I booked the Watermill without my fiancee. I was overwhelmed at the way the place looked and I was with my parents who are paying for the whole wedding. My fiancee is mad because he wasn't there to look at the place, I told him he could still go there before I gave the rest of the deposit but he says no he will go the day of the wedding. I got him to open up a little more yeterday and he seems like he is starting to forgive me. He really had his heart set on Giorgio's but I agree with my parents that place is a little too far, especially if I wanted a night wedding. Thanks girls!! oops I mean ladies.
cindyandkevin
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
My FI works nights and we have his daughter on the weekends so wedding planning with him is kinda tough. From the beginning he told me to do the research (which I was more than happy to do) and then he'd help out once I got things narrowed down each step of the way.
For the most part I've been doing stuff with my mom, then I show my FI what each vendor said and their proposal. I brought him to the hall for his approval, then I went back and booked it w/out him (but I had his ok).
It's all been going like this, just keep him involved before you make anything definite. Vendors may try to pressure you but honestly you've got time to think about these things and talk it over with your FI before you sign a contract. You're doing things early, the dates don't book that fast!! It's better to make the right decision than a rushed one!
Like the other girls have said, your FI is hurt now and you sent a message that this is your day with your family and he doesn't feel included. You have to involve him and let him make decisions, it's great that your parents are paying but they've had their day; now it's your turn with your FI.
What's done is done, it'll blow over and you can show him the beautiful Watermill once he calms down. But do be sure to keep him in the mix before making any other solid decisions!!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I can see why he was mad. Although my FH said I could make all the final decisions, he still wanted to be there to see everything. And if your FH has his heart set on one place, it would have been nice for him to see the other place so he could warm up to the idea of having it someplace else. Why don't you schedule a tasting for the two of you so that he can see ballroom and taste the food? It may make him feel more involved.
laborday06
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Posted by jandt2006
Posted by laborday06
Once he gets over the initial being mad, I'm sure he will come around. Maybe give him a week or so and then take him out there to see it. Tell him to be thankful that you parents are paying...you are so lucky! The watermill is lovely and I'm sure it will be just as nice as giorgios
he is actually very good like that if he gets mad over something he is usually over it by the next day.
At least you know he really cares about the wedding, some guys don't get too involved. Make sure he is involved with the rest of you planning. Maybe let him head up the honeymoon, limos and DJs that way he feels like he has a bigger say in those vendors. Guys usually are most interested in those three anyways! Good Luck. What's done is done and I'm sure he will love the watermill.
steflily
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I have to agree with the other posters. You made a mistake. Apologize immediately. It's his day as well. I would take him for a tasting and a tour and if he really disagrees, you might need to eat the deposit and go elsewhere. Although this also means that you can vetoe Giorgios if you don't like it. Find someplace that meets all of your needs. There are so many places to choose from.
Good luck. This planning is not easy and it is easy to get overwhelmed. We are here when you need us.
leese
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Posted by jandt2006
i did, he still said no.
geez - I think you really may need to ask him if he'd like to go look at other places. have you told your parents about this development? was it a large deposit they put down?
I think the crux of the issue is that yes, they are paying, but he is the man you are marrying and he needs to feel like HIS interests are more important (or at least as important) than your parents. We deal with this all the time...it's hard, because they are being generous and I bet you were super excited... but you need to 'cling' to your husband rather than your parents.
For the future, i've found that the best vendors - the hall, dj's, photo, etc. - are the ones that don't pressure you to book that day. i have not so far (and Im done with all the big ones) lost out to a vendor because i walked away and thought about it for a day. You never need to book right then and there - in fact, I've gotten BETTER deals walking away because they wanted to see me come back!
