Dilemma.........what would you do?

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Posted by WinterBride08

I'd do it, but FH has too much pride too

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Pride can often be the very best motivator!

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Posted by Espo22

i wouldn't, only if my mom needed me to then i would. SHe will live alone after I move out so thats hard to think about, but if for any reason such as financial, health or anything like that then i would more likely have my mom live with us if anything. IF that was a current situation then yes i'd stay until things were settled with her.

My dad, it would be too much, i love him but he is alot to handle but again if he needed us then i would in a heartbeat.

But honestly both sets of parents well the mothers ill say have both said 'DONT LIVE WITH THE PARENTS' my parents lived with my dads parents for a little bit after the wedding and my mom said she hated it, and fh's parents had a similar situation. About fights not being private, getting involved and just a different feeling period. So both sets of parents actually gave us the advice that its better to live on our own, well we already had decided to but this topic came up somehow.

if my parents needed me i would do it in a heartbeat like i mentioned above and same with FIL's. Although we might be forced to stay in my current apartment with my mom for a few weeks waiting for a closing date lol

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There is no way I would ever live with my Mother and especially not FMIL. I would rather be sheltered by a crack house!

yes and we are going to be once we get married.

FH's parents have a full apartment in the upstairs of their house. It is huge and it's only his parents and his grandma in the house. So they feel why waste the upstairs- and why charge someone they dont know to live there. SO they offered for us to live their rent free until we can buy a house. I am hoping only 2-3 yrs the most.

I think it would be a little easier living with my parents...however, FIL's are really not that bad. They definitely give us privacy. It is jus that I know they will expect us to stop in and say hi everyday when either of us get home- which you know what if I can live in their house rent free then I can respect that and go and say hi to them and give them a simple acknowledgement that yes I appreciate what you are doing for us.

I know there are some things they do that I have already talked to FH about and well he has talked to his parents and they agree to not just come up to the apt through the connecting door to their house bec it will be locked nad if they need us they can either call or knock on the door!!! And we also said the laundry is NOT to be touched since it is in their basement we have to go through their house and not use our outside apt door. FH's grandma has a thing with not leaving laundry in the dryer or washer machine and folding it. So I said noooo way am I having yuor grandma fold my underwear. FH told them about our concerns and they are respectful of us as well.

So I am sure it will work out- a little stressful at times yes. but FH and I would rather deal with a little bit of stress from this then financial stress of trying to pay for a house, school loans, cars and other stuff!!!

DH and I live with my parents and I absolutely love it. We pay no rent and have been paying 'rent' to our bank account which has been growing non stop since the wedding. We plan on staying two years so we have a nice down payment for a house. We do not have a separate entrance BUT we have our own apartment and once I go up there it is like I forget that my parents are downstairs. My parents have not stepped foot upstairs unless INVITED, my mother won't even ask to come up it is the funniest thing ever. My dad has been up once to help me with something. I really love it and I wish we had taken them up on their offer to actually build on the house and make a separate entrance because I would have no problem staying here once we have children ( of course we would have paid rent THEN since they would be paying to redo the whole house ).

So far, the ONLY downside has been explaining our situation to other people. People can be judgemental and it hurts sometimes that people assume we are lazy or freeloaders. We are definitely NOT those things - we just were offered a head start and we are taking advantage of it!

I would definitely do it, good luck with your decision!!

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Posted by ant n tilde

DH and I live with my parents and I absolutely love it. We pay no rent and have been paying 'rent' to our bank account which has been growing non stop since the wedding. We plan on staying two years so we have a nice down payment for a house. We do not have a separate entrance BUT we have our own apartment and once I go up there it is like I forget that my parents are downstairs. My parents have not stepped foot upstairs unless INVITED, my mother won't even ask to come up it is the funniest thing ever. My dad has been up once to help me with something. I really love it and I wish we had taken them up on their offer to actually build on the house and make a separate entrance because I would have no problem staying here once we have children ( of course we would have paid rent THEN since they would be paying to redo the whole house ).

So far, the ONLY downside has been explaining our situation to other people. People can be judgemental and it hurts sometimes that people assume we are lazy or freeloaders. We are definitely NOT those things - we just were offered a head start and we are taking advantage of it!

I would definitely do it, good luck with your decision!!

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tilde I feel the same way. His parents are helping us out to get a great head start. Plus it will feel good in 2 years to say wow we saved all this money up and can put a down payment on a house we can actually afford and not have to worry about looking at house that are out of our price range and struggle to put a payment on it. Plus FH will just be finishing 5 yrs in the Marine Corps and well his parents miss him and he misses them- he isnt a mamma's boy= not at all but he would like to be able to see them since he hasnt seen them at all. Plus my family lives 5 blocks away- so very convienent for me since I will def miss my family and FH loves my family as well. So I am sure we will be over there for dinners at times, and I am sure we will have some dinners with FIL's. but never will they be intrusive!!!

