Discussion about privacy and your FH.

---

Posted by CubanBride

---

Posted by Bunnymonkey
I think that you should try and examine the real reason you don't want him to know - not wanting to answer 20 questions does sound a little like an excuse.

---

You could be right, but I don't really know. Believe me, if I could explain to him how I am feeling, I would. But I can't and that is where the problem lies. I am hoping this therapist will help me verbalize what is going on with me. Then I can talk to FH.

---

Well, you must be feeling something to feel the need to go. Even if it's just saying, 'I feel sad,' or 'I have been feeling too stressed lately.' Chances are if you feel unlike yourself and you live with him, he has noticed a change as well, and would be supportive of you going to talk to someone about it. I just mean that he would probably appreciate you being open about it with him. I would be so hurt if FH kept that from me.

There are no secrets between us.

If I were in your position I think I'd want his support, but that's JMO - you know your situation the best and what ever you are comfortable with is how you should handle it.

I think you should make sure to consider how he will feel about it if he finds out about this after the fact, and how you would feel if roles were reversed. Let that guide you.

Best of luck. I hope you are ok.

---

Posted by patti08

There are no secrets between us.

I think you should make sure to consider how he will feel about it if he finds out about this after the fact, and how you would feel if roles were reversed. Let that guide you.

Best of luck. I hope you are ok.

---

i agree..in my past relationship secrets were kept and i was really hurt when i found out..its hard sometimes to tell everything but i would hate to feel like fh couldn't tell me something..good luck with your appointment and hopefully you will find a way to discuss what's bothering you with fh..

---

Posted by nov04LIbride
Well, you must be feeling something to feel the need to go. Even if it's just saying, 'I feel sad,' or 'I have been feeling too stressed lately.' Chances are if you feel unlike yourself and you live with him, he has noticed a change as well, and would be supportive of you going to talk to someone about it. I just mean that he would probably appreciate you being open about it with him. I would be so hurt if FH kept that from me.

---

Okay, I have to agree with this - you are obviously feeling something to feel the need to see a psychiatrist.
I tell my DH everything - he is my best friend, as I am sure your FH is yours, so I think it would be realistic to say that he would understand that you are going through something and while you cant express it properly now you will hopefully be able to enlighten him afterward. But I would definelty tell my DH if I was going to see a Dr. of any kind.

I agree and think you need to tell your FH you are going to this appointment. Let him know you just wanted to let him know and do not want to discuss it right now. I am sure he will understand that you are not ready to discuss the reasons behind it. But he has a right to know. I would be upset too if my FH didn't tell me if he was going.

Communication is such an important part of a relationship. You need to work on this now before you get married. You should be able to speak about everything openly with your partner.

I hope you get the help you need.

I would not keep something like that from my FH
i would want his support
i don't really keep anything from FH

as a FH, i would say its kinda a slap in the face in respect to that docter type ...

yes, i would understand and respect if you told me and didnt want to talk about it but hiding it is another thing

my fw tells me everything and even now, she is going though various dr's, i know all there names, numbers, etc cause in the event of an emergency, i know who to call and why.

to reflect on this topic more 'privacy' do you have strong commincation (sp) with him? if you can love and marry him, im sure you can talk to him imo.

---

Posted by MCDO15

as a FH, i would say its kinda a slap in the face in respect to that docter type ...

yes, i would understand and respect if you told me and didnt want to talk about it but hiding it is another thing

my fw tells me everything and even now, she is going though various dr's, i know all there names, numbers, etc cause in the event of an emergency, i know who to call and why.

to reflect on this topic more 'privacy' do you have strong commincation (sp) with him? if you can love and marry him, im sure you can talk to him imo.

---

Hi.

I can talk to fh, I am choosing not to. I just don't think there is a need to in this instance because there isn't much I cna say but he will want a lot more. He DOES NOT understand a need for me to keep some things private. We have very different backgrounds. I am an only child and am used to being alone and keeping things to myself. He is different. He wants to know where I am and what I am doing all the time. I am not the kind of person to tell everything. He wants to be with me all the time and there are times when I want to be alone. This is our biggest issue and we will have to work on when we go to premarital counseling.

But for now I need to get my own mind together and I won't be able to do that with the 20 questions. He will just get mad that I am not giving him more info and I don't wan't that. I will tell him about therapy later on, when I am clearer.

---

Posted by David'sbride

You do not need to tell him what goes on during your sessions but I seriously feel you need to tell him this. Firstly, I believe that if you have reservations about trusting him with this info then you need to ask yourself if you have the intimacy level necessary for a successful marriage. Second, if he truly loves you and supports you he should not be judgemental about what type of doctor you are seeing.

Thirdly, and most importantly, I would be deeply hurt if my fiancee was comfortable enough telling total strangers on a public message board something this privatebut not comfortable telling me.

---

I was thinking the same thing reading the post. IMO, I think it's a little odd that I know this information about you and your FH doesn't.

JMHO

Well, only you know how or what your FH would say or do in reaction to your going to a Dr. We can't be the judge of that - all we can tell you is our own experiences and what goes on in our own relationships, so really, in the end it is still your decision and I think you have already decided not to tell him.
I just wish you luck in clearing your head and finding out whats bothering you.

alright alright...

My issues are deep rooted. To be blunt, I have suffered from very very mild depression most of my life. The past year however, it's gotten so bad that I lose the ability to function normally. I am tired all the time and don't want to do anything. I cry at the drop of a hat and for no obvious reason. There are good days and bad days of course, but most of my days, including today, are bad.

I did not want to talk to FH about this. Not because I am ashamed or embarassed. I just wanted to keep it to myself. I have handled things on my own my entire life. My family, particularly my mom, are not supportive and are seemingly detrimental to my life. (I am sure you all remember the story of my mother not coming to my wedding.)

But, I guess you are all right. I should confide in him what I am feeling, even though I am not sure I can express myself properly. I will see how my appointment goes tonight and ask the doctors opinion on what would be my best course of action with talking to my FH about things. I mean, it's not his fault I'm crazy.

EDIT: I just realized the reason I didn't tell him. (funny, it came to me while I was in the bathroom.) I didn't want that part of me to be a poart of our relationship. I was hoping I could fix it and he would never notice the difference. But I am sure hew has already noticed. God I am a mess. So much baggage.

---

Posted by CubanBride

alright alright...

My issues are deep rooted. To be blunt, I have suffered from very very mild depression most of my life. The past year however, it's gotten so bad that I lose the ability to function normally. I am tired all the time and don't want to do anything. I cry at the drop of a hat and for no obvious reason. There are good days and bad days of course, but most of my days, including today, are bad.

I did not want to talk to FH about this. Not because I am ashamed or embarassed. I just wanted to keep it to myself. I have handled things on my own my entire life. My family, particularly my mom, are not supportive and are seemingly detrimental to my life. (I am sure you all remember the story of my mother not coming to my wedding.)

But, I guess you are all right. I should confide in him what I am feeling, even though I am not sure I can express myself properly. I will see how my appointment goes tonight and ask the doctors opinion on what would be my best course of action with talking to my FH about things. I mean, it's not his fault I'm crazy.

---

You're not crazy sweety-- I bet after you tell him, you will feel glad that you did. Life is tough- Hang in there.. It will all work out in the end.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatrist but if things are so serious that you need to see one then future husband might want to know....besides whne you are sad he may help to make you happy
JMO....he might be able to help you through hard times

i am sure FH knows something is up if you are moddy or very sensitive...you may be surprised...it will help
as everyone is saying you need to learn to communicate with FH for a succesful marraige and you seem like you are headed in the right direction
Good luck with everything
hope you get all the help you need