Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

Okay, so the background story is this:

I asked my FSIL to be my MOH. I have 2 reasons. Firstly, I wanted to bond with her since she is becoming my new sister. When FH and I got engaged, all she kept saying was how excited she was to have a sister. She has 2 kids whom I am really close to, so I knew this would be a long lasting relationship.
Secondly, my family is old school Roman Catholic Italians... and the MOH is also the godmother of the first born. Since I have a brother and FH has a sister, they would be the godparents of this first born... so I thought making FSIL my MOH would be really nice because it's keeping with the family tradition.

...Then I got to thinking... and my only female cousin is my bridesmaid. She & I grew up together. We spent every single holiday together as kids and have always been close (even though she drives me nuts sometimes, lol). So I thought, hey, FSIL is my maid of honor... so why not make my cousin my matron of honor?! So I spoke to my FSIL and explained to her the situation and informed her that I was going to ask my cousin to also be my MOH. My FSIL threw a HUGE baby fit over it and threatened to back out of her position as MOH and back down to BM. I should have taken the opportunity but instead I reassured her that it's not anything personal against her and it isn't some sort of competition... I just felt that my cousin deserves the honor, also. I went ahead and asked my cousin to be my MOH and she was very touched by the gesture.

Ever since that happened, FSIL has been acting wierd towards me. I decided not to let it bother me and keep it moving. When it came time to go dress shopping for the BMs, FSIL came along reluctantly. She has made it clear that there are better things she could be doing and it seemed like a chore. She was kind of rude to my other BMs and has been a black hole, sucking the fun out of it all.

One day, I called out from work and decided to go with my mom to a few stores to just browse at dresses. Eventually, I found the BM dress that works perfectly with my wedding dress and is flattering on my BMs. I was thinking of ordering it in teal. I sent out a FB message to all my BMs and MOHs to get their opinions. FSIL immediately called me up and was bashing the dress. She said teal is 'so 80s' and kept calling it very 'Miami Vice'. All of my friends said they liked the dress but she kept saying 'my friends are just lying to me and telling me what I want to hear'. I told her that I doubt that and I am working hard to make everyone happy. She said that I can't make everyone happy and tried talking me into taking a break from my wedding planning because it was stressing me out too much (WHICH IT WASN'T AT ALL! So, IDK where she came off saying that).

Anyways, I mulled over the dress for a week or 2 and decided she was right... I can't make everyone happy... and I love the dress... So I guess she is the one I am not making happy (lol). I decided to compromise, since she is my MOH, all the girls can order the dress in black. I asked the girls to order by 4/15. FSIL never responded to my emails/texts about ordering the dress. She texted me a couple of days ago about something unrelated and I figured, since I finally had her attention, to ask her if she knew when she was planning on ordering so I could go with her. She replied back 'No' and hasn't said anything to me since.

Before the dress debacle, she criticized everything I was planning. I originally wanted purple dresses and she would say things like 'We are all going to look like Barney'. I told her I wanted to go to ComiCon for my bachelorette party and she snuffed her nose at me and pretty much called me a dork. I told her that I liked a Taylor Swift song for the cake cutting and she replied with 'NO! ABSOLUTELY NO TAYLOR SWIFT OR KELLY CLARKSON AT YOUR WEDDING'. Like, who does she think she is?

I am so fed up with her. Every part of me wants to 'demote' her to BM but I am afraid this will cause a huge problem because she is a ton of drama and also my FSIL.
I pretty much have 3 questions.....

#1. Was it wrong of me to ask my cousin to also be a MOH months after asking her to be a BM... and having to MOHs?

#2. Is there a way to 'demote' FSIL without it exploding or should I suck it up?

#3. Am I just overreacting?

Thanks for reading this loooong rant and TIA for any advice!!!

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

1) I don't think you were wrong at all and I see nothing wrong with two mohs. Fh has three best friends. One of them just got married and he had three best men.

2) Unfortunately I don't think you're going to be able to do it without drama. But it is your wedding and if she is mot behaving like a moh than she shouldnt be one.

3) No you are not overreacting.

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

You already know my thoughts on all of this, but if you ever need to vent just let me know. We can always get coffee my dear :)

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

She sounds like a total Debbie Downer. It seems like your cousin might take her MOH duties more to heart, and you are not at all wrong for making her a Matron of Honor. My friend just got married and had a Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor, and one wasn't less recognized than the other.
I say leave it as it is just to avoid any future complications. You're totally not overreacting.
And by the way--you can play all of the Taylor Swift and Kelly Clarkson you want at your wedding ;)

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

she is probably jealous. i would flat out ask her what her problem is next time she pulls that crap
what does your FH say?

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

#1. It definitely was not wrong of you. and she has to deal with it now.

#2. not really, but I think you should do whatever you need to

#3. NOT AT ALL. I would have FH talk to his sister

Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

#1. Was it wrong of me to ask my cousin to also be a MOH months after asking her to be a BM... and having to MOHs?

No. Not wrong at all. In fact I'm sure your cousin was probably honored to get the 'upgrade' especially since the two of you have grown up together.

#2. Is there a way to 'demote' FSIL without it exploding or should I suck it up?

Unfortunately... I don't think there is a way. She sounds like she's full of drama and it just would not be a good idea unless you're ready for what sounds like could possibly be world war three.

#3. Am I just overreacting?

Nope. I think it was super sweet of you to ask your FSIL to be your MOH in the first place and it sounds like she's letting it go to her head.


What does FH think about it?

Re: Do I Suck It Up? (Long)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

#1. Was it wrong of me to ask my cousin to also be a MOH months after asking her to be a BM... and having to MOHs?

Not at all! I think it is a very sweet gesture and your cousin seems to be very honored. There are plenty of weddings where there is a maid of honor and a matron of honor. In your case you have 2 MOHs.

#2. Is there a way to 'demote' FSIL without it exploding or should I suck it up?

She is going to be drama no matter what. You should do whatever you feel is best for your peace of mind and enjoyment for your wedding and your future with your FH. If you haven't already you may want to let him know what's been going on with FSIL. Maybe he can talk to her??

If FSIL continues to be unresponsive you can put it back on her and say something like it seems like you're not really into this; I can't help but notice most of your feedback hasn't been positive. If you would rather not be in the wedding I would completely understand and would not take it personally. I know it's a big commitment of time and money and if you're not up to it anymore it's okay..... something to give her an out that hopefully she'll take or calm down. You may need to address her behavior either passive direct like this or some other way; this may be a foreshadow of things to come and you may want to set some boundaries

#3. Am I just overreacting?
Definitely not!