But Tilde I get it from some people too about our situation. but you know what when we can afford a house in 2-3 yrs and not struggle we will be the ones making good for ourselves!!!

if it were a significant savings then yes i would do it - if we could save like 2K a month that could go straight into our savings i think we would do it b/c in 5 months thats 10K we'd have in the bank - but i dont know if i coud live with my parents - maybe FHs

ets: now we rent from my FHs parents - they have a 2 family house and we rent out the 1 bedroom apartment but we are still responsible for paying rent, utilities, etc. the plus is that i can go upstairs and use their washing machine and dryer

FH and I are kind of doing it.

FH owns the house we will live in but it's really his mother's house, so it's like Grand Central station there (FH is the youngest of 6). We can't just sell the house, and he's carrying a mortgage on it. So we're going to live in the apt. he had made there when he 'bought' the house from his mom and save save save, for the next 3-5 years. Of course, unless we decide to build an extension to the current house, which I don't want because I want us to have our own home in the future.

It's definitely a sacrafice, but in the long run we'll have our own house and space and we can save a lot of $$. If we weren't having a large wedding we wold probably well on our way to having a house within 2 years, but we decided we wanted a big Long Island wedding.

FH and I are going to be staying temporarily (1 year or less) with my parents. There is a 2 bedroom 'apartment' (no kitchen) on the second floor that we will be staying in.

My parents are building a wall to cutoff the main house so that we all have our privacy.

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Posted by MrsK2008

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Posted by Espo22

i wouldn't, only if my mom needed me to then i would. SHe will live alone after I move out so thats hard to think about, but if for any reason such as financial, health or anything like that then i would more likely have my mom live with us if anything. IF that was a current situation then yes i'd stay until things were settled with her.

My dad, it would be too much, i love him but he is alot to handle but again if he needed us then i would in a heartbeat.

But honestly both sets of parents well the mothers ill say have both said 'DONT LIVE WITH THE PARENTS' my parents lived with my dads parents for a little bit after the wedding and my mom said she hated it, and fh's parents had a similar situation. About fights not being private, getting involved and just a different feeling period. So both sets of parents actually gave us the advice that its better to live on our own, well we already had decided to but this topic came up somehow.

if my parents needed me i would do it in a heartbeat like i mentioned above and same with FIL's. Although we might be forced to stay in my current apartment with my mom for a few weeks waiting for a closing date lol

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There is no way I would ever live with my Mother and especially not FMIL. I would rather be sheltered by a crack house!

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LOL i would do it IF they needed me such as they were sick or had financial issues so not if i needed to but if they needed me. But both are great and easy to deal with. My mom is so laid back and easy to talk to and is like a friend to me. FMIL is awesome too.

BUT like i said, only if we had to. FH wanted to look for an apartment in my building and i kept saying NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i dont want to be THAT close to my parents, a few blocks is fine or a few minutes away but not the same building.

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Posted by ant n tilde

DH and I live with my parents and I absolutely love it. We pay no rent and have been paying 'rent' to our bank account which has been growing non stop since the wedding. We plan on staying two years so we have a nice down payment for a house. We do not have a separate entrance BUT we have our own apartment and once I go up there it is like I forget that my parents are downstairs. My parents have not stepped foot upstairs unless INVITED, my mother won't even ask to come up it is the funniest thing ever. My dad has been up once to help me with something. I really love it and I wish we had taken them up on their offer to actually build on the house and make a separate entrance because I would have no problem staying here once we have children ( of course we would have paid rent THEN since they would be paying to redo the whole house ).

So far, the ONLY downside has been explaining our situation to other people. People can be judgemental and it hurts sometimes that people assume we are lazy or freeloaders. We are definitely NOT those things - we just were offered a head start and we are taking advantage of it!

I would definitely do it, good luck with your decision!!

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dont worry about what others say. Like you said, you are saving alot of money and you are happy and love the situation so thats what matters. Plus you have your own space upstairs so it works out.

I think how everybody answers depends on one thing and thats how they get along with their parents and how their SO gets along with the parents. Many people have intruding parents so they will say no automatically. If you dont have this problem then people dont mind living with the parents and it helps them. My parents did it soon after the wedding, and FH's parents lived with FIL's sister in a house they had their own space, and did this for a bit right after they were married. They saved a decent amount and bought their own house so it helped them. So whats not right for another person is great for others and as long as you're happy then that is all that matters.

i would sooo do it...

my FHs parents are never home they own a 24hr business so they get home really late

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

DH and I live with my parents and I absolutely love it. We pay no rent and have been paying 'rent' to our bank account which has been growing non stop since the wedding. We plan on staying two years so we have a nice down payment for a house. We do not have a separate entrance BUT we have our own apartment and once I go up there it is like I forget that my parents are downstairs. My parents have not stepped foot upstairs unless INVITED, my mother won't even ask to come up it is the funniest thing ever. My dad has been up once to help me with something. I really love it and I wish we had taken them up on their offer to actually build on the house and make a separate entrance because I would have no problem staying here once we have children ( of course we would have paid rent THEN since they would be paying to redo the whole house ).

