Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

Original post by julybride444

May 19, 2003 09:29 PM

I've been on boards before, and felt totally out of place (not like here-thanks liweddings!).

Part of it I think is geography, there I'd be interacting with girls having weddings down south or even places like Maryland, and it felt like their weddings were totally different.

Even my family who is only 7 hours away (upstate) thinks some of the things we're doing are nuts (they don't usually have open bar for more than the cocktail hour, and everybody puts the menu items in the invite and people have to choose in advance!). We have friends coming from Texas who don't feel comfortable giving cash, they just don't do that down there. Thankfully we registered for our honeymoon:) (not that the gift is important of course)

Has anyone else had this experience? What other things are done differently elsewhere? Are there any other boards besides here with a lot of NYC/LI brides?

Karen H Posted: May 20, 2003 08:50 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

The biggest difference I've noticed is that in NY everyone gives checks whereas I'm used to everyone giving items from the registry, having grown up in Michigan. The other big difference is the ridiculously overblown cocktail hour food that leaves you so stuffed you don't want a meal. Until NY, I'd always seen passed trays and perhaps a small table of true appetizers.

However, I've been to weddings in Michigan and Arizona that easily stand up to the classy elegance of a NY wedding. They were generally held at the country club the family belonged to, and the food, flowers and band were as good or better than anything I've been to here. Open bar was standard and the term 'top shelf' never came into play - it was a given. My brother's wedding in AZ was at the country club where the food is awesome, they had a live band, and paid half what DH and I had to pay for NY wedding with a DJ.

That said, I don't think you have to have a fancy location, expensive flowers from the florist, or expensive catering to have a great wedding. I attended 2 great weddings in VT - one was in my cousin's yard under a tent, with local caterers and dancing in the barn - the other was at the local Grange Hall and the close friends and families provided hot and cold dishes and it was one of the best buffets I've had in ages - lots of great home-cooked recipes. The flowers were beautiful summer blooms in canning jars decorated with lace and ribbon - the bride's sister had gathered them from the yards of friends and family.

julybride444 Posted: May 20, 2003 08:56 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

The Vermont wedding sounds beautiful!! I don't think NY weddings are necessarily 'better', but I do think that they are unique. I'm really curious about weddings in diff. regions. I'd never realized that even within the US there are really diff. standards, expectations, and styles by region!

mengiebride Posted: May 20, 2003 09:06 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

When did this all start? I realize there are differences throughout the country as in accents, food, traditions but when did the wedding differences start to form?

My one wacky wedding story - I went to a wedding in New Jersey - not too far from New York and there was no dancing or drinking.

BriBri529 Posted: May 20, 2003 09:11 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

I find it so funny that my colleagues and I were just discussing this yesterday! Yes, NYers do weddings very differently than most states. We really seem to go way out, more so than people do elsewhere. The way I look at it is why not- you are only supposed to tie the knot once, so why not go all out-right? I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter where you are from, do whatever you want to do to make your once in a lifetime day memorable- go all out if that's what will truly make you happy

julybride444 Posted: May 21, 2003 02:54 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

I love all these stories!

Stef28 Posted: May 21, 2003 03:10 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

Oh yes, I agree. At my wedding my husband's family was loading up on food at the cocktail hour until one of my SILs heard there was a full course dinner afterwards. She ran over to tell the family to stop eating -- there's a full dinner next. No one believed her!

Most of my friends/family that live in other states (especially down South), have more like a cocktail wedding. Just hors de vours. Many times it's not an open bar or no alchohol at all.

My friend - who is pretty classy -- her wedding reception was in an old home -- the local 'garden club'-- which was pretty -- but way to small and the food was a few plates of hors de vours on a dining room table and friends pouring soda and punch. The food was chicken scewers, chips and dip -- stuff like that. I couldn't believe it. It was more her parents doing then hers -- they just have more modest weddings. After that we all went out to dinner b/c we were starving!

Personally I think it's way over done in NY - but I couldn't have imagined not doing it the NY way.

bride2be2004 Posted: May 21, 2003 05:13 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

that is so true. just from reading other posts on other sites, the biggest difference is $$$. everything here is so much more expensive.

dgtlsunshine Posted: May 21, 2003 05:28 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

I have been to weddings in different areas and I saw the same elegance. I think it just depends on the person. Then again now that I think of it most of these people were originally from New York. I guess they had NY still in them. $$$$$$ is definately a big difference though.