Have you asked him if he'd like to see some other places? Can you still look around a bit more or does he not want to look anymore?
jandt2006
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
honestly i dont' want to look anymore, any place after this i would have to settle for october and if it was october it would be have to be late october which i really don't want. we agreed in the beginning to have it in sept.
leese
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Posted by jandt2006
honestly i dont' want to look anymore, any place after this i would have to settle for october and if it was october it would be have to be late october which i really don't want. we agreed in the beginning to have it in sept.
are things really that booked up at this point? wow! i'm out of touch.
i guess all you can do is apologize.
good luck.
jandt2006
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
i did apologize a million times even on my parents behalf. well yes all the good places are booked up. thanks for all your help though.
beautyq115
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I could never book something without my FI being there...especially the hall ( sorry) We go to every vendor appointment together....its our day
kellwolfe
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
That great the Michael says that its My day and the only thing that he wants is to be my Husband ..... he just cared about the music
iffer042373
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Posted by beautyq115
I could never book something without my FI being there...especially the hall ( sorry) We go to every vendor appointment together....its our day
Yeah I have included my FH in every vendor and things that I have ordered form the computer I have had him look at before I placed the order.
I guess from now on l et him have a say in things before you make the final choice and if he doens't like it or doens't want something then let it be like some of the other girls have said tis his day as well as yours
sarahthegreat
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
i can see where your fh is coming from. personally, i would've booked the hall w/o chris with me, he wouldn't want to be left out of that decision.
LMFitz
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
His frustration is understandable. The hall decision was one of the only things I absolutely made my FI weigh in on. He didn't want to see it, but I made him - and I'm glad. I'm sure if you bring your FI there he'll fall in love with it just seeing how much you like it.
july06bride
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
When I went looking it was with my mother and MOH, FH was away on business..I found THE PLACE- we did NOT book- but I was so excited and FH knew it...soooo even though I didnt book without him, He knew that it was where it was going to be... SO, your FH is mad/upset and IMO rightfully so- It is very easy for us all myself included to make decisions without the men, but it is their day too- SOOO reinforce the fact that you wont make any more decisions without him...
Giorgios is beautiful- BUT, watermill is TRULY Fabulous as well. I think you made a great decision...good luck!
hmpena
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I can completely understand why your FI is mad. I don't think you should have booked without him and I agree with everyone who said that he feels he is being left out. I think you should sit down with him and really talk this over. Explain to him that you didn't mean to exclude him and let him know how much you value his opinion. Then ask him to look at other places. If it means moving the wedding so that both of you will be happy, then I say do it. After all, the date is not as important as the wedding itself. And if one person isn't happy from the beginning the marriage will suffer.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
Pookiesangel
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I agree with the ladies, he will come around, but just try to include him on everything else. I think we take for granted that the boys don't really care, when in fact they care just as much as us, but are not the type to fuss about things...
When we first started planning Pookie was not involved he would roll his eyes everytime I showed him pics of things I liked, but one day we went to the Hallmark in Lake Success and they had a bunch of wedding things on display, all of a sudden he was like oh honey what about this and what about that?? and forget it when we met with Laurie from LaBlossom.. he had more opinions on flowers than me and my sister combined..lol
The moral of the story is.. it matters just as much to them as it does to us
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Every place can't be booked until the end of October, thats 18 months from now; there are peole who plan weddings in six months and have their receptions at beautiful halls.
candb
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
I went with my FI to look at a few halls, but when I looked at Lombardi's I went with my parents. I was in love! I negotiated the price, but didn't book it. My FH was a little upset too. I think he might have freaked if I actually booked it. Really, he was just upset that he couldn't see my reaction when I went the first time. It was something he wanted to share it with me. Anyway, I think like everything else, this too shall pass. He'll get over it, and you'll have a great wedding.
sarahbelle
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
Posted by hmpena
I can completely understand why your FI is mad. I don't think you should have booked without him and I agree with everyone who said that he feels he is being left out. I think you should sit down with him and really talk this over. Explain to him that you didn't mean to exclude him and let him know how much you value his opinion. Then ask him to look at other places. If it means moving the wedding so that both of you will be happy, then I say do it. After all, the date is not as important as the wedding itself. And if one person isn't happy from the beginning the marriage will suffer.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
I agree with Hollie. You have to get him to talk to you about how he feels and what he needs from you. I understand that you don't want to look at other halls, but you also don't want this to snowball into a bigger issue about his involvement and participation in wedding planning.
Good luck.
Preshy7
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Re: Did I make a mistake? please dont' be harsh..
thats ok - i booked my place by seeing a video of it becasue it was not built yet! my mom and i loved it- and fh saw the video that we took home and he liked to too and said 'as long as you are happy' he has still yet to see the place all decorated.
