Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Original post by pa56

Jul 09, 2009 09:48 AM

My friend is getting married later this year and asked me for things that aren't necessary. Here's my personal list and my reasons, please add your own so I can print and send to her. I know everyone has different things, so please put your reasons on there too! Thanks!!

- Engagement Pics: I know a lot of brides get them and are very happy with them, but I personally saw no need for them. I figured after the wedding, we'd put wedding pics up in our apartment anyway. And since they were included in the package, I just traded them for 2 professional albums, which I gave to each set of parents.

- Limos: We had pics taken before the ceremony at the ceremony sight, so there was no need to 'arrive in style' since no one would see us arriving.

- Upgrades no one would notice: I used simple silverware and linens. I figured with the lights dimmed at night, no one would notice fancy tablecloths versus regular ones.

- DIY placecards/programs/guestbook: People look at the programs during the ceremony and then toss them. Why spend $$$ on something so temporary so I made them myself. I made one and then went to Kinkos to have them duplicate 150. Total cost was less than $50 for materials + Kinkos for 150 programs. As for the guestbook, I made it on picaboo.com for $32 and brought it with me to the rehearsal dinner so at least the 'important' people got to sign it.

- Wedding shoes: My dress is very long and there's no way anyone would see my shoes unless I lifted up my dress. So I didn't buy shoes, and instead wore my very comfy high heels that I wear to work everyday.

MikesBride2B Posted: Jul 09, 2009 12:02 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

I agree with whoever said Valet parking is not necessary!! Our RH charges extra for this and we decided not to go with it, even though the parking lot there is gravel. All the men can drive their ladies up to the front to let them out and then go park the car themselves. Also, this way when you want to leave you can just leave and you don't have to pay someone to walk the 80 feet to get your car for you.

Iluvpoodles Posted: Jul 09, 2009 12:08 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

E-Party - Had one bc my grandpa insisted.

Cake knife/flutes - I guess if you're sentimental it's nice to have but I know alot of people are happy using the ones the hall provides you with.

Plasma screen tv's for
dj/monograming/photomontages - I've never seen this until the last wedding I was at and imo a huge waste of money. If the room is large, you can't see the pictures if you sit in the back where we were.

Slipper baskets - Never heard of this until this site and still not sure what they are used for.

Save the dates - I'm not doing these. I think 2-3 months notice with a standard invite is more then enough time.

Engagement Pictures - Would only get if they include them in the photo package. Mine does.

Programs - Only been to 1 wedding that had them and didn't take one. The other people who did, ended up throwing them out/leaving them on the pews. IMO I feel like it's a wedding, not a play.

Church Flowers - Most churchs have them already.

coldasice217 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 12:15 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by mrsdraskin2009

Slipper baskets--of all the weddings I've been to that had them, NO ONE used them.

Cry Packs--Presumptuous, IMO.

Petal Cones, Bubbles, etc--Never get used.

Table Cameras--Pics never come out.

This is basically my list, but add Bathroom Baskets to mine.

I am using ribbon wands though, which is sort of the same as the cones/bubbles...but for me, it's more a personal thing because I used to play with my ribbon dancer as a kid all the time, so I thought it was nice to have a part of my childhood in a way.

dfw343 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 01:17 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

E-pics- if it's free (included), do it, like other poster said, you can practice and get a repoire with your photographer. You can use them for announcements, save the sates...

I did matches only because I am not doing anything else. I wanted ONE keepsake and matches can always be used (candles etc). They are also cheap. I am doing donation instead of favors, no menus, GBs, place cards etc. No one cares. really... and no cake cutter etc...

I am doing candle centerpieces (hence the matches too). This is a personal choice.

I am thinking of wearing my platform suede Stevie Nicks like boots under my dress. I want to wear boots and be comfy (March wedding) and no one will see my shoes (plus it will look good in pics if I want to have a special photo).

Limos- not needed. Getting married at RH.
I think it's great if you have a distance though.

I am not a fan of huge bridal parties, personal choice though...

Engagement parties, I dunno, you are having a wedding so...

