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Posted by lauren1802

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Posted by dpanzarino

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Posted by Bride2Be78

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Posted by lauren1802

ive given for every wedding ive been in. you have to figure it as part of the expense, either way! maybe a bit less bc of expense (to close friend/family vs. what i would have given if i wasnt in it), but not less than average (that i would give to any couple).

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Lauren1802-I have done the same too. I always give whether I'm in the bridal party or not.

I hear there are always a few non-gifters. If I couldnt afford it, I would not attend the wedding. That's just me.

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I always give a gift when I'm a BM. Some of my guests didn't give a large sum or $$, and I totally understand! The two people from whom I didn't receive gifts didn't even write out a card!!! So they didn't get a 'thank you.'

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you an get a card for $1 plus .44 stamp (is that right lol) !!!

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LOL... And now I don't have to spend that $1 when my friend eventually gets married b/c I'm not giving a card!

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Posted by leidyk

which makes me ask, how do you address that? she asked me how to address the ppl who didn't give a gift? do you put them on blast, or let it go?

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I think it's just best to let it go. Keep a record of the non-gifters so you can politely decline any future invitations you may receive to their events or just don't bring a gift when you go.

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Posted by Bride in 2012

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Posted by leidyk

which makes me ask, how do you address that? she asked me how to address the ppl who didn't give a gift? do you put them on blast, or let it go?

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I think it's just best to let it go. Keep a record of the non-gifters so you can politely decline any future invitations you may receive to their events or just don't bring a gift when you go.

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I agree with this!! It will damage the relationship. Unfortunately, these days the economy isn't that great and people cant afford to be generous but if it was me & I had no $$ to purchase a gift, I would not attend the event.

I find it a bit odd...I mean I guess it could be for some reason, but I can't really think of it. As for bridal party, if you talk about not giving gifts than I can understand...or if the bridal party wound up spending a TON of money on other stuff.

However, I feel if you're that close to be asked to be in the bridal party, you'd want to give a gift because you WANT to. My FH has been in weddings where he had to pay for us to get there, 2 night hotel stays, tux, other random stuff, and a very generous gift bc it was his best friends. I guess it all depends though!

Was it a destination wedding or were most guests from out of town? I could see if you had to travel really far to get there or something, but I don't know.

Also, I don't really believe in 'covering your plate.' I give based on how close I am to the couple and would expect the same. I can't possibly know how much a bride and groom spent on my plate, nor is it necessarily within my budget to cover it.

I am throwing a wedding without the expectation of making back any of the money we are spending. It's a party for everyone to see us get married - not give us gifts. If people want to bring a gift (OFTEN in addition to the gifts they've given at showers, etc) then that's extra that we're not counting on and I'm grateful.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I think we'd be really disappointed if we counted on that money and didn't make it all back, you know?

Out of 115, we had 11 non gifters not counting those thatsent stuff while we were on our Honeymoon, etc. We got about 5 gifts that way after the wedding.

We got a gift in September from a non gifted and a card from DH's cousin who thought she gave it to us, and just found it in a pile when she was cleaning (they had just moved before the wedding), and a small gift from DH's friend.

So now we have 3 non gifters.. One is a good friend of mine who had been unemployed and just started a job prior to our wedding, and spcame from California! I don't blame her at all. Bt she should have given a card

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Posted by jooney77

Thanks so much for all the feedback. My sister just emailed me that her friend has received over ten gifts in the mail since Tuesday. Perhaps she underestimated her guests, or was exaggerating. She said about 20% were out of towners. I bet people simply didn't want to schlep heavy gifts to the wedding.

Even so, as a guest I always bring either a card with a check the day of, or make sure any registry gift is ordered with ample time for shipping. I'm glad to hear many of you do the same.

I wondered if maybe someone got a hold of their card box at some point, but my sister said that her friend's aunts took turns 'watching' it. Oh dear. It's a shame you'd even have to do that--we didn't but it kinda makes me wonder...anyway sorry for rambling! Thanks again!

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Who is carrying a gift to a wedding? Did she not get married in NY? The funny thing is that I told this to DH's family, and his parents and his aunt were the only people who brought something to the weeding. It's as if they thought I was lying!

While it is customary to give a gift, it is not required.

When my mom got married, times were hard, like they are now. A neighbor approached my grandfather and told him he was out of work and could not afford a gift but he would like his wife and daughter to attend so they could have a bit of fun in a difficult time. My grandfather told him 'I will be insulted if your whole family does not attend. You come with a daisy in your hand and that will be more than I expect.'

Now that is class.

Only invite those you love and who are more precious to you than the cost of the dinner.

I don't think it's the point of not giving a gift, but not even writing a card is RUDE!!!!! Not being able to afford a gift and showing love through a heart-felt note is just as meaningful!!

Like I said, I had one couple and one close friend not give gifts. The couple said NOTHING to me. And I know they're not having hard times. My friend told me she forgot the card and never sent one later. She just got a raise/promotion before my wedding.

In some cases I got a small gift and appreciated it just as much as the very large ones. Acknowledging the fact that it was a wedding and not just an open-house party is important. A CARD, just write A CARD!

I haven't been to too many weddings..

But to answer the Bridesmaid Part - my good friend asked me to be a bridesmaid when I had just found a job after 8 months out of work -without unemployment benefits (long story.)

But Between $300+ on dress and shoes, $200-300 on travel, $300 or so on the hotel while we were there.. I sent her a small gift from her registry, then in addition wrote a very heartfelt card that I handed to her and the groom personally (also had a small giftcard in it).

So despite travel, no reason not for at least a card and small gift. It's the thought that counts.