kept telling me, I'm not ready.....and one day he even basically told me one day that he wasn't sure if I was the one he'd want to spend his life with....and how is he supposed to know how he'll feel in 30 years. It broke me into pieces. I asked him what else he could possibly want from me that I hadn't already given.......we were together for years, we had been living together.....And I told him that he can't go on thinking what it'll be like in the future, because we won't ever be able to tell. It's not like my parents thought they'd get divorced 30 years later when they got married.

I think you need to sit and seriously talk with him. Even if it means some screaming and yelling and crying. We went through lots of it. That's why when FH finally proposed, my initial reaction was 'Are you serious?' And I asked him about 50 times that night 'you're sure you're really ready????'

I am so sorry that you are going through this -

First of all

This happened to me about 1 month ago. But FH didnt tell me he had cold feet, he said he just needed time to breathe. Between the wedding and taking care of an ill parent he just got totally overwhealmed. But it did scare me too. We went 3 days without talking or seeing each other and I also did nothing but cry, thinking that the wedding was something he didnt want any more. But after the 3 days, he got himself together and things actually have been even better than before. I think all couples go through this at least once- whether its cold feet,just a breather from wedding plans or just a little time for themselves.

It will be ok - if you want to talk FM me

Thanks girls for all your advice! It really helps to see that other people went through this too!!!!

This wasn't something I wanted to announce to everyone, but I knew I would get plenty of support here. I really appreciate it guys.

I think it is totally normal for him to feel this way. I think everyone does at some point before they get married. The good thing is that he is telling you about it. And it is amazing that he is willing to speak to someone. I am so sorry for you, b/c I can't even imagine how upset I'd be if FH said this to me, but it will all work out. huggy: huggy: huggy:

this hasnt happened to me since getting engaged but right before we graduated college (after being together for 3 years), FH sorta had a freak out moment. He broke up with me bc he was getting overwhelmed that we were graduating college and it was so serious. We were apart for a month or so and he came running back bc he realized he made a huge mistake and had just been scared. That was over 3 years ago and we have been great ever since.

hopefully it doesnt take you and fh to break up for him to realize hes just scared, but i think thats all it really is. Talking to someone will probably help him out! I hope everything works out

hey sweetie, I am sorry you are going thru this, I hope he rethinks thinks thru and that the outcome is for the best.

I know you think right now why wait til the engagement but sometimes its better later than never because you don't want this to happened during your marriage. If you guys love each other you guys will make it thru don't worry!!!

wish you nothing but the best stay strong

im so sorry youre going through this- we had a little bit of this issue before getting engaged. i kept telling FH that i wanted to get a move on with this relationship and he kept claiming that he wasnt ready. i didnt want to push him, so i basicallly kept it all inside (all of my crazy desires to start planning) until he proposed. i think he needed that space without me nagging him to realize that we were the ones for each other.

sometimes the guy's friends give them a hard time about getting engaged. FH's brother and other freinds really try to discourage him from getting married (they pretend they are kidding, but i know there's some truth to it) thank god FH laughs it off.

is there anything that you think may have precipitated this? is the planning stressful?