I can go on lol....

jme78 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 02:47 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

The only things that you really NEED are your FH and an officiant.

Other than that, its all up to personal taste.

MrsCastanedain09 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 02:49 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by jme78

The only things that you really NEED are your FH and an officiant.

Other than that, its all up to personal taste.

Well said!
I'll just add 2 witnesses, that's all you need.

italgal Posted: Jul 09, 2009 03:31 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

A DOC! What a waste of money. I've been a MOH & a BM twice. All three times these people did absolutly nothing!

Up lighting

Chair Covers

Oversized CP- flowers die too fast to spend $$$$$$ on.

Groom's Cake- Most guys care about booze & would never miss a groom's cake.

Fancy Undergarments- the sexiest thing you could wear is his bowtie.........only his bowtie!

Zap shots from the DJ- Why did you hire a photographer?

marinai7 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 04:48 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

TheFutureMrsPM Posted: Jul 09, 2009 05:29 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by marinai7

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

ITA.
Also a note about the programs I do not think it makes you wedding like a play. I have been to a least a 100 mass' with programs and these were not weddings! I see a lot of people who do not look at them but, I follow along and see who is doing reading and what not. JMO

MrsSoto Posted: Jul 09, 2009 05:34 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by marinai7

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

i agree with you but I think the op just meant to say to compile a list of things that you are saving on and in your opinion only are not needed so that she could give it to her friend and so the she has a big choice of things that she could possibly save on and the reasons why she might not need them.

M_and_J Posted: Jul 09, 2009 05:39 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by MrsCastanedain09

Posted by jme78

The only things that you really NEED are your FH and an officiant.

Other than that, its all up to personal taste.

Well said!
I'll just add 2 witnesses, that's all you need.

great answers

jenturch Posted: Jul 09, 2009 05:53 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by marinai7

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

ITA I thought I was a minority on here. We want our wedding to have the wow factor. People do notice those special little touches. I don't want to skimp on anything when it comes to our wedding.
JMHO

marinai7 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 06:09 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by MrsSoto

Posted by marinai7

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

i agree with you but I think the op just meant to say to compile a list of things that you are saving on and in your opinion only are not needed so that she could give it to her friend and so the she has a big choice of things that she could possibly save on and the reasons why she might not need them.

Yeah, I agree with you on her intent for the post but just wanted to post my reponse because didn't want her friend to see these responses and start taking things out of her wedding just because a lot of ppl say they aren't important. I love this site and think everyone is helpful and just wanted to share my personal view on wanting things for your wedding. Sometimes if you have the majority of ppl telling u that something is not worth it, you start questioning if you should have it. Then it might make them feel upset later that they didn't include in their wedding. It's great that everyone has their idea of what they don't want, but just wanted to tell her to ultimately do what she has always wanted. :)

Sorry it's so long - didn't want ppl to get the wrong idea of what I was saying.

lucamon Posted: Jul 09, 2009 07:09 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

I did not have engagement party, e-pics, rehearsal dinner, hair trial and no permit fee for wedding photos.
My sister's wedding is next weekend. She did not hire a DJ. But she does have an ipod. For the longest time she was contemplating not hiring an officiant. She was going to have a small ceremony at city hall. Then have a reception at a restaurant.

kater08 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 07:41 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by jenturch

Posted by marinai7

Hate to disagree with some of you, but . . . I kind of agree on some of the things that a lot of people have said. What some people are saying about don't do this because nobody will notice, etc, I don't really think it's about what others will use or want. All the extra's that we are doing are things to make our wedding unique and even if a lot of people won't save them, it's still nice at the moment. I just want a total WOW factor when my guests come in and see all the little details that make my wedding different from the other 20, 30 others that they have been to. So I say do whatever makes you happy and what you can afford. Don't do anything that you don't want to spend money on and if there is something you have always wanted and can afford, go for it. In the end, the day is about you and FH exchanging your vows and adding the little touches to your wedding that make it special for you. JMO.

