im so sorry u r going through this...the thing that surprises me the most is 1.what ur mom sacrificed for her and 2.the fact that u did what she is doing when she got married..did she forget how much work n money u put in?was she thinking it would not be the same for her?she should be happy to do this stuff for the simple reason her sister is getting married...i hope she comes around b/c she will regret not being there for u in the long run...maybe ur mom can talk some sense into her..im glad u had enough to take it n brush it off...otherwise it would eat at u...feel better hth and keep us posted
i am so sorry... the most important thing to do is like you said, do what YOU have to do and don't let them take away from anything even though i'm sure its hard. good luck!
im so sorry u r going through this...the thing that surprises me the most is 1.what ur mom sacrificed for her and 2.the fact that u did what she is doing when she got married..did she forget how much work n money u put in?was she thinking it would not be the same for her?she should be happy to do this stuff for the simple reason her sister is getting married...i hope she comes around b/c she will regret not being there for u in the long run...maybe ur mom can talk some sense into her..im glad u had enough to take it n brush it off...otherwise it would eat at u...feel better hth and keep us posted
Thanks for your kind thoughts. And you are right- I was happy to do these things for her 6 years ago and she should be the same and NOT throw anything in my face. She makes it all about what she has done and doesn't look at all into what others have done for her.
My Mom really is NO use. She thinks we are both being ridiculous and that we should both CHILL out. She refuses to take sides on anything.
At this point though I am really wondering if I should tell her to take a hike. I think if I do, things will be more peaceful for the next three months.
things may be peaceful...and i dont know the history of u 2..just b4 u make that big decison make sure when ur big day come u dont look around n wish she was there...nothing to even bring anything close to a frown on u wedding day..if u dont think u would care then its prob best to tell her to take a hike..just be careful what u choose..hth
Careful what you wish for regarding having a brother instead of a sister.
Because I'm sure your sister wouldn't have pantsed you last christmas in front of the family, and thought it was funny.
And besides that, they marry women, and that's even worse. And then they have kids, and the whole family bends over backwards to please the SIL because she is the gatekeeper of the grandkids.
Regardless of the above, I am so sorry your sister is acting like that. I don't really want to say anything bad, because then when you make up I'm going to sound like a bi+ch, but she sounds like she's being extremely self centered, childish and selfish. And as for your mom, I think she's being a bit inconsiderate as well. She's enabling your sister, and now your sister takes your mom's help for granted, like your mom HAS to be there. Hey, what if your mom HAS to be somewhere else? Suck it up and PAY a babysitter. And as for her complaining about the time she HAS to give up for your wedding, I suggest you do NOT raise your voice, and just say quietly, 'You know, when I did it for your wedding, I was really happy to do it. I'm glad you let me know that you don't feel the same way. I'll make other arrangements.'
Careful what you wish for regarding having a brother instead of a sister.
Because I'm sure your sister wouldn't have pantsed you last christmas in front of the family, and thought it was funny.
And besides that, they marry women, and that's even worse. And then they have kids, and the whole family bends over backwards to please the SIL because she is the gatekeeper of the grandkids.
Regardless of the above, I am so sorry your sister is acting like that. I don't really want to say anything bad, because then when you make up I'm going to sound like a bi+ch, but she sounds like she's being extremely self centered, childish and selfish. And as for your mom, I think she's being a bit inconsiderate as well. She's enabling your sister, and now your sister takes your mom's help for granted, like your mom HAS to be there. Hey, what if your mom HAS to be somewhere else? Suck it up and PAY a babysitter. And as for her complaining about the time she HAS to give up for your wedding, I suggest you do NOT raise your voice, and just say quietly, 'You know, when I did it for your wedding, I was really happy to do it. I'm glad you let me know that you don't feel the same way. I'll make other arrangements.'
Good luck with this nightmare!
I love you. You word things so well and always have a way of making people feel better. Thanks for that. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you have said. EVERYTHING. I have even told my Mom that she is F'd up for adandoning my Dad and I. Yes, my parents are married. How weird is that? She just went upstate to take care of my Nephew. So it's not even ME I am thinking about- it's my Dad! He's 68 now and I feel that they should be spending time together. But he's been retired since he was 55 and my Mom never worked and they have spent tons of time together but still... Now I am trailing off.
I have told my Mom how I felt. She thinks I am being bratty. I have told my Sister that I am upset because Mom is not here for me and that she should understand being that she was engaged once and had my Mom for everything. She tells me I am jealous. Does that even make sense?
I agree that people have their own kids and take care of them THEMSELVES. I already plan on doing it by myself. Everything I have done was by myself. I never ask anyone for anything (Even though my parents have contributed monetarily for everything.) STILL, I don't even ask. I plan on taking my kid to daycare. My Mom says she will help. We'll see.
My Dad will even say 'Michele, why do you care? You are getting everything you want, I am paying for the wedding and Pat's Parents are paying for your honeymoon....' I say to him that I'd much rather pay for my own wedding if it meant that I had my Mom participating in some things. I have always wanted to share this moment with her and I really haven't entirely.
Oh, and I did say to my Sister NICELY that I did the same thing for you when I made like a 100 bucks a week but I was happily involved and never used it over your head. I forgot what smartass comment she said in response to that.
Careful what you wish for regarding having a brother instead of a sister.
Because I'm sure your sister wouldn't have pantsed you last christmas in front of the family, and thought it was funny.
And besides that, they marry women, and that's even worse. And then they have kids, and the whole family bends over backwards to please the SIL because she is the gatekeeper of the grandkids.
Regardless of the above, I am so sorry your sister is acting like that. I don't really want to say anything bad, because then when you make up I'm going to sound like a bi+ch, but she sounds like she's being extremely self centered, childish and selfish. And as for your mom, I think she's being a bit inconsiderate as well. She's enabling your sister, and now your sister takes your mom's help for granted, like your mom HAS to be there. Hey, what if your mom HAS to be somewhere else? Suck it up and PAY a babysitter. And as for her complaining about the time she HAS to give up for your wedding, I suggest you do NOT raise your voice, and just say quietly, 'You know, when I did it for your wedding, I was really happy to do it. I'm glad you let me know that you don't feel the same way. I'll make other arrangements.'
Good luck with this nightmare!
so true about brothers! in fact, your sister reminds me a lot of my brother. i mean, don't get me wrong--we love each other, but omg is he self-centered. family nonsense is never fun bc there are these people whom we may not have chosen for ourselves because of characters flaws, choices, etc. but we have them in our lives for better or worse. maybe your sister will calm down and come around; be supportive; show some sign of understanding why the situation bothers you? maybe with your mom you could make some specific requests about things you want her to be involved in? (maybe you've done this already.) like my brother, your sister is the kind of person who doesn't care how her poor life choices negatively impact others. i'm really sorry you're stuck dealing with that, but I do understand how you feel.
Im sorry you are going through this... Sister can be difficult somethings.. Especially if mom is always helping and spoling them... FM if you want to talk.. I clearly understand you.. Just relax and talk to your mother so you can make it work with the fitting..
Im sorry you are going through this... Sister can be difficult somethings.. Especially if mom is always helping and spoling them... FM if you want to talk.. I clearly understand you.. Just relax and talk to your mother so you can make it work with the fitting..
Earlier today I tried to speak to my Mother. No use. I ended up hanging up on her.
