Do you find that your wedding has put a strain on your relationship with friends?

My MOH hately has made me a little annoyed. We originally decided silver shoes with the dress, but when one of my BMs went for her fitting, the lady at the shop suggested black. Black actually looked better with the BM dresses. Everyone was willing to change. My MOH has a different color dress and when I first told her, she said she could get black if necessary. At the fitting she was very rude and acted so mad that I thought black was better. She said she didn't have any black shoes, and then went and wore black the next day to my bachelorette party So she finally said black was okay at the fitting. I think she was just playing nice. So last night she IMs me and says she tried to find black shoes and she can't find any and has spent so much money already. Can she wear her silver ones? I don't care any more, so I said fine. I don't want to fight. But I didn't think it was that big of a request.

Then at my bachelorette party a few weeks ago she yelled at me in the bathroom of the club because I told her I didn't want her driving home drunk. She's like ' You know, you're really pissing me off! If I say something you need to trust me on it.' She has control issues. But it hurt to be yelled at during my bachelorette party. Even the bathroom attendant felt bad for me.

I don't know, I've tried to be SO accomodating, and now with the wedding so close, I need my MOH to be supportive, not wrapped up in shoes. I know she's having a hard time with her ex, but I feel like she can't be happy for me fully. It's times like this when I really really wish I had a sister.

I know how you feel, i'm sisterless too and wedding planning has put a strain on my friendships...I already lost one 'good' friend during this whole process.
This is how i look at it, not everyone is going to be happy for you 24/7 and you have to expect that...my MOH is also busy planning her own wedding so I'm really trying to be as laid back as possible...she has been super supportive, but when she's not around I lean on my FH. I don't have the strength to deal with talking to others and then have it backfire later on.
I think it was extremely rude for your MOH to yell at you in a public bathroom! i would have been super pi$$ed if someone did that to me.
Are your girls wearing tea length dresses or floor length? My Bm's are wearing floor length and i told them i don't care what their shoes look like, as long as they match the color of the dress! who's going to see their shoes...its a small thing that i'm not going to stress over.
Both of you need some chill time and try to talk to her...hopefully you will both realize that its just stress and will be able to move past it!

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

My MOH hately has made me a little annoyed. We originally decided silver shoes with the dress, but when one of my BMs went for her fitting, the lady at the shop suggested black. Black actually looked better with the BM dresses. Everyone was willing to change. My MOH has a different color dress and when I first told her, she said she could get black if necessary. At the fitting she was very rude and acted so mad that I thought black was better. She said she didn't have any black shoes, and then went and wore black the next day to my bachelorette party So she finally said black was okay at the fitting. I think she was just playing nice. So last night she IMs me and says she tried to find black shoes and she can't find any and has spent so much money already. Can she wear her silver ones? I don't care any more, so I said fine. I don't want to fight. But I didn't think it was that big of a request.

Then at my bachelorette party a few weeks ago she yelled at me in the bathroom of the club because I told her I didn't want her driving home drunk. She's like ' You know, you're really pissing me off! If I say something you need to trust me on it.' She has control issues. But it hurt to be yelled at during my bachelorette party. Even the bathroom attendant felt bad for me.

I don't know, I've tried to be SO accomodating, and now with the wedding so close, I need my MOH to be supportive, not wrapped up in shoes. I know she's having a hard time with her ex, but I feel like she can't be happy for me fully. It's times like this when I really really wish I had a sister.

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hopefully you guys can work through this. you are stressed enough with your wedding comming up that you dont need this added stress. yes she is stressed too because of her ex. hopefully she can snap out of this funk or whatever she is in. i hate to see friendships go through this because of weddings. for you!

an added note who doesnt have a pair of black shoes!!!!!

Yes, I have definitely found that wedding planning has put a strain on one of my friendships. I just found out that one of my best friends (and a BM) is very angry at me, although she can't put into words why. I have also been very frustrated with her because of all of my girls (I have 7) she is the least responsive when it comes to me asking questions. Like I know you have been doing for your girls, I've been trying to make being a BM in my wedding a stress free, fun, and affordable process. Sometimes I think people have issues in their own lives going on that unfortunately the take out at the expense of someone else's happiness.

Don't let it get you down! You are getting married so soon to the man of your dreams!!!!!!!!

Not a strain persay- BUT I do realize that my wedding is not top priority for some people- actually nowhere near it- and I do understand that the world does not revolve me or my wedding- BUT they were asked and accepted being in my wedding- but I am not sure if everyone (not all) knew what was actually expected- so its more that I am getting stressed out when I feel they should be making it easier - oh well!

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Posted by july06bride

Not a strain persay- BUT I do realize that my wedding is not top priority for some people- actually nowhere near it- and I do understand that the world does not revolve me or my wedding- BUT they were asked and accepted being in my wedding- but I am not sure if everyone (not all) knew what was actually expected- so its more that I am getting stressed out when I feel they should be making it easier - oh well!

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I see what you're saying, but I really feel like my requests were not all that bad.


1. Please wear black shoes
2. Please don't drive home drunk

It's really the second one that hurt me, that she got mad at me for caring. But the first one pisses me off a bit because everyone has black shoes.

