My parents have been divorced for about a year or two. They were unhappily married for a long time before my dad ended up moving out and they got divorced. During this time (while they were unhappily married) my dad met a women and started seeing her. My mother found out and it's been a huge thing ever since...
They're still dating 2 years later. My Dad and his gf (a pretty nice lady who's also only a few years older than I am) have since moved in together... Its still a really big thing for my mom though (rightfully so). My mom and Dad's GF have never met.... My dad wants to bring her to the wedding and he's helping us pay for it.... my mother isn't.
What do I do? Anyone else in a similar situation? I don't want the first time they meet to be at my wedding and I do not want a scene at all. Can anyone say awkward???
KrisD72310
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Oh wow!! I would say your dad definitely has the right to bring his significant other with him but it will definitely be awkward. What does your mom say about this? Does she feel as though she can handle seeing this other woman, who's only a few years older than you??? I mean, I doubt your parents are going to start a scene at your wedding, right? I would talk to both of them about it beforehand.
bridezilla2b
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I think, maybe, you should talk to your father.
When it comes down to it the day should be about you and your FH, and this will cause tension.
This will go beyond just how you mother feels, her family will be there to ALSO see this other woman, and that is also going to be difficult for her on a different level.
It the end THEY are your parents .... they should share this day with you with drama ... I think your father should understand.
I am sure people are going to have different opinions, but I have a similar situation .... and it is REALLY hard!
Just my opinion
KrisD72310
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Well, I guess my next question would be though.....what do you want????
Do you want him to bring her and you're just worried about how your mom will feel? or Do you just not want her there at all?
I'm having issues with my divorced parents as well, it completely stinks!!!
MrsBlueRibbon
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Posted by bridezilla2b
I think, maybe, you should talk to your father.
When it comes down to it the day should be about you and your FH, and this will cause tension.
This will go beyond just how you mother feels, her family will be there to ALSO see this other woman, and that is also going to be difficult for her on a different level.
It the end THEY are your parents .... they should share this day with you with drama ... I think your father should understand.
I am sure people are going to have different opinions, but I have a similar situation .... and it is REALLY hard!
Just my opinion
ITA with this post! Talk to your father, this day should be about you and their should not be any drama about his gf. It would be different if she was his wife, then of course she would have to be there. Hopefully your father will understand and agree he should do what is right for you!
bridezilla2b
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Posted by KrisD72310
Well, I guess my next question would be though.....what do you want????
Do you want him to bring her and you're just worried about how your mom will feel? or Do you just not want her there at all?
I'm having issues with my divorced parents as well, it completely stinks!!!
I honestly think the girlfriend should NOT go ...
I feel it is unnapproriate, I understand that they are together, but as the other girl said, they are not married.
You don't want drama at your wedding, and since your mothers family will be there, it is going to be the pink elephant in the room the entire night. I know it will be difficult, but you have to speak with him.
I wish you all the luck! I know first hand how hard this is ....
My parents are still together, but my father wanted me to invite his 'girlfriend', and my illegitimate half brother as his friends ... like the whole world doesn't know they are .... I WOULD NEVER do that to my mother and it caused a fight with me and my dad, but in the end it was ultimately my decision.
MrsGRod09
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I would ask my mom if she is okay with meeting your dad's gf if she truly is okay with seeing her then yes i would invite your dad with his g/f
Ray8183
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Posted by GRod2Be
I would ask my mom if she is okay with meeting your dad's gf if she truly is okay with seeing her then yes i would invite your dad with his g/f
]I thinking the girlfriend should come. They are divorced and you still have almost a year to talk to your mom. Are you sitting them together? I do understand how you feel. My e-party is Sept 26 and my mother is meeting my dad family. They have not seen or talk to each other in over 35 years. So I understand drama. Stay strong you are not alone.
camerasweets
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Posted by KrisD72310
Well, I guess my next question would be though.....what do you want????
Do you want him to bring her and you're just worried about how your mom will feel? or Do you just not want her there at all?
I'm having issues with my divorced parents as well, it completely stinks!!!
I don't really care if she comes or doesn't come. I think she's a nice and all but Idon't have any true connection or feelings toward her. I just don't want to offend my dad or my mom but seems like it will happen either way.
camerasweets
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Thanks for your help. It's going to be hard because my dad's been putting his foot down lately wanting us to accept her. But the whole situation is weird.
dfw343
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
as a future step mother... I took the intiative and emailed my FH's x wife. I said we should meet. she was fine with it and to this day,we have an amicable relationship..esp for the kids.
but my situation is diff,,,she has moved on with another Man,,,and they were out of love for a long time (he and FH).