ITA I thought I was a minority on here. We want our wedding to have the wow factor. People do notice those special little touches. I don't want to skimp on anything when it comes to our wedding.
JMHO

To each their own, but I don't think anyone is WOW-ed by programs, matchbooks, cocktail napkins, or valets...

ace730 Posted: Jul 09, 2009 07:52 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

I really think people need to watch how they word things. Saying that the little extras that a lot of girls on here do is 90's is just rude. On the otherhand, It is also rude to imply that those girls who don't do all the little extras won't have the wow factor. Honestly, to each their own. If you have the money and want the little touches, go for it. If you don't, then no big deal.

Just watch how you word things ladies because you might be offending another bride who is really excited about her vision for her wedding day.

Offering your opinion in a tactful manner is one thing, being rude is another.

Future Mrs H Posted: Jul 09, 2009 08:12 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by MrsSoto

For us, these are things we are NOT HAVING...of course there are others that I dont feel are necessary but still are having (not much of this though)

No E Party- For us, this just came down to saving a lot of money. We actually preferred not having it even if it wasnt for money...we want to save all the excitement for the wedding.

No Vienniese hour (sp?)- We would have loved it but also too much money. PErsonally, whenever i go to wedding, by the time v-hour is there, Ive already had dessert (the wedding cake and anything on the side of it, fruit, etc.). To us, its nice, but not needed.

Customized things- We are not having a customized aisle runner, i am going to buy different place cards, and table numbers because I dont like the ones my fh gives out but if i liked them, i wouldnt spend extra money on customized ones.

Fresh flowers on the cake- For us, this just wasnt necessary at all.

No next day brunch, etc hosted by bride and groom or family- If we have a close family, I think this would be nice althought not needed. We on the other hand are not close, lol

ETA: I had to add guestbook cuz i just went to a wedding where absolutely noone signed it...when we were leaving cocktail hour, I noticed it on the placecard table and signed it just saying 'love you both' and our names. Then at dinner, the grandmother had picked it up and was passing it around. honestly, jimo, people are just writing whatever well wishes they have already written in their cards and if noone is gonna notice it anyway, then to me, it a waste of moeny.

When it comes down to it, nothing is really 'needed' for a wedding at all, lol. These are all just things that we want. Some people have even done cocktail parties only with passed food and drinks so its all what you can afford and 'want'!

ITA with all of these. I will add
slipper baskets
cry packs
Big bridal partys (Just MOH and BM no BP drama)

Just my opinion

jenturch Posted: Jul 09, 2009 08:16 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Posted by ace730

I really think people need to watch how they word things. Saying that the little extras that a lot of girls on here do is 90's is just rude. On the otherhand, It is also rude to imply that those girls who don't do all the little extras won't have the wow factor. Honestly, to each their own. If you have the money and want the little touches, go for it. If you don't, then no big deal.

Just watch how you word things ladies because you might be offending another bride who is really excited about her vision for her wedding day.

Offering your opinion in a tactful manner is one thing, being rude is another.

How is stating your opinion being rude? People shouldn't take things personally.

browneyes Posted: Jul 09, 2009 08:17 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

Up lighting, Groom's Cake, Doc, Oversized CP- flowers, E-pics- unless they are included in ur package, B-pics- Cool idea but in the long run what do you do with a photo album of half naked naughty pics of u... IMO...

All those personalized stuff, table numbers, seating cards, napkins etc. more then 1 wedding dress, expensive shoes.. O boy i could go on for hours..

Dont get me wrong i think its great if u want to do all this but imo coming from a girl on a budget n have been to many weddings with all this stuff and with out it,, I cant even tell you how many of this things i realy noticed...
As long as the food music and atmospher is good then thats all they will remember! :)

mokie74m Posted: Jul 09, 2009 08:38 PM

Re: Compiling a list of things you DON'T need... please contribute

I'm not having slipper baskets, bathroom baskets, personal aisle runner, out of town baskets, unity candle, floral centerpieces, or guestbook. At the moment I don't think I am going to do programs either. These things are all nice and definetly a nice touch but for me I don't have the time and/or the money for them.