do you invite the ex?

CaCRmr Posted: Jun 30, 2004 08:42 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I'd go with 'NO'

Corduroy94 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 08:43 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I think it's a different situation for everyone but clearly it bothers you. If I was in your place NO i wouldnt invite her.

chichila15 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:16 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I honestly don't agree with many of you. To immediately jump to say 'no' to this situation, because you're basing it on your own, isn't right to Ering. She came to seek open advice, and should definitely look into this with an open mind, because this is something that she has to go through.

Ering, I can see that you might feel like the ex will distract guests, but so would a pregnant guest, or another engaged couple... though, I doubt they wouldn't be invited because of their status. However, the attention level the B&G gets outweighs anything else. And if anything, the only attention I think his ex would get is the slight mention of how mature, strong & secure you are for not standing in the way of the groom inviting her.

Had the ex been just an old female friend, you wouldn't have even given it a second thought, right? If you like her as a person, and honestly believe that she is a good person, and good friend to FH, then IMHO, I think you are intimidated by her - and you shouldn't be.

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:23 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Yep! I'm inviting my first boyfriend from HS. He's been a great friend to me, and I couldn't imagine my wedding without him. BUT, FH and I don't think of him as my 'ex' he is a friend, so that stigma and insecurity isn't there to begin with.

nan&dave Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:24 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

NO NO NO. No ex's to your wedding. It would be to uncomfortable.

nferrandi Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:24 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I would probably ber VERY uncomfortable about it, but I would probably invite her. You said that she's been a good friend to FH and that's important, good friends are hard to find. As far as her being a distraction, distraction to who? Your FH or you? I don't know how many guests youre having, but if it's a decent amount, you'll barely even realize she's there. FH is going to be so focused on you he'll barely even have tme to say hello to her. I would probably just suck it up and invite her, it will probably look weird to anyone who knows you all if she's not invited.

lorsin Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:26 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I'm in the opposite situation, I've actually dated 2 of the groomsmen - nothing serious, just 1 or 2 dates. FH knows this since he set us up before he and I realized we wanted to be with each other.

And my high school boyfriend is coming because he is one of my best friends. I dated him for 2 years. FH is totally cool with these because he's friends with them too and knows that nothing has been going on for years - before he and I dated.

On the other hand, if I wanted to invite my college ex, who tried to sabotage our relationship, I know he would say no because of the relationship issues.

So I do think it depends on what his relationship has been with these girls and your comfort level.

diamondgrlie Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:28 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I would have to go with a NO here, I wouldnt feel comfortable and its your day so you shouldnt have to feel anything but happy.

shelly3950 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:44 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I have 3 exes invited to my wedding- two definitely will come. The only one that may not come lives in England and was my 'first love' in a sense- weird confusing relationship.

ANYWAY, I would be very uncomfortable not having them be invited. They are all a part of my life now and I don't focus on the past of our relationships, only what we have now. I am lucky that FH feels comfortable with that.

However, if this is really going to bother you, you need to talk to FH. Find out how important it is that he wants to invite these people. Also I would wonder why you don't want them there. Are you concerned that he harbors feelings for her or is it just that she was 'with' your husband (which is totally understandable).

Either way, only the two of you can decide.

Kriss2c Posted: Jun 30, 2004 09:49 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Well, I have been on the other side of this situation before. Let me tell you, I was single at the time, I had not seen the ex's family in a while. BUT I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BEING THERE. I didn't hold any 'My Best Friend's Wedding' feelings for the groom and I was very happy for him. But I have to say that I felt so self-conscious at that wedding.

Perhaps, your FH's ex might feel this way and decide not to attend.

HearzBellz Posted: Jun 30, 2004 10:06 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

DH & I each had an ex at our wedding... I guess it depends on how the two of you handle such things. The way I see it, everyone has a past (unless you are marrying your first) so really he has done nothing more or less than I have done & Vice-Versa.

I guess if you are posting you feel uncomfortable, but I think maybe you should try to figure out why. JMHO

Bebalina Posted: Jun 30, 2004 10:08 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

JimmysBride Posted: Jun 30, 2004 10:09 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Um, No.

BCTM33 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 10:13 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I think it depends. If he is friends with her and you don't have a problem with her - I would invite her, it seems silly not to. Especially since they still speak and you talk to her occasionally. I'm sure he is looking at the situation from a pleutonic (sp?) view. However, if there is even a hint or a thought that she is interested in your FH as more than a friend I would say heck no!

ering Posted: Jun 30, 2004 02:21 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Thank you all so much for sharing your input and experiences with me!!!!! I suppose every situation is different, depending on the people involved. Maybe I'll invite her, and hope she's busy that day... lol

nov2004bride Posted: Jun 30, 2004 02:25 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I would not be able to say no because I am still close to 2 of my ex's and they are both invited to the wedding

LADYLUV69 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 03:27 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I would not do it!!!! If he insists- the invite could miraculously get lost in the mail especially, if you are the one in charge of sending them out. If not just forget to add the extra postage on it and it will come back to you. There are many other options, if you really want to know.

MrsK-in-June05 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 03:30 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

PLEASE DON'T!!!! inviting ex's is just asking for trouble. You know that all important question...'does anyone object ?' Good grief...no need for drama.

shelly3950 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 03:34 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Posted by LADYLUV69

I would not do it!!!! If he insists- the invite could miraculously get lost in the mail especially, if you are the one in charge of sending them out. If not just forget to add the extra postage on it and it will come back to you. There are many other options, if you really want to know.

I don't think that is a very good way to start off a marriage. JMO. I think the two of you need to reach an agreement, and respect it. He has to respect your feelings just as much as you need to respect his.

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 30, 2004 04:17 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

ooohhhh how nasty is that, say HELL NO, would your FH want some guy you have rolled in the hay with there looking at him....my FH and I joked about this and seriously we both agreed the rule of who you did in the past stays in the past....good luck