Dear...

This is by far the funniest crap I have ever read!!!!

Dear friend/bridesmaid,

Thanks so much for showing absolutely no interest in my wedding. I'm sorry it's such a burden on you going to look at bridesmaid dresses for a 1/2 hour when clearly you did not want to be there and eagerly awaited your new loser boyfriend to pick you up. And thanks for not saying thank you after I treated all of you out to lunch.


Wow that was so mean, but I do feel a little better.

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Posted by Songstress1212

OOOh I know this is an old post but I wanna play this too!

Dear Foreign Customers,

Learn HOW TO TIP. I find it hard to believe that you still dont know the custom in America is to tip a waiter between 18 and 20 percent. I bust my *** for your table and you tip me 15 dollars on a 400 dollar check and then act like you dont know? Waiters dont get paid hourly you em effers, so the 4 hours we spend taking care of your table and not understanding you isnt for fun. For once I would like a table of foreigners to prove me wrong when I stand in the back and tell my fellow waiters, 'GREAT, an accent, no tip for me' but it never happens!!! UGHHHHHHHH

Love, the angry waitress who YOURE SO LUCKY -doesnt spit loogies in your food.

OMG that felt great.

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haha, i was gonna FM you this, but it got too funny for me. FM me where you work though. i work at a steakhouse.

-Dear parents who let their kids throw cheerios and sugar packets all over the floor,
Who do you think sweeps the floor and fills the sugar at the end of the night?

-Dear guy-who-calls-me-Hon-even-though-i-told-you my-name-twice,
ask me again if you forgot.

-Dear guy who shakes his glass at me,
try this: 'excuse me, may i have another drink, please?'

-Dear family whose food got totally screwed up,
It wasn't my fault, and i got your meals taken off the check. all you have to pay for is your drinks. Don't tip me on your new, $20 check!! Your original check was $75, and i still did all the work i was supposed to, and then some! So tip me on the original check!

-Dear couple who is screaming at me because they waited 2 hours for a table,
i had nothing to do with this. go somewhere else. i sure as he11 wouldn't wait 2 hours for a table.

-Dear woman who is complaining that her steak is undercooked but won't let me get it cooked up,
What the hell do you want me to do for you? You're not getting it for free if you won't let me fix it. Don't complain if you're not gonna let me make good.


ahhhhh.......

Dear bad parents,

Stop yelling at your children just because they tell you they have to go pee. Stop threatening to beat them bloody and cursing at them and then getting mad when they turn around and do the same thing to others. stop ignoring your childs cries while you shop for shoes. there are people out there who would love to be a parents, but can't so why don't you try and take it a little seriously and realize that what you do today will affect that childs entire life!

sincerely,
sick and tired

Dear FH uncle,
Why do u live ur life like u r some 25 yr old bachelor with no responsibilities? You do know that you have a wife and 5 children here, yet you live the single life in another state, claiming that you are making a better life for them...Yet you travel at least 2 times a year to the carribean to relax! What about her!? You dont deserve what u have....

dear all of those people who used to pick on me in high school! (lol i was unpopular)
now look!
im getting married
have a great job
in the best shape of my life!

from your old bullied friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Veterinarian


I bring my little stinky to you all the time, and spend tons of money on his care. You performed surgery on his little paw to take a growth out cause he was limping.

So why is it when i pick him up that You have NO IDEA what it was that you removed from his foot, were you asleep while you did it, why cant you tell me how big it was, if it was connected to his pawpad or if it was bleeding alot, etc. For $1100 i should be able to get some information from you.

signed,
a worried mother

Dear self Control

please please please dont let me eat any fat or unhealthy foods! please help me loose weight!!!

- Sincerly
You hips and A$$

dear person who deliberately planned their wedding before they were engaged so they could get married before me

I can't believe you of all people showed your true, jealous colors. I understand you want to get married too...but to plan the wedding when he wasn't even planning to propose and had no clue what u were up to? seriously? wow. I still love you regardless...but u probrably won't be my bm because of this. I can't have someone involved in my wedding who may be jealous.

sincerely,
wishing you the best of luck in your forced quickie marriage!

