Disagreement w/ Friend

Great minds think alike.

A couple comments:

My FH's friend was married in a hall by a priest from one of the Catholic orders. I don't remember which one. He came in heavy black robes wearing a chain belt with a big old cross on it. We spoke to him after and he said his order dated back to the crusades and were the 'warriors' of the Catholic priesthood.
It was pretty neat. I would think that their marriage counts as valid by the catholic church. He WAS a priest after all.

My first marriage was in VA by a JOP. This was in 1993. My daugter was born in 1995 and I had no problems or questions about having her baptized at a Catholic church and I am not even Catholic! I think it depends on the Church you go to. Some are more
'progressive' than others.

Just my 2c!

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Posted by skew

ok, the disagreement continues. if the church doesn't recognize the marriage, can you then have your child baptized or do you have to be married in the church first?

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My BF got married outside the church (due to baby circumstances) the priest thought she was way to young & knew that if she wasn't pregnant they wouldn't of been getting married. 10 months later same preist baptized their son. No problem!

I'm getting married at our hall by a Roman Catholic Priest and a Rabi (I'm the Catholic one) and our Priest said that it is recognized (I had to send in proof that I was baptized etc) and there was no problem having out children baptised.

I believe you can ask the diocese through your Priest to have the wedding outside of the church - as I understand it - - it just can't be outside - only inside.

YES! I just finished preCana and the priest said that they do. But, he said it's much easier to get the church to anul that marriage since it did not happen in a Catholic church.

He also told us that the Catholic church does a pre-marital investigation and will most likely find out about other marriages- even those that happened in Vegas...

Hi girls, I got married last October at the Oheka and had my ceremony there. I spent 'two full months' speaking with the following five different churches: Baldwin, Bellmore, Syosett, Woodbury, and Rockville Center, Five diffent priest, four diffent nuns and a bishop. Here are the answers I was given from ALL of the above mentioned::

The Roman Catholic church will NOT recognize two Catholic people who get married outside the church. Techinically it mean Outside the physical 'Walls of the Church', and not anywhere or anyplace which is not inside a physical church with walls and ceiling'.

To which I argued......Well god preached and gave the Eucharist, Wine and blessed his people from mountain tops and hills, why can't a priest do it outside where I chose to in the open where god is everywhere??????

Answer: It is a 'MAN-MADE RULE', in otherword, somewhere along in time, someone made up the above rule.

Secondly: The chuch will recognize your marriage outside the church as long as
One person is Catholic and the other can be of any other religion.

Thirdly: If you chose to get married outside the church and both parents are catholic, The church WILL accept the children into the catholic religion. To which I argued: Oh so they punish the parents but not the children!!!

Fourthly: The answer to the question 'What does the marriage being recognized by the church mean???

Anwer: I got married by a priest who had to leave the church because he chose to get married. He still is considered a priest, but is not recognized by the Rockville Center Arcasies(sp?). In other words, he can not submit your birth certificates to the church so that they can be recorded as being 'married by the churh'. However, he does have the authority of New York State to preform marriages, and he submits them to the state, which means you both are legally married.

As a result, if in the future, you were to get divorced and want to get married again, you would be able to get married at the Church because on your birth certificates it does not state you were ever married by the church.

I got a letter from the Bishop of my church letting me get married at a closer church to Oheka, but one church would not let one of their priest preform the cermony, I had to bring one from my church!! And the other finally allowed it, but would charge me $600 because I did not belong to that church.

And finally, Pre-Cana!!!! Well, I had been living with my FH for numerous years, which we all know it a BIG NO-NO!!! So what choice would I have had, but for both of us to lie to the priest and church because if they know you have been living with someone, they may choose not to marry you!!!!!!!

It's very sad.... You would think in this day when the church is suffaring with:
Priest abusing children, and priests rapeing nuns, that they would want do everything in their power to hold on to paritionors and welcome new members.... But....They seem to make their own rules along the way.......


I hope this has helped answer some questions, I went thru hell with my mother and finally gave up and had my ceremony at the Oheka.

Any more questions, please ask

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Posted by june262004

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Posted by butterfly20

pretty sure the church only recognizes maraiges that are in a church....

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Yup.

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Actually, this isn't true. You can get married outside the church and have it recognized by the church IF: 1) You are a registered and active member of a parish; 2) You and FH promise to raise your children Catholic; 3) you must receive dispensation to get married outside of a church. The difficulty of this depends on the diocese you're in.

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Posted by Jen_n_Dale

This is what will happen with us. I want to raise our kids catholic because I am catholic. We are getting married at our hall. I know they will give us a hard time when it comes to having our children baptized.

And if the church gives me a hard time, well then maybe it is time for a new religion that is accepting of us.

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Many churches probably wont give you a hard time. My cousin as well as a few good friends were not married in a church for various reasons (past divorce, didnt want to, mixed beliefs) and all have kids and none have had any issues getting their children baptised. and none had to attend any classes to do so.

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Posted by 2UNTAMED

And finally, Pre-Cana!!!! Well, I had been living with my FH for numerous years, which we all know it a BIG NO-NO!!! So what choice would I have had, but for both of us to lie to the priest and church because if they know you have been living with someone, they may choose not to marry you!!!!!!!

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I think most churches (and priests) understand that this is very common these days and althought they dont agree dont view it as the big taboo that we think they do.
A friend was living with her FI before they were married they told hte priest and he never even mentioned it. A few couples in my pre cana group are living together and it was asked about it precana (is anyone living together?) but that was it, no one made a big deal about it.

I think we all know how the church views it so WE make it a bigger thing than they do (in some cases of course there are exceptions) IMO

There are two ways around the situation:

Going thru Pre-Cana and then either getting married in the church before the wedding day. We were going to actually get married a few weeks before the actuall wedding day and only have the immidiate family or......
And still have another ceremony the day of your wedding at the hall for the rest of the family.

Go back to the church now that we've been married for several months and ask them to marry us because we want to have children and wish to raise them catholic.

At the end of all this........We decided we had a catholic priest bless our wedding and we were legally married according to New York State Law. Plus, I wanted my day to go smoothly and not deal with going back and forth with the chuch and limos. Everything would be at the same place.

Let us know what happens.....

I would have to say you should call the church first...Reason being, a friend of mine was married civilally in Vegas and is now having her big church wedding (parents don't know they are married) and one priest told them he would NOT allow them to be married in his church for the fact that they couldn't wait to get married for the big church wedding. Yet another priest was totally receptive of the idea and says he performs those types of ceremonies all the time.
My FIL's weren't married in the church and all their children have been baptized Catholic so I would say call around