Do we ask too much as brides?

Removed due to lack of energy.

I hear ya. Its tough.

Between my wedding, I have three others, plus I was in one in October 08.

I have one pregnancy, 2 more possible pregnant BMs....its tough doing it all from all ends.

omg. I am going through the same thing right now!! I'm trying to coordinate all meeting on Saturday to go to RK Bridal and order our BM dresses.. So far there doens't seem to be anything bound to go wrong, but I have this bad feeling in my gut that someone isn't going to show up or somehow we're going to leave w/o having the dresses ordered.

Also, I sent an email asking who is doing hair and/or make-up the morning of because I have to tell my vendors how many girls to expect (fair, no?) ... um, yeah only my sister wrote back of 8 girls.

That's pretty much the only 2 things I've tried to reach out to them that would include them DOING something...

Then don't say 'YES' when I ask you to be in my bridal party!!

i havent really asked my bms to do anything except buy the dress..we we did a while ago..i told them they can do whatever with hair n makeup and shoes..i dont want little robots following me around..i want my friends and fam to be comfy and party all night..........now after saying that..they prob talking right now bout what a bridezilla i am

First of all, don't let them ruin your day (easier said than done).

Drastic hair color changes - well, maybe they can change it back to something normal before your wedding....how bad is the color?

As for the tats....OUCH! That is a bit rude if I do say so myself...they couldn't have waited? Is it anything maybe some make up can cover up?

As for dresses - where were they when you ordered them? Obviously they liked them then....since they've been ordered, they have no choice but to wear them huh?

Sorry if I come across harsh but yes, they did agree to be part of your day. And at some point they liked the dresses.....

I hope things work out... I have YET to get any of this drama from my BP but then I don't expect it from them....so I'd be shocked if I did.

Hang in there!!!

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Posted by CandB4604

omg. I am going through the same thing right now!! I'm trying to coordinate all meeting on Saturday to go to RK Bridal and order our BM dresses.. So far there doens't seem to be anything bound to go wrong, but I have this bad feeling in my gut that someone isn't going to show up or somehow we're going to leave w/o having the dresses ordered.

Also, I sent an email asking who is doing hair and/or make-up the morning of because I have to tell my vendors how many girls to expect (fair, no?) ... um, yeah only my sister wrote back of 8 girls.

That's pretty much the only 2 things I've tried to reach out to them that would include them DOING something...

Then don't say 'YES' when I ask you to be in my bridal party!!

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Posted by gina409

i havent really asked my bms to do anything except buy the dress..we we did a while ago..i told them they can do whatever with hair n makeup and shoes..i dont want little robots following me around..i want my friends and fam to be comfy and party all night..........now after saying that..they prob talking right now bout what a bridezilla i am

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I did the same with my BM and I still hear it from some of them.

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

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Posted by gina409

i havent really asked my bms to do anything except buy the dress..we we did a while ago..i told them they can do whatever with hair n makeup and shoes..i dont want little robots following me around..i want my friends and fam to be comfy and party all night..........now after saying that..they prob talking right now bout what a bridezilla i am

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I did the same with my BM and I still hear it from some of them.

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i know..sometimes i think bms get all excited when u ask them..but when it comes time to do stuff..all the sudden the tides change

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Posted by 9509Bride



Do we as brides, ask too much of our Bridal parties?

I was told by my My MOH that:


...'My life doesn't revolve around your wedding'

Would I be wrong if I said f**k all you b****hes I wont have a damn bridal party?

All I am asking for is the same respect and consideration I have shown. Of course their lives don't revolve around my wedding but they agreed to take part in my day, do I not have some say in certain things? What is too far with regards to requests made by brides to their BP's?



Just some issues I am dealing with:

drastic changes to hair color

multiple BM's deciding on getting random visible tatts with 6 months to go... ( FYI My stance on tatts and formal wear was made clear before they were asked to be in the wedding)

2 BM's deciding that with 6 months left to the wedding they don't feel comfortable in the dress I chose 5 months ago.

etc etc.....

I have been accommodating, open and considerate but at this point it may get ugly. 17 months of planning should culminate in my DREAM day and with under 6 months left, it is falling apart

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That's why I am only having my sister as my MOH and my entire BP. But honestly, I wouldn't care about the hair color or tattoo thing. The dress thing I would find annoying but then again I told my sister to pick any dress she wants as long as it is black.

But everyone is different and if you expressed all of this to them in the begining then they should go along with it or not have accepted your invitation to be a BM.

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Posted by gina409

i havent really asked my bms to do anything except buy the dress..we we did a while ago..i told them they can do whatever with hair n makeup and shoes..i dont want little robots following me around..i want my friends and fam to be comfy and party all night..........now after saying that..they prob talking right now bout what a bridezilla i am

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They had a say in picking the dress! I asked them for input and ideas and everyone said that they would wear what I wanted....My MOH and I picked it 5 months ago!!!!

the dress and shoes are reasonable

I am paying for makeup

they can wear the hair style of their choice

I only asked for 100.00 towards the shower ( I paid the deposit and will pay the diff) and planned the whole thing myself from invites to theme to games.

