COLD FEET

Original post by beebs341

Jul 14, 2009 09:37 AM

So this has been a terrible weekend b/c FH told me that he was getting cold feet. He said that he didn't want to get married for the wrong reasons b/c it was the next step in our relationship... I've been crying for days. The thought of us not getting married and being together forever kills me!
He went a few days without talking to me, b/c he needed time to think and breath. He went on to say that he's scared - which is perfecty understandable. I just wish this all went down b4 we got engaged. Luckily, he agreed to talk to someone, a nuetral party, who will hopefully help him out. I think he has a lot on the brain right now. He told me he still loves me and he wants to marry me. I actually feel bad for him

Has anything like this happend to anyone else? I can't be alone on this one!

Alexandra17 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:07 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Posted by Rosalind_75

Posted by soontobecruz

Oh my goodness..... Ok I think it is TOTALLY normal to be nervous and I think that's all it is. From what you wrote he seems like this is maybe all just catching up to him. He is doing the right thing by talking to someone and I have a feeling he will move past these nerves.

My best advice is take a break from planning and talking about the wedding. Just ggo about life as you would before you were engaged. Go on a date as just BF and GF... re-kindle a spark. I think that might remind him why he asked you in the first place

ITA!!

ita!

i am so sorry

Alexandra17 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:07 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Posted by Alexandra17

Posted by Rosalind_75

Posted by soontobecruz

Oh my goodness..... Ok I think it is TOTALLY normal to be nervous and I think that's all it is. From what you wrote he seems like this is maybe all just catching up to him. He is doing the right thing by talking to someone and I have a feeling he will move past these nerves.

My best advice is take a break from planning and talking about the wedding. Just ggo about life as you would before you were engaged. Go on a date as just BF and GF... re-kindle a spark. I think that might remind him why he asked you in the first place

ITA!!

ita!

i am so sorry

I agree completely!

Soon2bMrsH Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:09 AM

Re: COLD FEET

oh man i think this is something that every bride dreads... but i feel like he will come around. weddings are big events and guys can get flustered and overwhelmed too quickly and not think straight. let us know what happens!! we are all here for you!

RitasEngaged Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:10 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Wow i am so sorry

This happened to us but before we got engaged and you are right he should have thought this through before you started to plan a wedding

I hope everything works out

cateydee Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:15 AM

Re: COLD FEET

wow this has happened to a lot of people!

blessed18 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:15 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Hang in there girl....
I can totally see how wedding planning aside from everyday life issues can become overwhelming for anyone bride or groom. Its great that he is assuring you that he loves you and that you are his best friend because that is the essence of the relationship. Why dont you guys take a break from planning...maybe go away for a weekend and regroup again. Sometimes we get so lost in the wedding planning that we forget that there are other things that we need to put equal importance too. Trust me i keep reminding myself to keep doing fun things not wedding related stuff with my fiance. We both need it. Everything will work out for the better.

stinenandy2010 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:16 AM

Re: COLD FEET

First, I'm so sorry you are going through this

Now, I can relate.....When FH & I got engaged, literally later that day we went to our first RH with my parents to check things out. Well during the meeting I notice FH is sweating and looks like his heart is going to pop right out of his chest. He was getting nasty with me and my parents. Well we left, FH didn't say a word the whole car ride home. After we got back to my parents we left and as soon as we got in the car, he broke down. He said he thought we were moving too fast and was soooo nervous about everything. Like you, my heart broke and I thought it was the end or something. Well after a few days, he came to me and apologized to me and my parents. He said that all of a sudden all the wedding stuff got to him and he realized he wasn't a kid anymore. He had responsibilities, like to take care of me and one day our family. It was like a wall hit him and realized that he is now a grown up. He was so worried that he would disappoint me, like you afterwards I felt bad, he said he didn't want our marriage to end like his parents. I completely understand why he acted the why he did and since then, our relationship has been great.

So I can relate to you and I know what you are going through. I think that at some point in every relationship, something hits you, like 'wow this is reality' Its scary yet joyful knowing you are spending the rest of your life with someone.

I think you FH probably needs some time to just breathe and take a look at everything. I'm sure he loves you and you will continue having a great relationship.

If you need to talk, FM me.

MrsSoto Posted: Jul 14, 2009 10:19 AM

Re: COLD FEET

im sorry hunny. i will be thinking of you and hoping you guys will get through this. im sure this is so much easier said then done but i guess be glad this is coming up before you get married rather than after. i too, think that its just a case of exactly what you said, Cold Feet...and nothing more.

FutureLW Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:00 AM

Re: COLD FEET

So sorry you are going through this Everything will work out in the end! Guys are just big chickens!

