Discussion about privacy and your FH.

I went through something like that a few years ago. After around graduation time I experienced a little of what you mentioned and I know how much I did just want to keep it inside and get through it on my own.

I was also afraid of telling FH how I was feeling because I myself didn't understand it and I knew he would probably just think I was a freak!! I am glad that I told him everything from start to finish and he was there with me. He loves me more than anything in this world and having the support of one of my biggest fans on my side made things a lot easier.

Only you know your own relationship and ultimatly only you will live with whatever decision you make, regardless of what any of us say. I guess I am just thinking that with everything going on with you, wouldn't it be nice to have one more supporter?

Good luck and hope you feel better!

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Posted by CubanBride

alright alright...

My issues are deep rooted. To be blunt, I have suffered from very very mild depression most of my life. The past year however, it's gotten so bad that I lose the ability to function normally. I am tired all the time and don't want to do anything. I cry at the drop of a hat and for no obvious reason. There are good days and bad days of course, but most of my days, including today, are bad.

I did not want to talk to FH about this. Not because I am ashamed or embarassed. I just wanted to keep it to myself. I have handled things on my own my entire life. My family, particularly my mom, are not supportive and are seemingly detrimental to my life. (I am sure you all remember the story of my mother not coming to my wedding.)

But, I guess you are all right. I should confide in him what I am feeling, even though I am not sure I can express myself properly. I will see how my appointment goes tonight and ask the doctors opinion on what would be my best course of action with talking to my FH about things. I mean, it's not his fault I'm crazy.

EDIT: I just realized the reason I didn't tell him. (funny, it came to me while I was in the bathroom.) I didn't want that part of me to be a poart of our relationship. I was hoping I could fix it and he would never notice the difference. But I am sure hew has already noticed. God I am a mess. So much baggage.

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first of all, you are NOT crazy!!! the symptoms you are describing are classic symptoms of depression. and depression is a disease, just like diabetes or any other common condition... and so just like you would tell fh if you had diabetes (you couldn't hide your required eating habits from him forever...), i really think you should tell fh about feeling depressed. i can understand your not wanting this part of you to affect your relationship - but that is impossible, because right now from how you describe it, it seems to be affecting your life tremendously.

looking on the bright side - depression is treatable!!!! there are really effective medications for it that will make you feel like yourself again. combined with therapy, you CAN feel better!!!!

ok, i'll take off my psychiatrist hat now and go back to wedding planner
Please FM if you ever need to talk.

I met with the therapist last night and she suggested that I do not tell him about the therapy yet. So that ends that question.

well i hope the session helped you and maybe in time you will be able to discuss this with fh..good luck..

EDIT: I just realized the reason I didn't tell him. (funny, it came to me while I was in the bathroom.) I didn't want that part of me to be a poart of our relationship. I was hoping I could fix it and he would never notice the difference. But I am sure hew has already noticed. God I am a mess. So much baggage.

1. If it is part of you it is part of the relationship.

2. My FH's first marriage ended not because his wife was seeing a doctor and being treated for lifelong depression but in his words 'She was too immature to trust me to help her or even allow me to support her and her sneaking around eroded the trust'. She later admitted that she had these feelings for years, didn't know if she wanted to be married, have kids... etc. Of course she told him this after three years of marriage.

3. It is not your fault if you are going through this... I am not judging you for your feelings all I am saying is you have a lot on your plate right now. You also need to examine the dynamics of your relationship. If you are truly having trouble dealing with your own emotions how can you gauge your relationship with him.

I'm sorry but in my personal experience I have known 3 couples who went through this... two are divorced (after 4 years of counseling) and one is still trying to ride it out. Nearly all admit that if they were honest with one another from the beginning perhaps things could be different.

You are not a bad person but you just need to figure things out for yourself right now. You may even want to put the wedding on hold.

I tell him everything pertaining to medical issues. He's a part of my life & I wouldn't want something to happen to me and him not know what to tell a doctor because I never informed him.

I don't tell personal things about my friends though (unless it's like someone's getting a divorce or having a baby but that's not personal per se) because it's not his business.

But when it comes to me, it is his business.
And vice versa.

ETA: I saw your most recent post. I can understand how you feel about the 20 questions thing - that would drive me crazy too.

Anyway wahtever you're going for I hope everything turns out OK.

ETA again: You are NOT a mess. A mess is someone that has the feelings you do and does nothing about them. You realize you need some extra help - even just talking about it to someone who can be objective - and that is always a step in the right direction.

Feel better soon