Brides Helping Brides ™ - Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

jenlen Posted: Sep 28, 2007 11:43 PM

Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I've had several of my friends decide to do destination wedding recently...and I feel so bad because I can never attend them.

One of my really close childhood friends is doing a cruise to bermuda, which I had to decline. She was okay with that since she's doing a really big reception back here afterwards (which I am attending).

Then another good friend is doing it in Hawaii (she's originally from Hawaii, so for her, it's cheaper because her parents still live there, so she can stay with them). But hawaii's not exactly a weekend trip and airfare alone would cost at least 1K for FH and I. She kind of got upset when I told her I may not be able to attend her wedding in Hawaii...

And normally, how far in advance is she supposed to tell her guests about the wedding and the plans? She just got engaged last month and chose May 2008 as her wedding date. But nothing is set yet...no reception hall, no hotel block...so it makes it kind of hard to plan.

They sound like so much fun, but they are so $$$$. I also feel bad taking a week off at a time so soon after I started my job.

PreshusSmurf Posted: Sep 28, 2007 11:47 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I haven't been invited to a destination wedding, but I do hear of a lot of people having them more and more .... Honestly I feel like the only people they are less expensive for is the and

Its so for all the guests!!!!!!!!!

Brian and Marie Posted: Sep 28, 2007 11:51 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I'm in that pickle right now. My husbands good friend/boss is getting married in Aruba in May. We responded 'yes' but are now reconsidering b'c of our financial situation. We still owe my parents quite a few thousand from the wedding, and we're hoping to buy a house within the year so we can start a family. It's tough, we wanna go but I think we need to prioritize.

portjeffbride Posted: Sep 29, 2007 12:03 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I hate to say this, but I really find it presumptuous for a couple to ask everyone to go to a destination wedding. Most people save $ and vacation days for quite a while to go on a vacation..... and attending one of these weddings is like losing your choice of vacation destinations and vacation activities.

It would be totally fine with the destination wedding concept if many people weren't in your situation and feel guilty for not being able to spend a few grand or take several days off to go to the wedding.....
JMO.....

beachbum05 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 12:38 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

Posted by portjeffbride

I hate to say this, but I really find it presumptuous for a couple to ask everyone to go to a destination wedding. Most people save $ and vacation days for quite a while to go on a vacation..... and attending one of these weddings is like losing your choice of vacation destinations and vacation activities.

It would be totally fine with the destination wedding concept if many people weren't in your situation and feel guilty for not being able to spend a few grand or take several days off to go to the wedding.....
JMO.....

But I know for us (we almost did a destination wedding) we thought it was a great way to keep the wedding small. we didn't WANT people to come - just our immediate family and a few friends - if they could - but no pressure!

I know if I had a DW I would NEVER 'expect' people to go. Jen, I cant believe your friend would be mad....she can't expect ppl to drop that kind of cashola especially since you're planning your own wedding!

drpepper318 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 07:39 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I probably wouldn't attend a destination wedding unless I was very close with the couple getting married. It would just be too expensive for me. Plus getting time off from work to travel would be tough. I've never been invited to a destination wedding yet. I think by having one, they must understand that many people won't be able to make it.

thelastresort Posted: Sep 29, 2007 08:50 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I think if you are planning a DW, you can not expect people to attend, especially someplace like Hawaii...it's not like the jersey shore now! That's ridiculous.

And I totally agree with portjeffbride. I think people who plan on going will make a vacation out of it (especially for the trek to Hawaii! You would have to take off at least 10 days...that certainly isn't a weekend getaway!) and maybe that isn't their vacation choice for the year or maybe they can't afford it.

We had considered a DW and our attitude was if you can make it, great, if not, that's okay. IMO, if there is an expectation, you better move that wedding to a drivable locale.

Snickers76 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 08:58 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I am really hoping that my friend gets married in the Bahamas, because I want an excuse to go. Other than that, I would have to decline all cruises (I get seasick) and I just would not be able to afford Hawaii.

DH was asked to be in a wedding party last year for a d. wedding in VAil Colorado. He had to decline and told his buddy 'Being in your wedding would cost more than my entire wedding budget.' Looking at their STD (which was a booklet with choices for accommodations and an itinerary for the 5 day event) made me feels so poor.

Espo22 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 10:16 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

WOW i can't believe she got mad at you for not going to hawaii. I mean if the couple wants a destination wedding then thats great for them but before deciding on this they need to realize by doing so not everybody you want to come might be able to make it and have to be understanding of that. If its going to bother her that guests she invites dont come then she should've thought about this alot more. On top of that, its in hawaii, not the cheapest place. There are some islands where you can probably get a great deal and not spend alot but even that is alot to pay to attend a wedding...But to spend a couple thousand dollars to attend a wedding is crazy, you said airfare alone is 1k, then to pay for hotel and going out to eat and who knows what else. I think you need to explain to her that not everybody can just shell out thousands of dollars JUST to attend someones wedding, especially since you're getting married in a few short months and are on a budget right now.

