do u think this is out of line...

me & FH had a big fight last night. we ironed it out but i still need to vent. I am close to my FMIL & in the past has given me great advice about how to handle him. Do you think its out of line to seek her advice or vent. It is her son & feel bad complaining to her about him. But she does know him better than anybody.

Even though its ironed out, i really don't think its the last time its going to happen. In a nut shell his priorities are screwed up with regards to his friends. His mom knows the situation very well. One of his friends is a big 'user' & constantly takes advantage of people including my FH..

Should i seek my FMIL advice???

if you and your FMIL have that relationship, then why not. you could just as easily say the advice came from a girlfriend ya know? but you choose to seek help from your FMIL, its who you turn too. i personally think it's fine, as long as you don't let FH feel like the both of you are ganging up on him.
JMO

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Posted by shoegal68

me & FH had a big fight last night. we ironed it out but i still need to vent. I am close to my FMIL & in the past has given me great advice about how to handle him. Do you think its out of line to seek her advice or vent. It is her son & feel bad complaining to her about him. But she does know him better than anybody.

Even though its ironed out, i really don't think its the last time its going to happen. In a nut shell his priorities are screwed up with regards to his friends. His mom knows the situation very well. One of his friends is a big 'user' & constantly takes advantage of people including my FH..

Should i seek my FMIL advice???

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Its fine, I ALWAYS do...seriously i talk to her about everything when it comes to things like this, FH jokes around bc we mail eachother back and forth all day. I'll call her about things too, i dont see anything wrong with it.

Personally, I wouldn't. Although you two are close, that is her SON. I don't think it is a great idea to vent your frustrations with FH to her. I don't see it having any positive outcome.

JMO

There's nothing wrong with MIL giving you tips on how to handle your FH.
But I have to say it ends there with tips.

I think that although you mean well, you must remember that this is his mother and not yours. Yes she knows him the best, but when you let her get involved to that extent then there will come a time when boundaries....toes will be stepped on.

Trust me I come from a big family and we've dealt with a lot of in law drama. No matter how close you are remember that's his family not yours.

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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there's always 1 bad apple in the bunch, never fails

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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how does fh feel about going to his mom when you have problems

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Posted by kristi313

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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there's always 1 bad apple in the bunch, never fails

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that's true you won't like all his friends, you'll have to just accept it

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Posted by kristi313

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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there's always 1 bad apple in the bunch, never fails

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yeah sadly he considers him his 'best friend'

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Posted by sassygirl9

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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how does fh feel about going to his mom when you have problems

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to the best of my knowledge... he doesn't really vent too much to his parents... i think his friends. i just think his mom knows his better..

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Posted by yelley77

Personally, I wouldn't. Although you two are close, that is her SON. I don't think it is a great idea to vent your frustrations with FH to her. I don't see it having any positive outcome.

JMO

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09er crashing... I think it depends on the type of mother... My FMIL always always would talk to me about her son and how he treats her and express her frustrations with him so with her, I dont think she'd mind at all with me asking her for advice.... Other mothers may have that strong mother-son rel where if someone was to say anything bad about her son, shed blow up at the person... So I think it all depends on the type of rel they have

to be honest with you... i'm really not going to complain about him.. its more about the situation & how to handle.. I feel like a controlling B &*&* telling him what to do... and i am not... far from it.
everybody thinks i am so easy going.. i think i am


i am so confused... i would hate to make it an awkward situation for her

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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it depends on who she is, some girls say be careful what you say and its true but you know her and know what you can say...Honestly when i talk to FH's mom shes the one who will be like NOOOO dont take that, let him learn his lesson, and even when i say something like OH i feel bad bc he said this and it made me think, and she'll be like NO its what he says to manipulate the situation i know him and know that he does this lol...Shes just the type to be like they are my sons but i will never take their sides when they're wrong just bc of that, and she has ALWAYS been like that and FH always says how she never takes his side, she is the same way with FH's bro's gf. My situation is a bit different bc my FH has a condition(is that even the right word) so its a bit different bc she knows about this more than I do and how everyone else will handle a situation, you have to handle it different with someone who goes through what he does so i honestly needed alot of help understanding this and she was the one who really helped me, yes i couldve gone to others which i spoke to 2 close friends about but they dont know about this as much as she does.

I dont sit there and put him down, I'll just tell her what happened and how i feel about it but i never bad mouth or anyting like that, only bc i dont want to so not like i have to watch myself around her, i dont bad mouth him to my friends either i just say the situation as is.

And yeah go get coffee with her, theres nothing wrong be glad you two have a great relationship...FMIL and I went to a spa yesterday together and it was great and im glad we have that relationship, in the past with an ex i had the opposite situation and trust me its so much better this way

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by shoegal68

thanks... she really makes me feel better... i may ask her to go coffee tonight... my fh works nights..

i really have nothing to lose... feel like crap right now.

i feel soo mean & don't like using this word but i HATE this one friend... he always causes problems. & is such a user. for the life me i don't know why everybody kisses his butt !!

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it depends on who she is, some girls say be careful what you say and its true but you know her and know what you can say...Honestly when i talk to FH's mom shes the one who will be like NOOOO dont take that, let him learn his lesson, and even when i say something like OH i feel bad bc he said this and it made me think, and she'll be like NO its what he says to manipulate the situation i know him and know that he does this lol...Shes just the type to be like they are my sons but i will never take their sides when they're wrong just bc of that, and she has ALWAYS been like that and FH always says how she never takes his side, she is the same way with FH's bro's gf. My situation is a bit different bc my FH has a condition(is that even the right word) so its a bit different bc she knows about this more than I do and how everyone else will handle a situation, you have to handle it different with someone who goes through what he does so i honestly needed alot of help understanding this and she was the one who really helped me, yes i couldve gone to others which i spoke to 2 close friends about but they dont know about this as much as she does.

I dont sit there and put him down, I'll just tell her what happened and how i feel about it but i never bad mouth or anyting like that, only bc i dont want to so not like i have to watch myself around her, i dont bad mouth him to my friends either i just say the situation as is.

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Denise made a GREAT point, she said, 'I don't sit there adn put him down'. You have to be able to just talk to her about the situation, rather than, say, 'FH is ___________ and he does this ___________ on purpose, etc'