Do I need to send a thank you card for this?

My grandmother (on my Dad's side) sent me a card for the wedding with a little religious card inside of it.

For the shower, she sent a check for $25. And, I sent her a nice thank you card and included photos from the shower.

I am pretty upset that she did not send a wedding gift (I think it's because I am not speaking to my father and she wanted me to call him up and get him to come to the wedding- which I did not do)

But, 2 of my aunts (her daughter's) did send gifts, so I wanted to send them thank-yous, with some photos and a favor.

but, if I do that, but not send anything to my grandmother, I think it may make her mad...

But, I don't think it's fair that I should have to send her a thank-you when she didn't even send me a gift in the first place...

thoughts?

If she's a grandmother then yes, I would send a thank you for being part of the special day and for her kind words....do you know for sure that she could afford something?
Even if she could, she's a grandmother and you'll be the better person for doing it...

I plan to send a thank you to all who came to my wedding, It's more of a thank you for coming, then just to those who gave the gifts...

ETS: I just realized it sounds like she wasn;t there...so maybe she didnt think to send a gift if she wasnt there? Some older people dont realize whats appropriate or not?

I plan to send a thank you to all who came to my wedding, It's more of a thank you for coming, then just to those who gave the gifts...

Agreed...it's your grandmother...send a card.

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Posted by dm24angel

If she's a grandmother then yes, I would send a thank you for being part of the special day and for her kind words....do you know for sure that she could afford something?
Even if she could, she's a grandmother and you'll be the better person for doing it...

I plan to send a thank you to all who came to my wedding, It's more of a thank you for coming, then just to those who gave the gifts...

ETS: I just realized it sounds like she wasn;t there...so maybe she didnt think to send a gift if she wasnt there? Some older people dont realize whats appropriate or not?

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She did not attend. And, she declined a week after the RSVP deadline

She didn't come to the shower either, but she sent a gift for that. So, that's why I think she was trying to be spiteful since I wouldn't call my father like she wanted me to...

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Posted by suven

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Posted by dm24angel

If she's a grandmother then yes, I would send a thank you for being part of the special day and for her kind words....do you know for sure that she could afford something?
Even if she could, she's a grandmother and you'll be the better person for doing it...

I plan to send a thank you to all who came to my wedding, It's more of a thank you for coming, then just to those who gave the gifts...

ETS: I just realized it sounds like she wasn;t there...so maybe she didnt think to send a gift if she wasnt there? Some older people dont realize whats appropriate or not?

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She did not attend. And, she declined a week after the RSVP deadline

She didn't come to the shower either, but she sent a gift for that. So, that's why I think she was trying to be spiteful since I wouldn't call my father like she wanted me to...

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I'll give you that she very may well have been trying to be spiteful but who cares...shes your grandmother and elderly...I think that changes it just a little....you dont have to be all mushy and nice...depending on your relationship with her, I would address a card appropriatly...just say Thank you for the card, your kind words meant a lot....if she WAS trying to be spiteful...then by sending the card , you didnt play into it and come out looking better...

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Posted by eogara

I wouldn't send a thank you card, I'd send a note card (either blank or 'thinking of you' or something) with a note saying you're sorry she couldn't be there, here are some pictures. I agree that it's nto really appropriate to send a thank you card for a card but I'd send her some pics or something so she felt like she was there.

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I would do the same

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Posted by Summer05

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Posted by eogara

I wouldn't send a thank you card, I'd send a note card (either blank or 'thinking of you' or something) with a note saying you're sorry she couldn't be there, here are some pictures. I agree that it's nto really appropriate to send a thank you card for a card but I'd send her some pics or something so she felt like she was there.

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I would do the same

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That's a good idea. I would send something, so that sounds like a good way of acknowledging her card.

DEFINITELY send a thank you. Be the gracious one.

'Thank you for coming ... thank you for the thoughtful card....' etc should suffice.

ETA - oops. just read she wasn't there....

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Posted by JLP

I would not send a card. Your grandmother has no right to punish you for not calling your father.

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How do you know she was punishing her? I read how the shower gift was only $25...to me it sounds like maybe she got not afford it..mixed in with a little spite...but unless you know for sure why hold a grudge against a grandmother?

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Posted by dm24angel

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Posted by JLP

I would not send a card. Your grandmother has no right to punish you for not calling your father.

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How do you know she was punishing her? I read how the shower gift was only $25...to me it sounds like maybe she got not afford it..mixed in with a little spite...but unless you know for sure why hold a grudge against a grandmother?

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I know my grandmother pretty well. She was definitely trying to punish me. She is pretty evil, which is probably why my father turned out to be so nasty.

My dilemma is this: I know that her goal was to make me feel bad- that's why she didn't send a gift. She even wrote me a letter right before the shower which was intended to make me feel guilty about not speaking to my father (I also have an older sister who hasn't spoken to any of them in 15 years) So, I feel like I've been beaten up by this family long enough and that's why I don't want to send the card...

On the other hand: I don't want her to be able to say, 'See, I always knew that Sue was no good. She didn't even send her grandmother a picture.'

It doesn't matter if it was $25 or $25000, it is still proper ettiquette to send a thank you note. By not sending it you are spiting your grandma because of your father and that is not right.

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Posted by MrsKinMay05

It doesn't matter if it was $25 or $25000, it is still proper ettiquette to send a thank you note. By not sending it you are spiting your grandma because of your father and that is not right.

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She sent $25 for the shower. I sent her a thank you, with photos for that.

She didn't send anything for the wedding - only a card