Sooo...I guess I'm not such a newbie anymore (we got engaged on March 24). As happy as I am to know we will be getting married and start a family together, I can't seem to get into the excitement of this whole wedding planning stuff. I don't know what it is...
Maybe the financial part (we're paying it ourselves and the thought of being in debt def. worries me).
Maybe it's the wedding planning stuff. I've never even planned a small party/gathering - let alone the most special day of our lives. FH def. is involved and wants to be part of all the decisions..but I stress myself over everything. EVERYTHING LADIES. We still haven't booked a place (although we seen so many), can't decide on my color themes - still even going back & forth on when to get married. huh!!! I'm such a mess.
OR....maybe it's just that marriage scares me. ?? I love my FH and there's no doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with him...although I want to kill him at times...but just giving my freedom away scares me to death. Gosh..I feel like a guy! Is there a counseling team here..lol j/k!!!!
I just hear would like to be one of those happy brides..but I'm scared to say that I'm not.
Lisafer1973
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I am right there too. Everone keeps asking me if I am excited for my day and I don't really feel excited. I just want it to be over the planning for me wasn't fun because we too are paying for it ourselves and I have champagne taste with beer pockets. So, everything that I liked I couldn't have because it was way too expensive! I know I will get excited when it is like 2 weeks away, but as for now I just want to get it over with and get on that plane and enjoy my HM as Mrs. I.
well..are you one of those girls who dreamed of a wedding her whole life or no? do you think you are doubting the wedding or the guy?
Ms.LatinBride
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I don't think it's him - I think it's all my issues. I wouldn't say I was the girl to plan her dream wedding at 10 yrs. old - but I do def. want a beautiful day for the two of us to celebrate. I know everytime we argue I say - I can't marry this guy...but deep down I truly love him and he truly loves me. I couldn't picture myself being w/out him. Maybe I'm just scared of the marriage thing. Not because it's him - just because it's marriage. Or maybe it's just the planning period..and it feels like every time we go to decide about something it's sooo damn stressful.
Espo22
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its normal to feel the way you do. And DONT feel bad for not booking a place right away, there is NOTHING wrong with waiting, just enjoy being engaged. I waited 4 months to book anything, i was given advice to also take some time and just enjoy being engaged before all the craziness starts.
Being worried about finances is normal, and its good that you are thinking about it first. You and your FH should sit down and make a budget for the wedding. Talk about what you two can spend, calculate how much you both make a month and see how much you both want to contribute monthly to the wedding and still have money left over...after you calculate what you two realistically can save for the wedding then it will be easier to decide on a budget.
Dont worry about the planning part, it will all come to you. Most of us have never done this before either. Take things just 1 step at a time and it will all come to you.
dedecakes
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Everyone feels that way...especially when they are planning a wedding. Most men leave the woman to the wedding planning b/c they think that's our thing and that's what we like to do. Marriage is a big decision. Everyone feels scared. You want to make sure that you are marrying the right person. I would recommend going away, even if it's just for the weekend, to get away from 'wedding stuff'. Pretend like you are already married and on your honeymoon. See how you feel afterwards.
mls282
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I hear you. I feel that way sometimes too. I am excited for the most part and love planning. I am quite the hostess... but sometimes I stop and think about oh my god... I am going to be married soon and then no more freedom. I don't get why I think that b/c it's like I have any freedom right now...LOL! It's just hard for me to grasp the whole marriage thing at times. I think with all the divorces and broken marriages out there thats whats scaring me. I am excited most days but there are those days that I stop all my planning for a minute and think... What am I doing?? Am I really ready for this?? Part of me responds definitely but the other part of me is scared. I don't know if thats natural.... I am hoping it is.
I too am paying for my wedding and planning pretty much solo. I am planning it from out of town so I am back and forth between Boston and Long Island. Unfortunately he can't take off time from work especially since we need to pay for this entire wedding.... so its tough.
I think taking your time to plan the wedding and just enjoying your engagement right now are the best things you can do. There is no rush and if you have a long engagement then it will give you more time to save up some money and thus put less stress on you guys.
Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ms.LatinBride
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THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!!!!!
You guys made me feel that I'm not insane.
Espo22
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Posted by nora_andy
THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!!!!!
You guys made me feel that I'm not insane.
well prepare yourself bc during the planning process most ppl feel theyre going to go insane lol, but just remember that just about every bride to be goes through it, its all part of the planning.
amandah75
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I'm feeling the same way. Since this all began I've been so stressed. I'm always in wedding mode. Toss and turn all night....all that fun stuff. FH says I need to calm down cause he's afraid I'll drop dead of a heart attack, mom says this is what I'm supposed to be enjoying.
Think I'm just stressed over money too. That's probably my biggest issue. Think once deposits are done and things are booked I'll feel better. Then I can do all the fun DIY projects.
So don't feel alone in your feelings. Think we all just need to take a step back and realize what this is all about.
Feel better!
lilpiggy742
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Oh i feel that way too. Ive just always been super independent and then after we're married it's like.....your life isn't about you and what you want anymore. It's always consulting the other person...you can't just go shopping and spend money. It's scary! But think of all you gain from marriage as well.
Camroy
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The whole process is definitely overwhelming and a lot of times seeing what everyone on this website has done can make it that much more overwhelming. People who have their wedding months after you have 4 times as many things done. You can't have too much communication. Talk to your FH about all your anxieties. FH and I had a talk two weekends ago. He wants to help plan but has no idea what to do. It was funny cuz he said he's never done this before. My answer was 'like I have'. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Just taking it one day at a time. That's all you can do.
Use the checklists available on this and other websites. Start with one item and work your way through. If you're not 100% set on a date, that can become beneficial with pricing when booking your RH. GL! All the girls on this website are very helpful!
MrsInglima
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It seems like it is definitely the wedding itself and not the guy. I'm not sure if you've bought any books or organizers about wedding planning, but maybe buying an organizer to give you a list to work off of would help you get going. It would give you a chance to think about things one at a time instead of feeling totally overwhelmed. Then you can take each vendor one by one and build from there until you figure out what you want. If you're still feeling overwhelmed, maybe you should plan for a smaller or more informal wedding? That might make you feel more comfortable and less anxious about everything.
Also, as hard as it might be, you should probably talk to FH about all of this. Explain to him that you're feeling overwhelmed with the planning process. Maybe talking about it, agreeing to take a month or two off from planning, will help to alleviate your stress and in the mean time the two of you can talk a lot about your relationship and maybe informally brainstorm about things you like. 'My favorite color is blue. Maybe we should do blue as a color?' etc.
I hope things work out. Good luck!
karabara
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I totally understand too. The real weight of the whole marriage thing didn't hit me until we were looking at places for the wedding. I totally freaked out. sometimes I still do. It can be very overwhelming when you think about the whole thing at once, on top of the stress of wedding planning. it really is a lot of work (!!!)
i'll be honest, it's been very up and down for me. i get excited, then i freak. then i'm excited again, then i freak. i think it's me, then i think it's him.
all i know is that i do love him even though he drives me mad sometimes. sorry i don't have a 'coping' strategy for you but just know that you're not alone and it's not a bad sign or anything. it's a huge step and a life change. i think it's normal to have strong emotions about something so big!