20mrsc10 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:03 AM

Re: COLD FEET

im so sorry this is happening-i hope everything works out

Lu2700 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:08 AM

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i'm so sorry that ur going thru this. keep ur chin up and just try to give him some space, if thats what he's asking for.

shelbylove918 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:13 AM

Re: COLD FEET

so sorry you are goin through this. I think its completely natural to have these feeelings.. This is the exact reason why FH and i were together for 12 years before he proposed cause he wasnt ready. I was always on his case and wondering when is it goin to happen. ofcoarse he was like when im ready and secure in my job , yada yada.... I was gettin so anxious since all my friends were gettin engaged.. and then one day about 3 weeks before my friends wedding her FH called it off cause he had cold feet and he never talked about his feelings to her..soo from that point foward i stopped pressuring fh and just let it happen when it was meant to be.. When FH finally proposed it was perfect and I knew he was totally ready. it was super important to me that we didnt rush into it.. the best advice i can give is talk everything out and dont be afraid to tell eachother what ur feeling even if its not what u want to hear.. cause communication is the most important thing in a relatonship and as long as u do that you will get through this.. it happens to everyone and Im sure eveything will work out for you guys!!! :)

StaceyWill Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:17 AM

Re: COLD FEET

I am so sorry that you have to go through this-you must be broken apart. But, I also feel like it's perfectly normal for him to be feeling what he feels and IT WILL PASS. Everthing is just so overwhelming right now-we can all agree to that. I think it was super mature of him to come to you like a man and tell you exactly what he's feeling.
I hope everthing works out!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

asg450 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: COLD FEET

I'm soooooooo sorry you are going through this. I hope everything works out soon.

Clover23 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:26 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Posted by Soon2bShea

OMG! I'm so sorry your going through this ! Hopefully he just needs some time to realize whats important to him. I hope it works out!

ETA: FH went through something like this a few months before we got engaged. He was questioning 'where our relationship was going' and he didn't know if he wanted to get married anytime soon (at that point). It was a horrible 2 weeks wondering what was going to happen but FH said it was that time in our relationship that he finally had time to breath and open his eyes and he was able to realize how happy he was with our relationship and that he actually truly did want to get married. I guess he just needed an eye opener...he proposed 2 months later

We went through the same thing a few months before we got engaged. Hang in there - I am sure he's just having a guy freak-out.

little j Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:30 AM

Re: COLD FEET

im sorry you are going through this. but it is really great that FH has expressed his feelings TO YOU instead of acting all weird and bottling it up.

just give him time to breath and figure out whats going on his head. take a break from wedding planning. and be there when he needs you

im sorry you have to go through this...but you will come out stronger for it

Michy2009 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:30 AM

Re: COLD FEET

Hi, keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out for you. I am thinking the same as alot of the other girls here.....he is just getting cold feet. Men alot of times arent as strong as we are!! All this planning is probably just giving him a panic attack. Give him a little time, although I know it is probably breaking your heart. The fact that he is willing to speak to a neutral party shows that he knows he has something good in you, and that it is not something that he should just carelessly throw away.

Praying for you and sending you hugs!!

marinai7 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:31 AM

Re: COLD FEET

I am sooo sorry that you have to go through this. It's great that he is expressing his feelings to you so that you can both think about it and discuss. From what you wrote, it looks like he just has cold feet and it is probably just hitting him all at once. He is getting married, the stress of the wedding planning is not helping and he just wants to take a step back. Hopefully when he talks to this neutral party, he will see that he is just nervous and that's all it is. It's good that he is exploring his feelings with you now (no matter how horrible it is to hear) so that you can work on it and become stronger. It takes a strong person to really explain his feelings and to me it is a sign that he just wants to talk to you about how scared he is. You can both explore your feelings together and that will make you stronger. Maybe taking a break from the wedding plans and go away for a weekend to just spend time alone together would give him the break from the marriage idea and the wedding planning. Soooo sorry that you are going through this and are so upset. I'm sure it was really hard for you to post this and we are here to talk if you need.

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Jul 14, 2009 11:48 AM

Re: COLD FEET

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't really have a lot of advice other than to let him work out his emotions/feelings and take it from there. Forcing or harping won't make anything better even though being in limbo is the worse. I think feeling like this are natural most of the time and not indicative of anything worse than normal jitters. It's easy to feel overwhelmed during the planning process. I hope everything works out

Its2Snappy Posted: Jul 14, 2009 12:06 PM

Re: COLD FEET

I think that most people go through this at some point in their relationship. FH and I had been together for just under 8 years when he proposed, and I was shocked! I thought we'd be moving in together not getting engaged! About a month after our engagement I had my freak out moment. I wasn't sure about anything. The future seemed so unclear, and I do not like cloudiness! But, things pass, and you start to feel better. Just give your FH some time. I am sure it will all work out. And big