do you invite the ex?

ering Posted: Jun 29, 2004 10:50 PM

do you invite the ex?

Please help...

My FH is still friends with a few of his ex-girlfriends. He's really pushing for 2 of them to be invited to the wedding. I don't think one of them would come because she lives in Florida... but I don't know if I am comfortable inviting the other one. I know they are friends and I have met her... but I don't know if I want my FH's 'first love' at my wedding... what do you think?

April302005 Posted: Jun 29, 2004 10:58 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! Why put yourself through the stress and aggravation??? If your worried about it now then you'll still be worried then.. You don;t need the headache!

nehaliasz Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:00 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

oh God NO!!

ering Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:01 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

yeah... I know what you're saying, but they have been friends for a while... and i don't want to come off as the 'one who has the problem' with her presence...

noraleigh Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:02 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Would he want one of your ex-lovers at the wedding????????

marymoon Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:04 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I don't think you'll come off as the one who has a problem. You're not ivnitng every one of his firneds, she cna be one of the ones you leave out. I'm sure she wouldnlt be offended and if she is, who cares? It's so much less tressful for everyone involved. I'm firneds with my first love, but it will definitely be weird to be at his wedding someday. I'm inviting him to mine, but FH is ok with it and we dated 8 years ago now, so it's really not a bug deal, but I won't be offended if he doens't come b/c he's uncomfortable, and if FH weren't ok with it, I just wouldn;t invite him. It's not about jealousy or about anyone having a problem it's just awkward and not worth the stress on YOUR wedding day.

ering Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:06 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I don't think he would care, he's pretty laid back about this stuff... He said he would expect me to feel this way had I never met her, but I have several times, we have many of the same friends...

marymoon Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:14 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

This is my 999th post, BTW!

Then I think it's simple, don't invite her. The end. I don't think it matters if you've met her or not. It's not worth it. it's your day. You cna invite her over to your place after you get married if you want to make it up to her.

ETA: My profile says 'i'm addicted even tho I only have 999 posts..how bizarre'

chichila15 Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:15 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Posted by ering

I don't think he would care, he's pretty laid back about this stuff... He said he would expect me to feel this way had I never met her, but I have several times, we have many of the same friends...

I was in a similar situation with FH and his ex at the beginning of our relationship. I knew the ex from school, and knew that she was still stringing him along (they dated 4 years - on/off). I expressed my concern, but gave him room to breathe and make his own decision. After a couple of months, he realized for himself that he didn't need her in his life anymore -- especially when she disrespected our relationship paging him 'i love/miss u' (yes, it was a long time ago... pager...).

The point of the story is that your FH is an adult, and u should treat him like one. He knows what he's doing, and sometimes we won't agree with certain things. You don't want to put a strain on your relationship over a friend of his... even if it's an ex. That was the past... you are his future. He's marrying you.

However, if it really bothers you, just have an honest sit down with him, and let him know that you're ok that he's friends with her, but you don't want to feel uncomfortable on your day having her there.

ElleOct04 Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:16 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

No! I don't think ex's belong at a wedding IMO ...it would most certainly bother me.

chichila15 Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:38 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

If you don't invite the ex, I'm sure that she'll understand why.

ering Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:39 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Thank you all for your input!!!!

I need to sleep on this one some more...

This isn't the typical ex-girlfriend type...
They have a fairly close plotonic relationship, that I am not threatened by, (we often talk when she calls for him)

I remind myself that their relationship was over long before we met, I genuinely feel she is a good person, and a good friend to my FH, (she is a social worker and helped out a lot with a situation his mother had)... and I don't want to be the one blamed if their friendship suffers...

I guess the main reason that I care if she does attend, is I don't want it to be a distraction... Several of his family will be seeing her for the first time in a long time... and she is still single, attractive... does this make sense? Am I being too insecure?

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:53 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

dont invite her, if you want you can always invite her over after, and show her pictures or the video.....

LadyPrincess Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:53 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO

agv Posted: Jun 29, 2004 11:54 PM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I was in a very similar situation (except it is my ex) and we did invite him. Go with your gut.....every situation is different. Only you know if your current situation makes it appropriate for you to extend the invitation. Under the right circumstance (long time friendship.....close to both of you now....etc....)do I think it is right.

CubanBride Posted: Jun 30, 2004 06:21 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

I was goingto invite my ex-boyfriend and everyone thought I was insane. We are still friends (well, I guess not so much since I moved in with the fiance) and thought it would be nice. there is nothign else between us, but we like to see good things happen for the other. I didn't think it was a big deal, but obviously it was. So I guess the answer is no.

RedHead Posted: Jun 30, 2004 06:28 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

Posted by LadyPrincess

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO

OH and NO

Joey'sbaby Posted: Jun 30, 2004 08:22 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

No brainer..............ABSOLUTELY NO NO NO!!!!!

cluelessbride Posted: Jun 30, 2004 08:30 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

You are not being insecure at all!

It sounds like you have been SUPER mature all along. I do not trust exes AT ALL!

I'm very bad with exes - I wold not invite any of mine and owuld expect that none of his are invited.

I think there are some couples who handle this is in a more mature way, but I'm not mature when it comes to exes.

Xelindrya Posted: Jun 30, 2004 08:37 AM

Re: do you invite the ex?

hrm

I say it's up to both of you to decide.

I am inviting my first deep and true love to my wedding. He means the world to me in everyway. I can't imagine life without him. The difference is I have always been very open and frank about our relationship as friends with any guy I dated after the final goodbye between my ex and I.

Jim knew from the day we started dating that I'd never give up Chad for him. He's my best friend and has known me longer that anyone has.

Both my ex and his future wife are inviting to our wedding. Jim & the ex have never met face to face. I really doubt my ex will come, he's a troublemaker but he respects me and my relationship with Jim and probably will make up some excuse. Which is a shame, I really wish he would be there for me, but I understand.

So, I don't know. I say it's up to you both.

(PS: The reverse is true. I believe if I can do it so should he be able to. If Jim wants to invite an ex I'd have no problem with it. I know who my man comes home to that night)