Winter07 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 10:57 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

One of my good friends is getting married in Disney, and even though its not as expensive as Hawaii, I still cant afford it while im trying to pay for my own wedding... She got a little upset with me also. I explained to her that I honestly would love to be there but cant afford for airfare and a hotel. She is a little less upset, but I think if people want to have a destination wedding, that is awesome, but they also have to understand that some people just cant afford it

hyphenbride Posted: Sep 29, 2007 11:05 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

My FH and I have turned down one destination wedding...well, more like he turned it down because the bride was rude enough to invite him and not me (it was his exgirlfriend....still weird though!).

We know for a fact that one of his friends will be getting married in India (he's Indian and that's where his family lives and his older brother got married). This friend is currently single, but we are already saving up! However, this is a VERY close friend of FH and we both would love to have an excuse to go to India!

That said, it would have to be a very close friend or family member and probably someplace where we would want to visit anyway in order to go to a destination wedding. People having them should definitely understand that people might not want to or be able to travel!

tmarie Posted: Sep 29, 2007 11:09 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

Don't feel bad for not going. When people make the decision to do destination weddings they know people will not go. First off, if they are doing a destination wedding because they want to do something different that is fine. But if they are doing it because of financial constraints it is unfair to put it on other instead. Hawaii? Come on..that is insane. Don't feel guilty.

TlovesD Posted: Sep 29, 2007 11:15 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I'm having a destination wedding and I'm inviting only my close family and very very close friends. I'm getting married in 2009 and informed everyone 2 months ago..my STD's are going out in January 2008.

My best friend might be getting married the same year and she might not be able to attend my wedding..I don't blame her and i would NEVER get upset/angry at such a stupid thing. You're friend is not being very nice IMO.

ETA: some of my family (well the one's i don't really see but have to invite) might not be able to attend. I am not upset about this. People are making a vacation out of it if they do come. You should not be worried, or feel bad if you can't make it to a destination wedding. The couple really should understand. Especially if something is as far away and as expensive as Hawaii.

pameladhd Posted: Sep 29, 2007 11:49 AM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

I have been thinking more and more about having a destination wedding. I really dont feel like planning a whole huge to-do for our wedding. We have been together for many years, lived together for almost four and have a two year old daughter.

I really would like to go away just he and I but I have been informed by my girlfriends that they would be really hurt if they were not invited (plus I think our families would be very upset as well). So I think I am going to pick a destination and send out a wedding notification. It will be very casual and just advise people that we are going away to get married and we would love for them to join us but no pressure and if they cant attend we will take tons of pics for them. Something to that effect. Since I will be inviting only a handful of close family and friends I will probably opt for some sort of handwritten note (but not too sure yet).

I think a huge part of a destination wedding is the understanding that a lot of people may not be able to attend. I want to keep my ceremony as intimate and private as possible so I am okay with that.

donegal419 Posted: Sep 29, 2007 12:15 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

yes..... unless it's family or a very close friend, i don't go. money is tight right now and it's hard to do the flight, hotel, the gift.... for the 2 of us it's usaully well over $2,000 depending on where the wedding.

HamptonsBride Posted: Sep 29, 2007 01:13 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

my friend got married in Australia (she married an Aussie & now lives there) a few years back & wasn't going to invite me cause she felt bad about the expense..she was just going to have family...but i 'yelled' at her and said...hell yeah i want to go & watch you walk down the aisle... i was a BM...so glad i could make it...but i would think most brides understand it costs alot of $$$...i was understanding about people coming to NY for my wedding!

ant n tilde Posted: Sep 29, 2007 01:42 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

i would only go to a DW for a family member or a best friend - even then it would depend on the situation. For example, I wouldn't go without FH so if it was in the summer I wouldn't be able to go at all. AND I would only go if it came out to a reasonable price.

I don't think the B&G should really get mad if you can't attend. . . as PP have said - those who plan a DW usually want a smaller more intimate affair and understand that everyone can't attend.

I know that if I planned a DW that a few important people would not be able to attend including my parents, FH's grandparents and basically our entire family LOL

rfilipofornow Posted: Sep 29, 2007 01:49 PM

Re: Do you find yourself replying 'no' to destination weddings?

i have 2 DW within 2 weeks of each other next year, neither of which i can say no, so i know how you feel! my MOH is getting married in Disney World, but that's only partially destination, because she and her FH's family all live an hour from Disney, so for them, it's not really destination. Plus, I don't mind going to Disney because my brother works there and I never get to see him and DH has NEVER been, so we're taking a vacation for it.

However, my cousin's Cancun wedding is a COMPLETELY different story. she's having 7 BMs and 10 GMs. they're still only planning on having about 40 people, so the BP is pretty much the whole wedding, as if that isn't retarded enough. THEN she tells us that getting married in Cancun is just too expensive (mind you, she's not paying for crap AND she and her FH make 6 figures), so they've decided to go to a justice of the peace in Atlanta the week before and have a fake ceremony in Cancun. and if you knew my cousin, you'd know that i can't say, 'well, now i'm not coming' because she will never talk to me again. so i have to go to a fake DW, which will cost me like 1/10th of my annual salary, while my cousin is saving $900 by not actually getting married there. OH and they originally told the BP that they would pay for our hotel rooms. then they changed their minds.