All they have to do is essentially show the hell up.

I just had the same conversation with my co-worker. I am only having 3 girls (my 2 sisters and FH's sister). I have been a BM many, many times (I think I lost count after 5) - each time I did whatever the bride said - no question, no independent thought.

I feel like I'm the only bride who has to deal with a BP telling me things like 'these are the shoes I'm wearing' 'I'm wearing this jewelry' Now I personally don't care what you wear on your feet, but could you please phrase it a little bit differently so I 'think' I have some say in this process?

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Posted by gina409

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Posted by IrishBrideASmiling

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Posted by gina409

i havent really asked my bms to do anything except buy the dress..we we did a while ago..i told them they can do whatever with hair n makeup and shoes..i dont want little robots following me around..i want my friends and fam to be comfy and party all night..........now after saying that..they prob talking right now bout what a bridezilla i am

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I did the same with my BM and I still hear it from some of them.

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i know..sometimes i think bms get all excited when u ask them..but when it comes time to do stuff..all the sudden the tides change

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I KNOW!!!!! No one ever seems to say no to being a bridesmaid but they sure are mighty quick to say no to help out....like they're suppose to

I had my bridal shower like 2 weeks ago...and if it weren't for my future sister in law...it would have never happend. AND some of my bridesmaids didn't even get me anything AT ALL for my shower. WTH. And you're supposed to be my bridesmaid? Psshh...thanks for the big help.

I can agree with some things BUT as for the tattoos. You can't really argue with that- I don't have any but do have friends that have them. My FSIL has a few visible ones. It's who she is and I can't take it away from her and / or really have a say in what she does.

I feel some of your pain! and Part of my BP is family.

One of MOH has 15 tats.. thats right and the bulk are on her back!!! I heard thru the grapevine she just got another one and is scared to tell me!

I think as long as you know that your not being bridezilla ish about stuff- dont stress!!!

In the end it will work out and most importantly its your day!

Honestly, I haven't asked my BMs to do anything expect order their dresses. I know they'll help throw my shower and they will plan my bachelorette party. But other than that, I don't expect them to do much besides show up and help zip me up! It's our wedding, so FH and I have done whatever needs doing.

As for the tattoos, hair, etc - well, all I can say is it's their body. Your girls have the right to get tattoos and color their hair anyway they would like. If you are really uncomfortable with it, then you need to reconsider having them in your wedding. But it's not like they are putting tattoos on you.

Maybe it's just me, but I try to be really easygoing about this stuff. It's not worth ruining a friendship over my friend's hair color. Maybe you could try to take the same approach?

I have to give my opinion...

I think the only thing that you can be mad at is that they are changing their minds on the dress that they picked with little time before the wedding...

the hair color and tats is really their choice take them or leave them...I would be really offended if my friend got mad at me for my hair color choice or visible tats..... we take our friends as they are and if they want to ink themselves up or change their hair that is a part of them. I would be offended.

JMHO I think you are asking too much asking them to wait to get tats and or change their hair color...if it is that much of an issue ask them to not be in your wedding but be prepared to hurt a friendship....in the end try to keep in mind there are much bigger things in life to stress about then hair color and tats.

Some people will be dealing with family illnesses, parents not being able to see them get married, financial strain.....be lucky if none of that touches you and just let things go. As much as we want everything perfect, no matter what people look like, the weather, etc etc your day will be great no matter what because you are marrying the man of your dreams... let everything else go.

the fact that they are debating the dress now after so much time is unacceptable- i agree with you on that one. that's annoying.

i am going to give my honest opinion as well... if i was in your BP i would be angry at the fact that you are dictating what my hair color needs to be and whether or not i decide to get a new tattoo. that's definitely unreasonable. like someone else on this post stated- it's not worth losing your friends over your BP. Take a step back and see how you would feel if these demands were placed on you... just giving my honest opinion! truthfully, we decided no bridal party because it can be too much on people! good luck and i hope it works out!

I feel the same way.

At this point, I wish I just had my sister and my long time bestfriend.

6 girls is just too many. My poor sister has being dealing with everyones shioot. I feel bad and just want to tell some of them off for picking on my lil sister! grrrrr

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Posted by Deeglasser

the fact that they are debating the dress now after so much time is unacceptable- i agree with you on that one. that's annoying.

i am going to give my honest opinion as well... if i was in your BP i would be angry at the fact that you are dictating what my hair color needs to be and whether or not i decide to get a new tattoo. that's definitely unreasonable. like someone else on this post stated- it's not worth losing your friends over your BP. Take a step back and see how you would feel if these demands were placed on you... just giving my honest opinion! truthfully, we decided no bridal party because it can be too much on people! good luck and i hope it works out!

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ITA!