People thought we were rich. I was like please. Far from. My coworker mouth dropped when I told her my wedding was pretty average to say the least for a New York wedding.

Imagin916 Posted: May 21, 2003 05:30 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

This is a funny topic, because my FH lives in PA (as well as my future in-laws), and I often have this conversation with my family. When we were first planning the wedding, FIL's told him that they werent paying for open bar past the cocktail hour. I had to get FH to explain that its included and not extra. When I told my mother, she was like what do they do in PA, 'OK, Last call at the bar!'. They also put the food choices on the invite there, and when his sister asked when we select the food, she was like 'How do they know how much food to have on hand if they are not pre-ordering?'. These are the reasons why we are getting married in NY and NOT in PA. I cant wait till his relatives and friends see how this wedding is, and especially given the fact that BM is getting married the month after us in PA, and all of the same friends will be there. They are going to think we are rich! (Yeah right)

Valerie

cynthia Posted: May 21, 2003 05:44 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

JULYBRIDE444 - Great thread...I love the stories, too!
Now, along the same topic...I am planning my LI wedding from Upstate and I feel like whenever I talk about my wedding (menu, special touches I would like to do, etc) people just roll their eyes and talk about me behind my back!
And say stuff like, 'Oh, you shoulda had it here, it would have been cheaper!' Even the FIL's say they are going to get out the red carpet and tiara's for this event...it kinda hurts my feelings, like I don't want to talk about it. They think it's going to be this 'all out' event, but in reality, that's just the way weddings are here on LI!
AGGG! What to do????

endlessluv429 Posted: May 21, 2003 06:21 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

this is so funny, we went to a wedding in PA This past weekend---my best friend from childhood got married. It was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was in the church gym, which they made look really nice for a gym--my parents did the MCing lol which was funny, they (bride & groom) are ultra conservative so there was no alochol and no dancing. everyone gave gifts except those of us who came from LI lol BUT @ the end of the day, they were just as married as I will be and they saved about $20,000 lol they were going to have it @ a really nice place, but they just couldn't swing it financially, so they opted for the church.....

Then again, I went to my cousin's wedding in CT this past October and they had it @ a hall which was very nice. The only thing different was that they didn't send picture thank you's! They like never heard of them! LOL so i guess it all depends!

julybride444 Posted: May 21, 2003 09:21 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

Cynthia! I'm from just South of Rochester, I went to UofR! That's so funny....that's just like my family. My mom even got upset that we are going to have arrival bags for hotel guests! P.S. we're paying for our own wedding.

But, then again, they couldn't believe Brooklyn rents either!

DaniRN Posted: May 21, 2003 09:43 PM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

Lol, I went to college by Rochester (Brockport) and still have some friends that live their and they can't believe how much I am putting into my wedding (and I thought I was being conservative!!!).

cynthia Posted: May 22, 2003 06:35 AM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

Julybride444 - isn't it crazy??? That is funny (funny/ cute!) about your Mom! So I decided I am not going to tell them stuff, just wait until the day of and let everyone be surprised! And I am sick of 'rich' comments...my Dad was a Suffolk cop and my mom was a nurse...and like you, John and I are paying for 3/4's of the wedding!!! (Hence a 2nd job at Scott Miller!)
And as far as the rent...I KNOW! Maybe we can buy a house (a nice house) here for $150k. But either way, I miss LI.

xjulietx Posted: May 22, 2003 09:08 AM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

One of my friends is moving (today!) back to Rochester area (Batavia) and getting married at the Strong-Todd House in July. She can't believe how much my wedding will be compared to what she is spending. She thinks Long Islanders are crazy

MichaelsGirl Posted: May 23, 2003 04:14 AM

Re: Do you feel like NY weddings are totally diff. than elsewhere?

I think NY weddings are way more expensive and extravagent! It seems like it has gotten worse over the years. And everyone spends lots of money trying to make their wedding DIFFERENT!!!! I am guilty of this though, cause i want it to be a wedding that all of my guests will never forget...