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first off, i think you should definitely go to fh's house for fathers day. Very soon, this is going to be your family too. I think that maybe you wrote that email in 'the heat of the moment', but i don't think its that harsh. Maybe this will be there wake up call. The last few months gets very hectic because so many things can only be done at that time, and you do need help. Maybe send another email just letting everyone know that the reason you asked them to be apart of your wedding day is because you really love and care for them. Let them now that you really need there support right now and would just appreciate them being there for you. It will work out!

I really don't think you were wrong to send that e-mail. I wouldn't be offended by any of that honestly. You were telling them how you feel because you didn't want to snap at them. I would definitely go to the house for Father's day and it is definitely stressful, but it will work out!

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Posted by jeanne08

thanks. But now I haven't heard from FH since I said I wouldn't apologize for my feelings.

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Tell him that the LIW girls said to get over it! Really your email wasn't anything to cry over. If anything it should make people feel bad for making a joke over something that takes time and effort to coordinate. Tell them that the Rasta is off that day, so no one gets dread locks! How about a real answer!

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Posted by jeanne08

This is the email I just sent to everyone. I hope I got my point across.
(Thanks for posting that video Marisa!)

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say anymore. The email I sent All of you yesterday was my true feelings about All the things that have been bothering me. If I sit back and don't say anything then no one will know why I'm getting upset. But if I do say something I'm a horrible evil person.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just trying to put together a nice party and would appreciate help when I need it.

PS- Do you think I can get Doug to do this for the wedding? http://www.youtube.com/shereckvideo
See I do have a sense of humor sometimes.

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I think thats perfect. Everyone knows how hard and stressful it can be to plan a wedding. I'm sure they understand.

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Posted by jeanne08

This is the email I just sent to everyone. I hope I got my point across.
(Thanks for posting that video Marisa!)

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say anymore. The email I sent All of you yesterday was my true feelings about All the things that have been bothering me. If I sit back and don't say anything then no one will know why I'm getting upset. But if I do say something I'm a horrible evil person.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just trying to put together a nice party and would appreciate help when I need it.

PS- Do you think I can get Doug to do this for the wedding? http://www.youtube.com/shereckvideo
See I do have a sense of humor sometimes.

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LOL not a problem!!! I truly don't think the email was that bad - it did seem like you wrote it in the heat of the moment as someone else said, but that's not a bad thing! Did anyone actually reply to the email, or did they just complain to FH, who then got mad at you??

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Posted by jeanne08

FMIL took it very personally, like I was only talking about her, and she is apparently very upset with me and is complaining to FH and that's why he's getting mad at me and saying I should apologize.

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IF (and that's a big if) you're going to apologize for anything, maybe it should be writing it in the heat of the moment and that things came out a bit more angry-sounding than they might have if you'd cooled down a bit - however, I really don't think you have to apologize at all! I guess when FH gave you the go ahead to write an email, he didn't expect it to come out that way, huh? I'm sorry you're going thru this

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Posted by RisiLeigh

IF (and that's a big if) you're going to apologize for anything, maybe it should be writing it in the heat of the moment and that things came out a bit more angry-sounding than they might have if you'd cooled down a bit

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i agree with this .... i think the negative reaction you are getting is mostly based on the way things were worded & phrased, not necessarily the sentiment behind the words.

just remember .... you get more bees with honey than with vinegar

Jeanne, no doubt people are upset because they are ashamed they had to be admonished about something they should have been aware of, and probably were aware of. They need to humbly apologize. Love you, my little seastar girl!!!!! Mary MOB

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Posted by jeanne08

But now I haven't heard from FH since I said I wouldn't apologize for my feelings.

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I think your FH needs to be there for you when you're upset. DH and I went through this too, he was behind me on an issue and then when his family responded negatively he started to side with them. That isnt ok, you are a team and he needs to understand that. and you arent wrong about this particular thing anyway, so for him to suggest you not spending time with his fam on fathers day is only going to cause even more of a rift between u and his fam. JMO but he should be saying all the things that the LIW girls are saying to you. Besides, like someone pointed out, you are going to be part of that fam soon and you need to work out problems with them directly, not through FH

I'm really not trying to be mean...but you asked for opinions.

I think your email was way too 'heat of the moment.'

Someone mentioned previously that most people DO understand what its like to plan a wedding, but honestly, I don't think that's true. Many of your BMs might have been caught totally off guard by your comments because they don't understand - or maybe don't remember, because they've been married a while - what it is like to plan a wedding.

Yes, its stressful...but it seems like they were trying to joke around. Maybe bad timing on their part...but these are people that decided to be a part of your wedding. They could have said no.

My advice is to find someone - outside of the party - that you can biitch to and complain about whats been going on. Yes, we all have timelines, and yes, sometimes you have to put your foot down when people don't follow through, but I can see why FMIL is hurt...and I do think you have to apologize in person. I wouldn't want to start things off on the wrong foot with FH's family.

Again, I'm sorry if I seem kind of blunt, but I wanted to give you an honest opinion. If I were one of your BMs (especially one that was trying to joke around - a la dreads), I'd be seriously hurt/annoyed if I received your email.