Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
cluelessbride
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Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
My FMIL started to tell me something last night about my FH's little brother being in trouble in school, and she said 'But you can't tell (FH)'. I said 'I tell him everything, so don't tell me anything you don't want him to know'. She continues with 'Well, you can't tell him everything 'And I said 'If it's important, I tell him'.
So then she didn't finish her story.
Don't you think it's weird that she wanted me to keep something from him?
I don't have secrets with him. Sure there are htings I don't tell him, but not because they are secrets, just because it's boring or trivial. Am I alone?
shelzyp
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
If his mother told me something I would tell him too.
Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
if it were a surprise for him...I could try to keep it...
but not if it had anything to do with his family...
KarenK122
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I wouldn't keep a secret from my hubby unless it had to do with a present or something like that.
Honestly it just gets to confusing to keep anything from him and I wouldn't be able to keep it all straight lol.
june262004
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
FH and I tell each other EVERYTHING no matter how bad or good it is. Some people even look at us like we are crazy because we share so much info with each other. We believe that the most important things are loving each other Trust and Honesty. Maybe u could say something like ure mom told me something about ure brother or family. She doesnt want me to say anything but.... then u could tell him or tell him to maybe ask his mother whats goin on. I wouldnt keep it a secret though.
Robeymuse
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
My mother gets mad that I tell my FI everything too. I have kept secrets from him though. His sister (my FSIL and one of my BM) was having troubles with her significant other. She told me about it and what happened and asked me not to say anything to FI because he has a habit of telling everybody in the family and she didn't want it to get out. So I kept her secret. I was tempted to talk to him because it is his sister and I wanted advice but I didn't say anything. I have a great friendship with her and I didn't want to ruin it. Every situation is different
2UNTAMED
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I personally feel, no matter who it is (friend, family, co-worker etc.) tells me something in confidence and asks not to tell anyone, I honor that request. Everyone does not need to know everthing or what goes on with everyone elses' life. Most of the time, when someone tells you something in confidence, it is because they need someone to share, what is bothering them, or perhaps looking to you for advise on how to handle the situation. I do not feel your FMIL is trying to put you in an ackward situation, in regards to your FH, but instead she trusts and respects your opinon enough to intrust you with her problem (secret). If the problem continues, than I would sugest to her, that maybe it is time to turn to your FH for help. :)
butterfly20
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
cluelessbride. i agree 100% with your point of view!
nrvbrd
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
Dh and I are very open with each other.
I do agree that there are certain things that we do NOT need to tell each other especially if it has nothing to do with OUR relationship.
I.e. Dh best friend was having problems with his girlfriend. I knew about it, however the two guys spoke in confidence about it. DH told me the gist of the conversation, but out of loyalty to his friend he withheld some info, and I totally respect that. I would do the same.
Sorry to be brutal here, but those of you who think your FH/DH tells you EVERYTHING you are sadly mistaken.
Xelindrya
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
God knows I tell Jim everything.. things Im sure he never wanted to know. He's a strange one tho... he wont say stuff to me that he feels in unimportant, problem is I think they are important.
We don't keep vital information from eachother. Overall I say were honest and opea to the point of brutal.
Because we live together and spend all our time together, there's not much he doesnt already know. This is why Im going to all the GTG I can find here. I need girl 'down time' ya know?
For now, we pretty much are one complete unit. Sweet, romantic and scary. heh
btrflygrl
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I would never!
mlp924
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
My inlaws are totally into secrets and lies to 'protect' people! It's actually driving me nuts. I try to be as open with my husband as possible and he can't keep a secret if his life depended on it! He tells me when he uses the bathroom(well almost )
You were 100% right Clueless. This is a terrible cycle to begin.
DKA1026
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I keep no secrets of my own from DH, but I do keep other peoples' secrets. I don't think it's right to break someone else's confidence. There's no reason for me to tell DH other peoples' personal secrets if they don't have anything to do with us.
ETA - Clueless I think you did the right thing by telling her that you were uncomfortable keeping secrets from FH. And she also did the right thing by respecting that and not continuing the story.
Latina511
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
If my FMIL told me not to say anything I don't. If it has to do with a matter of life and death its a different story. Other than that DH can have a big mouth within the family so I act like I don't know anything.
MaryK
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I think you did the right thing by telling her upfront that you were uncomfortable being asked to keep something from your FH. I agree with you 100%.
My MIL also does that to me - she will tell me things and then say 'Don't tell Mitchell' AFTER she says it! I always tell her - I am sorry I can't promise to keep a secret from my husband. 9 times out of 10 she will tell him anyway. He has even told his mom not to tell one of us something that she doesn't want the other to know - there are no secrets between us (except presents and surprises and stuff)
It's tough but you did the RIGHT thing IMO.
Jenn P
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
Several months ago my FIL confided in me that his mother (DH's grandmother, who we all love dearly) has a tumor on her lung. The story behind why I found out about this first is long and irrelevent-I'll just say we were in the middle of another family crisis on DH's side and I was helping to make travel arrangements to get him to a funeral. He promised me he would tell my DH that weekend, after the service. Well, he did not tell DH until a few weeks later, and several times during those few weeks I came very close to calling my FIL and telling him the dam was about to burst.
I suppose my point is that you both did the right thing by being forthright with each other and you have relieved yourself of the burden of knowledge you can't share.
endlessluv429
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
We don't keep secrets either--we tell each other EVERYTHING. I agree with clueless 100%
cluelessbride
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
Thank you for your comments everyone. I don't feel so weird about it now. I just hope she doesn't take it personally.
JodiBabe
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Re: Do you keep secrets from your FH? What if you FMIL asked you to???!!
I think you did the right thing also!
I also talk to my husband about EVERYTHING!!! We also don't have secrets between us unless it is regarding a gift.
I saw my aunt & uncle live a life of lying to each other & keeping secrets from each other & I always hated it! I think it is a horrible way to live! Not the type of relationship I want with my husband!