I HATE to say this but your Mom has to realize it is not this woman's fault. HOWEVER, I empathize on her feeling uncomfortable (being the step mom is worse in public, trust me).
you need to tell her she is you Mom and will always be..you love her..but this woman is important to your Dad and isn't going anywhere. And you love your Dad.
do not bring up he is paying..she may have no money and that would hurt her,,,just say you want both your parents there with no drama
i know this must not be easy, sorry
drivwal
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
Posted by dfw343
as a future step mother... I took the intiative and emailed my FH's x wife. I said we should meet. she was fine with it and to this day,we have an amicable relationship..esp for the kids.
but my situation is diff,,,she has moved on with another Man,,,and they were out of love for a long time (he and FH).
I HATE to say this but your Mom has to realize it is not this woman's fault. HOWEVER, I empathize on her feeling uncomfortable (being the step mom is worse in public, trust me).
you need to tell her she is you Mom and will always be..you love her..but this woman is important to your Dad and isn't going anywhere. And you love your Dad.
do not bring up he is paying..she may have no money and that would hurt her,,,just say you want both your parents there with no drama
i know this must not be easy, sorry
I agree. It sounds like such a sticky situation. So sorry you have to go through with it during your happy time.
irisheyes23
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I think the classy and sensitive thing for the girlfriend to do is to offer not to come. Your wedding day is not the place for your mom and she to meet. Unfortunately it won't just be your wedding where this will happen. If you have children, you will have birthday parties, christenings, graduations where the two of them will have to be together. I'm speaking from personal experience.
M_Berk-Glenn
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I have a similar situation...
My Dads gf met my mom at our engagement party.
I understand how my mom feels but they are bound to meet and be around one another.
If your dad gf can be respectful then so sould your mom. The day is abt you and if they cant keep it together for you then thats really SAD
They are both adults and should be able to act accordingly, even if they are uncomfortable
pjankowski
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I TA.. I can't relate to this but the bottom line is that EVERYONE involved is an adult. No one has to like each other but they do have to be there for you. I think the GF should be allowed to come. However, they don't have to like each other..they have tho be in the same room.
alli3131
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I personally think you Dad has the right to have his GF their and you mom should deal with the situation for the night. Its only one night or maybe 2 for the rehearsal too.
THey are adults and should act like it and suck it up for their daughters day.
CloudNine
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
i am going through a similar situation. my parents are legally seperated for about 2 years (not divorced) and my father is living with his gf in a new house. our most recent argument was whether or not his gf should be invited to my shower. my mom freaked out and said no and i told her yes.
it hurts my mom to have her around (they have met once or twice) but in the end, she is who my father is with now so she should be invited. you have to let you mom understand that you are not choosing the gf over her but that etiquette wise she should be rightfully invited. your father has been dating her for 2 years...how can you ask him to leave her home? think about if that was you and you and fh are dating for years and someone asks you to leave him home..especially a close family member..i'm sure you;d be offended. my mother finally understood my reasoning a little bit better when i made it known that the gf by far will feel way more uncomfortable than my mom could feel especially since family will be there to support her. i do highly suggest meeting before though. this can be very odd but at least it wil keep your mom more focused on you and nnot the gf the day of the wedding. my mom met my dads gf at my brothers house for a bday party....close quarters..not a lot of people there..TOTALLY AWKWARD lol
Lsorrent
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
My parents will be divorced for 6 years when my wedding comes around. Both of my parents have moved on and are dating other people, though I'm convinced my dad is still bitter.
BOTH of my parents are being invited with dates, and BOTH will be bringing dates. They can be civil with each other for a few days for their daughter's wedding. As a matter of fact, I'm even putting them all in the same limo together.
I've already told both of my parents, I don't care who is paying for the wedding, they're going to be civil and if they aren't, they're going home. They are going to be there to support me; their petty differences can be put aside for the day. It's not my fault they're divorced, so I shouldn't be suffering on my wedding day because of it.
I think your parents need to suck it up and be adults about it. I know it bothers your mom, but it sounds like their divorce ran a lot deeper than this other woman, and the problems were around before she was. They don't need to sit at the same table, you can have each of your parents host a table...that's what I'm doing. But they're adults and they should be able to bring a date with them their own daughter's wedding, and they should be able to be civil over it. And tell them if they can't, they can go home.
marinai7
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
I think that your dad should be able to bring his GF. I would just put them far away from each other at the wedding. I would also talk to your dad and mom separately about it and explain that you don't want there to be any drama. They should just be able to get along for 1 day. Good Luck!!!!!
DanielleMF
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Re: Divorced parents - dad's girlfriend....
FH's parents are have been divorced for 20 years and his father has had the same gf all these years -- the two women never meet. It is a very difficult situation for everyone but we can't tell either person cant attend. I know 20 years is a lot more then 2- but to my fmil it doesn't matter.
He told his mother that his fathers gf will be there and not to make a scene or she will be asked to leave- he is asking her to put it all aside for one day being that it is our wedding. After that she never has to see her again. She agreed and just doesn't want to be seated hear her----Completely understandable.
Maybe you can talk to your mom and see how she feels about it . it's not like your mom is being pushed out of the way for this person- but maybe she will be able to over loot it for your one day.
