Brides Helping Brides ™ - Confused. Help. Read before poll – Page 2

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Nov 06, 2003 10:15 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

All I can say is You have to be joking?

You would risk all you have with your FH bc you made some firting and eye contact with a stranger.. COME ON!

I get hit on EVERYday by men .. and I would never ever ever even think for one sec WHAT if...

Ronnie is MY IF!!!!!!

Girl you need to step the hell back and see whatyou are doing.. Marriage is forever in my eyes and if you think some small eye contact will have you WONDEr what if..

Marriage isn't the step you should take.....

Misty Posted: Nov 06, 2003 10:19 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

My best friend is going through hell right now because she chose a 'what if' AFTER the wedding. She cheated on her husband, he found out, and now it is pure hell on earth. I don't think I have to go into how bad this is. She's only been married a year.

If you are having these feelings now about someone who did nothing but give a phone number, then you need time to work through whether or not you are ready to be married. The biggest point that my best friend made to me in trying to explain what was happening, was that she 'thought that after they got married everything would be better and different'. Getting married does not answer all of life's relationship problems, it complicates them further. If you have these feelings now they will get worse when you are married.

I am sorry if this came off as harsh, but the harsh reality I heard about last week really puts it into perspective. If you are even considering a phone number to be your fate with someone else...then you need to take a looong step back and look at the bigger picture.

ETA: I am not saying that you should try and find this guy,because honestly, I do not thing that is the point. IMO, I think this 'signs' thing is pure crap.....sometimes we only see signs when we are looking for them.

wenndypoo Posted: Nov 06, 2003 10:38 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

Okay poor girl, you are getting a huge amount of guilt heaped on you by the other brides! Don't take it too personal, the situation you are in is very difficult, and nobody knows it but you.

I have to agree with jimmysbrides advice. To be attracted to someone is human. There will always be temptation in life some big, some small, it's how you deal with it that makes the difference. IMO, you are either having a nervous reaction to the normal stress of getting married, or you are looking for a way out. I don't think that just because you are attracted to someone else it means you are not ready to get married, but it is something that needs to be investigated.

I'd say go....to a counselor of sorts. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it would be good to get your real feelings out with a professional, neutral person.

I hope everything works out for you

septbride Posted: Nov 06, 2003 10:47 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

First -- I hope everything works out.

Second -- I think you need to be honest and fair to all involved. Unfortunately, no matter what people say on this board you will still have to make your own decision (what you think is best for you). I know it's a tough decision but take some time, go to the park or a place you consider peaceful and think about it.

Third -- I think a poll is a bad idea, we can't base life long decisions on polls (JMO of course)

Wishing you all the best.

neesiepie Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:04 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

My question to you is this: what is the point of even meeting someone if you have no intention of taking it further? It is a waste of your time AND his. This tells me that you DO have intentions on taking it further IF he is interesting and attractive and funny enough.....
which most people are when you meet them, since they are on their best behavior anyways. You are going to get in WAAAAY over your head, sweetie. You already ARE. How far are you going to take this? A second meeting? A 3rd? Lying? Why bother if you are MARRYING someone ELSE anyways? The truth ALWAYS comes out eventually....no one is that perfect. Try to think of your FH. This man is your BEST FRIEND FOR A REASON! Remind yourself of all the reasons he asked you to marry him, and why you said YES! Think about the years you have been together, and the memories, good and bad you have shared. Do you want to ruin them forever? Or do you really want to start ALLLLL over again, at Square 1 with a NEW guy??? It's up to you.
I say let you FH know how you are feeling. DONT tell him about this guy. DONT take any further steps to go out with this guy...DO take some time to yourself to think about what you want. Sometimes the best way to see the whole picture is to take a few steps back.
Good luck, sweetie.

suven Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:17 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

I also think that it would be beneficial for you to see the movie 'Unfaithful.' I just watched it last weekend, as a matter of fact....

Watch the movie before you make any decisions, it will probably be very insightful for you.

Xelindrya Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:31 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

All I can say is that this is your life.

We can’t make that final decision for you.

As a person who’s been engaged to two different men I can tell you sometimes things just don’t happen the way you thought they would. Be honest with yourself.

My advise is not to do anything you feel that you may regret later.

Whether that means breaking off the engagement or cheating on your FH first or even if that means not going out with this guy then hating yourself or your relationship because of it. Either way you are the ONLY one who has to spend eternity with yourself and your decisions. I think it’s natural to be attracted to other men, what you do with that is your choice.

You go do what you have to do.

Good Luck no matter what

Jordan Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:33 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

Posted by JimmysBride

You know, it's ok to feel attracted to someone else. You're human and it's perfectly normal. It's a different story when you act on it. Had you left things at the hand shake and walked away but were still thinking of him, I would say, don't sweat it. But the fact that you felt the need to carry this thing further and still feel the need to, tells me that you are not ready to settle down.

