do you invite the ex?

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Posted by ering

Please help...

My FH is still friends with a few of his ex-girlfriends. He's really pushing for 2 of them to be invited to the wedding. I don't think one of them would come because she lives in Florida... but I don't know if I am comfortable inviting the other one. I know they are friends and I have met her... but I don't know if I want my FH's 'first love' at my wedding... what do you think?

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I dont care how sweet or nice these girls are, they should not be friends. Sorry. There is no reason for him to be FRIENDS. He should have enough MALE FRIENDS. Doesnt he?

No tell him, not at our wedding.

Good Luck!!!

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Posted by ering

Thank you all for your input!!!!

I need to sleep on this one some more...

This isn't the typical ex-girlfriend type...
They have a fairly close plotonic relationship, that I am not threatened by, (we often talk when she calls for him)

I remind myself that their relationship was over long before we met, I genuinely feel she is a good person, and a good friend to my FH, (she is a social worker and helped out a lot with a situation his mother had)... and I don't want to be the one blamed if their friendship suffers...

I guess the main reason that I care if she does attend, is I don't want it to be a distraction... Several of his family will be seeing her for the first time in a long time... and she is still single, attractive... does this make sense? Am I being too insecure?

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the way you describe the friendship & her I think it would be fine to invite her!

I went to my ex's wedding & I hadn't seen his family in a good while. It was THEIR day. I being the ex didn't take away from that.

As some of our other brides have pointed out, every relationship is different. I think that it depends totally on your comfort level - it is YOUR day. The fact that you asked obviously shows that you are not comfortable with the situation, and in that case I think you should not invite her.

Ironically, as I write this, I realize that one of FH's exes is do a reading at our ceremony. Odd how i didn't think of it that way...

if you don't feel comfortable with it, then FH should respect your wishes...

that being said, i am inviting an ex but i don't view him as an ex, i view him as a friend and FH has no problem with it!

I have to say again that it depends on your comfort level, and it seems like you're comfortable with her. I think you're maybe stressing voer nothing. So his family will see her and say hi. nothing can change the fact that it's your day! And obviously, FH is marrying YOU, not her for a reason!

Still, it's really about if you're comfortable and why? I'd discuss it all with FH. If it really makes you uncomfrotable it's not worth it.

That having been said, I'm so glad I'm FH's first and last love

It all depends on your current relationship with her, and hers with him. If she is a good friend (my first love is a great friend and will be at the wedding...FI has one of his ex's coming) then I do not think it is a problem. But, if you will be uncomfortable, don't do it.

I think you have to ask yoursself: Are you uncomfortable with it because she is 'an ex coming to the wedding' and that just seems wrong, or because you feel strange about her as a person around you both? Once you have the answer to that, you have the answer to the question. Follow your gut!

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Posted by ering

Thank you all for your input!!!!

I need to sleep on this one some more...

This isn't the typical ex-girlfriend type...
They have a fairly close plotonic relationship, that I am not threatened by, (we often talk when she calls for him)

I remind myself that their relationship was over long before we met, I genuinely feel she is a good person, and a good friend to my FH, (she is a social worker and helped out a lot with a situation his mother had)... and I don't want to be the one blamed if their friendship suffers...

I guess the main reason that I care if she does attend, is I don't want it to be a distraction... Several of his family will be seeing her for the first time in a long time... and she is still single, attractive... does this make sense? Am I being too insecure?

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I say don't worry about it! I have a similiar situation. DH also is still good friends with an ex from YEARS ago - totally nice girl, she's a single mom and everything, so I not only like her, but I really respect her. We invited her to the wedding (she brought her boyfriend) and she was really happy for us and it was nice having her there. I say if you are all on good terms, then what's the harm! Trust me, I'm speaking from personal experience when I say that NO ONE will be distracted by her being there - all eyes are going to be on YOU girl! :) Don't be insecure at all - she sounds like a nice girl anyway from your post, she won't be there to upstage you. Don't lose sleep over it! :)

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Posted by chichila15

I honestly don't agree with many of you. To immediately jump to say 'no' to this situation, because you're basing it on your own, isn't right to Ering. She came to seek open advice, and should definitely look into this with an open mind, because this is something that she has to go through.

Ering, I can see that you might feel like the ex will distract guests, but so would a pregnant guest, or another engaged couple... though, I doubt they wouldn't be invited because of their status. However, the attention level the B&G gets outweighs anything else. And if anything, the only attention I think his ex would get is the slight mention of how mature, strong & secure you are for not standing in the way of the groom inviting her.

Had the ex been just an old female friend, you wouldn't have even given it a second thought, right? If you like her as a person, and honestly believe that she is a good person, and good friend to FH, then IMHO, I think you are intimidated by her - and you shouldn't be.

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Glad we can voice opinions in respect.

I said NOOOO based on I think it would be an uncomfortable situation. That was someone u were with etc - now you have your 'Prince' or 'Princess'. We all remember the past - but dont want to live it on the first day of our future.

IMO

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Posted by LadyPrincess

Glad we can voice opinions in respect.

I said NOOOO based on I think it would be an uncomfortable situation. That was someone u were with etc - now you have your 'Prince' or 'Princess'. We all remember the past - but dont want to live it on the first day of our future.

IMO

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I agree, and that's a good point if the ex is not someone who the FH hasn't spoken to in years, and he just decided, out of the blue, that he wanted to invite her. But, Ering's FH's ex is a friend. The ex is an important person is FH's life, meaning that they are waaaay past that past experience they had. They care about each other on a completely different level, and still want to be in each other's lives.

To your question:

Do you invite the ex?

Answer: Not if I want my fiance to show up!!