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We have tried everything. She's NUTS. She needs not only rehab but serious mental help. She's totally insane. Since she's almost 40, we can't have her committed like we did when she was a teenager. And she refuses to take any medication (prozac, etc..), see a therapist or anything. She thinks we are all the crazy ones. And her poor kids are going to wind up as f*cked up as her.

This is a very difficult situation. I think your best bet it to make your mom your MOH. Your MOH should be someone special to you and someone who you can definitely count on. Its sounds like your family is pretty familiar with her antics, so if she shows up and causes a scene, maybe you can designate a close friend or family member to help escort her out. Its your day, don't let her ruin it!

You definitely do NOT need this stress!

I wouldn't have her in the wedding, but I would have her there. Any problems-have your BM call the cops. Maybe when they show up she won't give you anymore $hit.

all i have is

Dont do that to yourself!

Tell her to get lost and I wouldnt invite her or have her in my party... i wouldnt even tell her where it was being held haha

seriously...That is really hard. do what your heart tells you to do..

Tough decision..all I have are

I'm so sorry to hear that you're in such a sticky situation!
I think you should def. not make her your MOH, because she might not be able to handle it. Just because she's your sister it doesnt mean she's automatically your MOH. Maybe you can give her a special responsibility? Be a reader or something? (but the role to be flexible enough that you can swap out if she gives you a hard time)

Try to keep things friendly despite all the negativity. Because the last thing you want on your wedding day is to be stressing out over your sister.

What type of relationship do you exactly have with your sister? How often do you speak with her and where does she live? I couldn't imagine my sister not being at my wedding, but that is me. I think you need to examine your relationship with her and decide if you want that to continue in the future. By not inviting her to your wedding you will most likely sever any hope of a relationship with her at all. I know she is crazy from what you say, but have you tried sitting her down and talking with her? I find that with people like this it is best not to attack them and make them feel important and needed. Also, how 'special' are her children's needs that they cannot be invited to the wedding? In the end, it is your decision and you know what is best, but just make sure it is a choice you can live with forever....GOOD LUCK

Family is difficult. Sorry. I wouldnt invite her or let her know any of your plans. I know she is your only sibling but she's not much of one if this is what you have to worry about. I would definetly think about some form of security if you can afford it or let the hall aware of the situation. Im soooo sorry I wish I could make it better for you.

Thank you all for your support. I needed to vent. My FH is getting sick of hearing about this.

I see her once or twice a year. She lives on LI with the rest of my family and I am currently in New England. Sometimes, we go a month or so without talking. We used to be close, a few years ago... but her behavior has gotten so out of control that I prefer not to even talk to her sometimes. She never called me to congratulate me on my engagement. Ditto for my pregnancy. I found out last week that we're having a girl (yey!). My father said 'did you tell your sister?' I said 'what for?' She'd only ruin the moment.

As for her special needs children, they are not disabled. One has a mild form of autism (asperger's syndrome) and the other one has ADHD. They are total terrors who scream & fight 24 hours a day. She has in the past gone so far as to tell people that they have fatal illnesses. She is a vicious and compulsive liar. When I passed my tests on my baby, she said 'must be nice.' It's like she was mad.

I haven't mentioned the BM or MOH issue with her at all. I did have a convo with her as soon as I got engaged... I called her to ask her flat out if she was going to be mad if our dad helped us pay for the wedding. For the record, she had 2 GALA weddings. Two. Paid for by my dad. But now she cries poverty & my dad gives her money and pays her mortgage. So I got her 'permission' to ask for money for the wedding... or so I thought. Within DAYS, she went to my dad & said 'I can't beleive you are going to give her money when your grandchildren are starving to death' and demanded another $10,000. My donation from my dad has now been reduced. Dad apologized and said 'your sister cleaned me out.'

I try not to get bitter but its hard. I want to not invite her at all but my dad won't hear of it. My mother says its my wedding & to do whatever I want.

Wow.
I'm just speechless.
I thought my relationship with my sister was not good but this is just crazy.
I feel really bad for you.
As far as your dad goes, he can't stop loving and helping your sister because she's also his daughter. He wants to see two of you getting along when in reality that's almost impossible.

You may want to invite her to the wedding, but wouldn't get her too involved. Just tell her, 'this is my special day and I want you to be there but I know you have a lot going on in your life so I will ask mom to be my maid of honor because she can give me the time and help I need'.
Whatever she does after that, that's her business and what kind of a scene she will make. But at least you tried to communicate with her.
You have to concentrate on your pregnancy, planning your wedding, etc.
She should be the last of your concern.
Just put it aside and deal with her around the wedding.
Best of luck sorting her out.

That must really be hard to hear that from family to see that they arent genuinely happy for you ... for her to say 'it must be nice' i wouldnt tell her anything else about whats going on in your life ... cuz jealousy is a bad thing that makes even 'stable' people act crazy..so imagine...
CONGRATS ON YOUR BABY GIRL!!!