So far, the ONLY downside has been explaining our situation to other people. People can be judgemental and it hurts sometimes that people assume we are lazy or freeloaders. We are definitely NOT those things - we just were offered a head start and we are taking advantage of it!

I would definitely do it, good luck with your decision!!

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dont worry about what others say. Like you said, you are saving alot of money and you are happy and love the situation so thats what matters. Plus you have your own space upstairs so it works out.

I think how everybody answers depends on one thing and thats how they get along with their parents and how their SO gets along with the parents. Many people have intruding parents so they will say no automatically. If you dont have this problem then people dont mind living with the parents and it helps them. My parents did it soon after the wedding, and FH's parents lived with FIL's sister in a house they had their own space, and did this for a bit right after they were married. They saved a decent amount and bought their own house so it helped them. So whats not right for another person is great for others and as long as you're happy then that is all that matters.

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thanks! I try not to let it get to me but it is frustrating because we are BOTH very hard workers.

The funny thing is that my parents WERE instrusive before we got married and I was so worried. I was not allowed in my bedroom with DH with the door closed even when we were engaged. We were not allowed to BOTH sit on the bed. . .it was ridiculous. BUT my parents lived with my dad's parents after they were married so they know how hard it is and they have so much respect for our marriage. It was like on our wedding day they morphed into different people and they have been really respectful of our privacy!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

DH and I live with my parents and I absolutely love it. We pay no rent and have been paying 'rent' to our bank account which has been growing non stop since the wedding. We plan on staying two years so we have a nice down payment for a house. We do not have a separate entrance BUT we have our own apartment and once I go up there it is like I forget that my parents are downstairs. My parents have not stepped foot upstairs unless INVITED, my mother won't even ask to come up it is the funniest thing ever. My dad has been up once to help me with something. I really love it and I wish we had taken them up on their offer to actually build on the house and make a separate entrance because I would have no problem staying here once we have children ( of course we would have paid rent THEN since they would be paying to redo the whole house ).

So far, the ONLY downside has been explaining our situation to other people. People can be judgemental and it hurts sometimes that people assume we are lazy or freeloaders. We are definitely NOT those things - we just were offered a head start and we are taking advantage of it!

I would definitely do it, good luck with your decision!!

---

dont worry about what others say. Like you said, you are saving alot of money and you are happy and love the situation so thats what matters. Plus you have your own space upstairs so it works out.

I think how everybody answers depends on one thing and thats how they get along with their parents and how their SO gets along with the parents. Many people have intruding parents so they will say no automatically. If you dont have this problem then people dont mind living with the parents and it helps them. My parents did it soon after the wedding, and FH's parents lived with FIL's sister in a house they had their own space, and did this for a bit right after they were married. They saved a decent amount and bought their own house so it helped them. So whats not right for another person is great for others and as long as you're happy then that is all that matters.

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thanks! I try not to let it get to me but it is frustrating because we are BOTH very hard workers.

The funny thing is that my parents WERE instrusive before we got married and I was so worried. I was not allowed in my bedroom with DH with the door closed even when we were engaged. We were not allowed to BOTH sit on the bed. . .it was ridiculous. BUT my parents lived with my dad's parents after they were married so they know how hard it is and they have so much respect for our marriage. It was like on our wedding day they morphed into different people and they have been really respectful of our privacy!

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Oh i do remember you saying all of that before you two were married. But yeah once you are married they would have to change all of that hahahaha. So happy to hear they are respecting your marriage and giving you the privacy you need. I know you would like to stay in howard beach and purchase a home there and for that you REALLY need to save, wow did the prices go up in that area so i am sure this will help out alot.

People who talk sh*t will do so regardless and find something to talk about. Shows that they are probably having their own issues or not happy with things so thats why they feel the need to do so

i wouldn't---but that is just because i know how my family is and i wouldn't want to be living with them and my DH at the same time. just something that wouldn't occur to me. i guess because my dad is the type that when he hears about couples living with in-laws or parents or whatever, he goes nuts and hates it and expresses how he'd NEVER allow his kids to do that in his house.

but --thats just me---whatever will work for you is what you have to do.

I would definitely do it.
My best friend got married last May and for the first 4-5 months they lived with his parents to save money and it was definitely worth it for them. They just bought a house and are very happy!

My situation is somewhat similar but different

Me and Fh moved out after about 9 months of dating, we rented an apartment for 2 years and then bought a house.

my FH decided to knock down the house, and we stayed in construction as long as we could. And then we went to FH's parents house. They do not charge us a dime for anything. We dont have a separate apartment but we have a room. We butt heads because we are so different.
I miss my space, and privacy since i lived with FH alone for over 3 years.

It is helping us save money, because if we didnt live with them we would have to get a temporary apartment and would have to pay rent on top of all the other expenses.

Sometimes you have to do things you dont want to do in order to get what you want. And usually that sacrifice pays off in the long run.