Only one of my BMs - she is no help, doesnt respond to my emails, makes everything more difficult, won't give me answers. Pretty much I realized she is totally self involved and doesn't really care that her antics cause stress in my already stressed life. I'm just fed up with it. Doesn't help we are both in a friend's wedding and she doesn't help at all and she is the MOH and I am just a BM

ETA: And I don't even care if she doesn't help, but she actually makes things MORE difficult for me. I can't do my programs because of an issue with her that I am hoping gets resolved soon

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

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Posted by july06bride

Not a strain persay- BUT I do realize that my wedding is not top priority for some people- actually nowhere near it- and I do understand that the world does not revolve me or my wedding- BUT they were asked and accepted being in my wedding- but I am not sure if everyone (not all) knew what was actually expected- so its more that I am getting stressed out when I feel they should be making it easier - oh well!

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I see what you're saying, but I really feel like my requests were not all that bad.


1. Please wear black shoes
2. Please don't drive home drunk

It's really the second one that hurt me, that she got mad at me for caring. But the first one pisses me off a bit because everyone has black shoes.

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Oh I completely agree- you didnt ask for anything outlandish! You are right!

your def not a horrible friend...I dont' think telling your friend not to drive home drunk is a horrible thing...its exactly the opposite
and the since the dresses are tea length, they should def wear shoes that go with the dress...if its black then so be it, she really needs an attitude adjustment!

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Posted by SoontobeMrsR72806

your def not a horrible friend...I dont' think telling your friend not to drive home drunk is a horrible thing...its exactly the opposite
and the since the dresses are tea length, they should def wear shoes that go with the dress...if its black then so be it, she really needs an attitude adjustment!

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yeah but its too late. I told her silver was okay. I just don't want to fight anymore

I don't blame you...and you know what, its only shoes...and no one will be looking at her feet, they will be looking at you!

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

I think the bathroom thing hurts me more because oh I'm such a horrible friend, not wanting her to drive home drunk. You know what I mean?

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Beth, I know you are hurt and upset that she yelled at you in the bathroom, and I can't say that I would feel any different - but try to remember she was DRUNK!! That was why you were having the converstation in the first place.

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Posted by October Bliss

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

I think the bathroom thing hurts me more because oh I'm such a horrible friend, not wanting her to drive home drunk. You know what I mean?

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Beth, I know you are hurt and upset that she yelled at you in the bathroom, and I can't say that I would feel any different - but try to remember she was DRUNK!! That was why you were having the converstation in the first place.

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No, you're absolutely right. I just think it's a combination of things she's done that is making me a little annoyed.

It's unfortunate that at such a happy time, you have to feel this way..but I agree with what others are saying. Not everyone is going to share the joy that you are feeling. The most important thing to remember here is that you and her are friends..and that she be there for you. Maybe you should try talking to her and letting her know how she has made you feel and get it all out in the open. Sometimes people are oblivious to how they make people feel, by their actions and what they say. I'm sure everything will be fine.

I wouldn't say it has put a strain on my relationships, but it's hard to realize that not everyone is as excited about your wedding as you are. I mean, my friends always ask how everything is going, but I am pretty sure they would like a quick 'oh it's going great' and then move on. I know they are happy for me and would do anything for me, but I am very lucky to have found LIW so I still have friends who actually ask about wedding plans when I see them

I understand why you are upset though. It sounds like your MOH is stressed out and is taking it out on you in inappropriate ways. I would let it go and see if she comes around on her own

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Posted by mcb916

I wouldn't say it has put a strain on my relationships, but it's hard to realize that not everyone is as excited about your wedding as you are. I mean, my friends always ask how everything is going, but I am pretty sure they would like a quick 'oh it's going great' and then move on. I know they are happy for me and would do anything for me, but I am very lucky to have found LIW so I still have friends who actually ask about wedding plans when I see them

I understand why you are upset though. It sounds like your MOH is stressed out and is taking it out on you in inappropriate ways. I would let it go and see if she comes around on her own

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I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

I had to hunt them down to get their dress measurements but, other than that, things have been ok.

I think my wedding made me see who really loves us and who could care less. My DH's sister won the award for 'WORST BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR'.

1. She wouldn't get measured because Davids Bridal is in Yonkers and that is beneath her. So she called in her measurements and they ordered her what they thought would fit. I had to pick it up and drive it to her in the city.

2. For my shower, my BM's and my Mom did everything. But my one BM didn't call, didn't assist financially and didn't send a gift until 3 weeks after the fact. She is a millionaire, but now we see money doesn't buy class.

3. She didn't come to my bachelorette party because she didn't feel like it (all we did was have a coed dinner party at my house).

4. All I asked for the wedding was that the girls wear their hair up, no particular style. I even asked that we could all go together and have breakfast (my treat). She wouldn't come to the Bronx, beneath her. She shows up in a ponytail, telling us how some famous hairstylist came to her house to do her hair. Ummmm, you paid for that??

5. And finally, leaves our wedding, 1 1/2 into the reception, trying to sneak out and me and DH catch her, since we were outside taking pics.

And we haven't heard from her since.....Some sister, huh?