I won't discredit your belief in signs but I think that people see signs when they are looking for them. So, you should ask yourself why were you looking for a sign that you shouldn't marry your FH?

This also makes me question your age and experience. I might be making too many assumptions but you sound like a girl who is marrying her high school sweetheart at a young age and hasn't 'lived' enough.

Honestly, sweetie, either don't go through with this meeting or don't go through with your wedding. Good luck.

Well said. I think if you're questioning things with your FH - especially at a time when you don't have any issues/problems with him - then you really need to take a step back and evaluate your choices. Do some self-reflecting and ask yourself some serious quesitons. What you want out of life and what you're expecting to have fulfilled from this meeting that isn't being fulfilled already.

No offense to anyone, but I don't think a movie - a really unrealistic one at that - is going to help anyone in this situation. This girl is quite obviously confused and flirting with unrealistic notions...getting advice from a non-realistic source just seems kooky to me.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:43 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

I wonder what SHE would say if her FH was in this 'situation'..........

We would all be bashing him.. Now wouldn't we?

I think if the attention from another man has got you getting butterflies..
You shouldn't get married and you should really get out more and date!
and see when you find that ONE.. The butterflies will be there for a lifetime.
My parents are married 38yrs and my mother said she still gets them when she sees my father from across the room!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Nov 06, 2003 11:46 AM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

I think this is a very personal decision that only YOU can make.

We can tell you yes, do it, or no, don't do it but only you know how you really feel.

I wish you luck in your decision

MarcellaBella Posted: Nov 06, 2003 12:23 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

wow!!!

I truly feel bad for your FH right now.. The poor guy probably thinks he's the luckiest guy in AMerica and his fiance is out making dates with some dude she just met..

In all honesty, I think you should break off or postpone your wedding if you truly want to see this 'lance' again.. it's the right or should I say fair thing to do.. Just remember that there will always be consequences to your actions and who knows? maybe your FH will not want you back.. All in all, you should treat your FH the way you would want to be treated if it were the other way around..

All in all, I don't think that feelings like this were something that happened overnight, and I think that this was probably coming for a while.

Good luck in your decision.

edited to fix spelling =)

cluelessbride Posted: Nov 06, 2003 12:31 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

If you are willing to risk a long-term relationship over 'SIGNS' then I think you are not ready for marriage.

Sage10.03 Posted: Nov 06, 2003 12:42 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

I feel so sad for your FH right now....

How would you feel if you found out he made a date with another woman and his excuse was 'I had to, I saw signs'....

The only sign I see is a big one saying 'YOU ARE NOT READY FOR MARRIGE'

I am not trying to be mean, offend you or tell you what to do - this is YOUR life. But at least have the respect for your FH to tell him how you are feeling and postpone the wedding until you can figure it out. He may say he doesn't want you back and that is something you would have to live with, but honestly - he deserves the truth.

Do what you feel is right, but don't sneak around on him.

There is no worse feeling than finding out you have been cheated on, lied to, and deceived by someone you thought loved you....

I hope you find peace in your decision and that you are honest with yourself and your FH.

Good Luck -

endlessluv429 Posted: Nov 06, 2003 12:49 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

Not for nothing, but this guy can't be that much a prize--why is he agreeing to see you when he knows you are engaged. how respectful is that

Like Theresa said, Marriage is FOREVER. Don't do this if your not sure---it really is not right @ all---just reverse this situation...how heartbroken would you be or would you

confusedandconfused Posted: Nov 06, 2003 01:00 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

.

usuk2004 Posted: Nov 06, 2003 01:05 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

I hate to say it, but I think you've already been unfaithful to your FH. I would say stay with your FH for all of the reasons the others mentioned, but if you think you'll always be wondering 'what if' then it's only fair for you to call off your wedding.

I think you need to be honest with your FH, think about how he would feel if you decided to go ahead with your marriage because you decided this other guy wasn't worth it and FH found out anyway that you had decided to 'try out' someone else, just in case.

I think he's going to be hurt either way, but better sooner rather than later.

Good luck...

confusedandconfused Posted: Nov 06, 2003 01:22 PM

Re: Confused. Help. Read before poll

Hi All, Thanks for your replies. Very insightful! Someone mentioned that I shouldn't be getting advice from a poll was true. It's the unknowing that drives me nuts. I am not looking to get involved with this person but, maybe he is my excuse for post poning the wedding or having a heart to heart talk to my FH before we get married. I have other underlying issues and factors why I may be feeling the way I do that I cannot disclose because I don't know who will actually reads LIW boards. (friends or family) But, bottom line is that it is my decision. In all my previous relationships and including this one (I haven't done anything yet), I have always been faithful. Im not a bad person...just human! For the record, I am 30. Thanks again girls, I'll continue to pray to do the right thing! Thanks!