Dear 1/2 of my Freshman Comp Class,

You're a bunch of disrespectful little bastards. You dont belong in college, so I dont know why you're parents are forcing it on you. I can't, in good conscience, pass someone who does not know the difference between 'to' and 'two', so please plan on failing my class and working at your minimum wage job forever. Shame on your high schools for allowing you to graduate.

And spell my goddam name right.

Love,

H

Dear Work,

Why do you have to get in the way of my life and my wedding planning? And to top if off why can't people just do their jobs correctly the first time around so I am not stuck cleaning up their messes and forced to stay late to make their mistakes right?

Very Stressed Out!

dear LIWeddings.com,

I am sorry, and it really hurts me to say this...but this love affair we have needs to cool off. I need to stay focused on my life and my daily chores and these little romps we have all day long don't allow me to get anything done. I have a pile of laundry to wash, vacuuming, a picture to hang on the wall, dishes to do, a bathroom to scrub down and I have to clean the guest room and fold clothes. What if my FH finds out I've spent my whole day with you while he's been hard at work? oh no, FH will be home soon, you need to go!

Sincerely,
your not so secret lover

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Posted by melonhead

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Posted by Songstress1212

OOOh I know this is an old post but I wanna play this too!

Dear Foreign Customers,

Learn HOW TO TIP. I find it hard to believe that you still dont know the custom in America is to tip a waiter between 18 and 20 percent. I bust my *** for your table and you tip me 15 dollars on a 400 dollar check and then act like you dont know? Waiters dont get paid hourly you em effers, so the 4 hours we spend taking care of your table and not understanding you isnt for fun. For once I would like a table of foreigners to prove me wrong when I stand in the back and tell my fellow waiters, 'GREAT, an accent, no tip for me' but it never happens!!! UGHHHHHHHH

Love, the angry waitress who YOURE SO LUCKY -doesnt spit loogies in your food.

OMG that felt great.

---

haha, i was gonna FM you this, but it got too funny for me. FM me where you work though. i work at a steakhouse.

-Dear parents who let their kids throw cheerios and sugar packets all over the floor,
Who do you think sweeps the floor and fills the sugar at the end of the night?

-Dear guy-who-calls-me-Hon-even-though-i-told-you my-name-twice,
ask me again if you forgot.

-Dear guy who shakes his glass at me,
try this: 'excuse me, may i have another drink, please?'

-Dear family whose food got totally screwed up,
It wasn't my fault, and i got your meals taken off the check. all you have to pay for is your drinks. Don't tip me on your new, $20 check!! Your original check was $75, and i still did all the work i was supposed to, and then some! So tip me on the original check!

-Dear couple who is screaming at me because they waited 2 hours for a table,
i had nothing to do with this. go somewhere else. i sure as he11 wouldn't wait 2 hours for a table.

-Dear woman who is complaining that her steak is undercooked but won't let me get it cooked up,
What the hell do you want me to do for you? You're not getting it for free if you won't let me fix it. Don't complain if you're not gonna let me make good.


ahhhhh.......

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OMG I LOOOOOOVE THIS!!! The good thing about working in the city (especially the meatpacking district) is I can be a snob to my table if I want.

Dear Me,

Why are you so freakin indecisive about every little thing? Why do you stress out about everything? PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!! And while you're at it stop wasting so much time this semester or your GPA is going to plummet...

Me

Dear 08 girls,
Thanks for this hilarious thread. I am in kind of a bad place right now and this just had me laughing for 20 minutes.

xoxo,
KnC

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Posted by emomma17

This is by far the funniest crap I have ever read!!!!

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Exactly!!!!

Dear Johnny Depp,

Im sorry that you wont be my babys daddy. I tried to hunt you down but you were in the Carribean filming. Hope to rape you soon!!!

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Posted by MPAS

Hope to rape you soon!!!

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Dear car,
Why can't you cooperate during the month of busy appointments. And stop it with the parking tickets too.

Dear checking account,
Why are you so bouncy?

Dear friends who get mad when FH and I can't go out every weekend like you. Please understand that we are saving for our wedding and our house.


Dear skinny girl.

Why are you taking a high intense cardio class when you can't spare a pound to lose. Stop complaining that your fat.