Do you Share Holidays

Original post by J&S

Oct 12, 2005 08:47 PM

DH keeps teling me he is dreading the holidays because he hates how every year we hop from house to house visiting family-I hate that he feels this way it should be a happy time not something you dread. I kinda hate it too because we never get to relax and you can forget about drinking when you know soon you will have to leave. But at the same time I feel bad not spending the holidays with my side of the family or choosing favorites. So my question is how do you decide this? Do you spend one major holiday with his side one year and the next spend it with my side? I wish we could just have family come to us but we are upstate. MIL expects us to spend all holidays with his side which I think is totally unfair.

Mayflower Posted: Oct 13, 2005 10:35 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

Posted by diluvchu

We do the whole house hopping thing for the holidays and it stinks! No one is ever satisfied. Each family wants more time with us or we feel like we didn't spend enough time with 1 family. We split all the big holidays(Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving) 50/50. It's a huge pain! But I figure that once we are married, we can have the holidays at our house and make everyone come to us.

we do the same thing and nothing sux more than having 2 thanksgiving/xmas meals hours apart from each other. definitely looking forward to hosting the holidays going forward

SomethingBlu Posted: Oct 13, 2005 10:36 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

My family doesn't celebrate any holidays...so I get it to spend it with DH's. Plus my family lives really far.

MonkeyLuv Posted: Oct 13, 2005 10:44 AM

.

MrsP2Be Posted: Oct 13, 2005 10:44 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

One night with each family for Jewish holidays and alternating Thanksgiving.

palebride Posted: Oct 13, 2005 10:55 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We share and go house hopping....but this year is going to be great because both sets of parents now live in Suffolk, so we only have to 'hop' about 10 minutes!!!

I can't not see my family on the holidays though - it means too much to me, and I can't ask that of him either

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Oct 13, 2005 11:17 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

it is complicated!

his family doesn't really do thanksgiving, so it was always my family.

christmas eve is the big one for his family, everyone goes to his grandparents apt, eats and opens gifts at midnight. that is a pain of a commute- we are in brooklyn, have no car, and they are in washington heights.

this year, my mom and brother moved to AZ so we will not see them. my sister will be with us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think we will be house hopping this year- Xmas eve at his grandparents, Christmas morning at home, then to FH's moms house.

nferrandi Posted: Oct 13, 2005 11:23 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We go house hopping on Thanksgiving and Christmas. But since I'm Jewish and he's Catholic it's not so bad. My sister likes to throw Christmas parties (I'm not sure why) so we usually spend the early afternoon with my family and the rest of the day with his.
But now that we're married, sometimes our families share hloidays- like my parents invited my ILs to dinner last week for the Jewsish holiday and I did Mother's Day at my house this past year.
Once we have kids though, I'm not going everywhere, people will just have to either come to us or both families will be together somewhere.

Sweetpea130000 Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:01 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We switch Thanksgiving every year. My family doesn't celebrate Christmas on Christmas so that is not a problem and Easter is my family on Saturday and his family on Sunday.

eogara Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:06 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

This is where marrying a person of a different faith comes in super handy

The only holiday DH and I share is Thanksgiving. We're trying to figure out now what to do about that, although with both of our grandparents in not great shape, this year will be a little different. But, in future years, we'll probably alternate. It's what my brothers do and it makes the most sense IMO. It'll s*ck the year I'm not with my family but that way no one can get mad and we always know the schedule.

andri Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:33 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

jjuly06bride

we share, but my parents come with me/us when we are with hsi family and his family is always welcome to my house with my family...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Lord!!! I was working at my desk,reading the responses and at the same time talking to myself...'what do these(our families) people think we are,gum? to be stretched from LI to Westchester and getting madder and madder because we ALWAYS hop around and I never enjoy it,except for X-Mas eve,thats our holiday.

Sooooo, I read what July06bride wrote and instead of : we share, but my parents come with me/us

I read : we share, but my parents come with MENU'S !!!!!!
I started saying aloud: This poor girl! Her parents are sooooo demanding they bring their own MENU'S !!!

I guess I still have that whole wedding thing in my head,you know 'make baskets,rose petal cones, MENU'S...'

Sorry July06..but just goes to show how stressed others make us.
To answer the question,we hop and we hate it!
Thanksgiving at both mom's and we MUST eat twice or one of them gets pissy.
Christmas Eve at our house,only because I'm a big fish eater and since its an all non-meat menu,they elected me. Christmas here & there plus add in my sisters house too. Easter we're always in Florida with my family but...you didn't think I actually got away with this did ya,nooooo his brother lives in Ft.Lauderdale so drive to his house from West Palm after lunch.

Happybride2005 Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:42 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

dh has a very small family. he l ikes how my family does the ho liday with a home cooked meal/ they don't do big gatherings. in the jewish religion, its 2 days for the holiday. so that helps out a lot

usuk2004 Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:52 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

It's hard for us because our families live on two different continents!! So far, last year we saw my family for Easter and Thanksgiving and spent Christmas with his. This year, we were at his mom's for Easter, we'll have Thanksgiving on our own in London (although I think we can rope some Brits into eating turkey for a good cause! ) and we had this crazy idea to split Christmas - we're spending Christmas eve and most of the day with my family, flying back to England Christmas Day evening and we'll be in the UK for Boxing Day...it'll be interesting! Actually, it was a lot cheaper to do it this way!

Xelindrya Posted: Oct 13, 2005 12:57 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We don't care

My family is American Indian and generally Military grown by a few generations.

His family is Chinese.

I celebrate the Chinese New Year with his family. (my father wishes he could too!)

My family is in Iowa, His is here. We are ASKED to come to Thanksgiving and cook the turkey (since she doesnt know how) and We are asked to come to xmas Dinner.

I have explained our family's feelings of Thanksgiving but I still cook the turkey and we just have a big dinner without any praying or thanking, just time with his family.

xmas is present swapping and eating. Always an adventure! no kids in the family unless you count my fil who's not normal!!! *shakes her head*

What other holidays count?
Easter, whatever who cares?
4th of July, My stepmonster's bday, so I hate it generally, but Jim and I watch TV to see fireworks
New Years - watch on TV
Labor Day - my brothers bday, Jim's family just has a cookout, which if we're around we go.

thats it isnt it?

My father is awesome. He loves to talk and socialize and commune. We used to spend the day before Thanksgiving Donating food to needy families and finally coming home to rest before the real Thanksgiving day which all food HAS to be prepared before the Dallas Cowboy game. (still a tradition for me) Can't miss my boys!!!

My dad would, if he lived here inviting Jim's whole family to come and eat at his house. Jim's mom is the type who'd go and cook stuff anywhere, she's cool

perfect world, my father would open his home to Jim's whole family (grandparents, cousins, grandaunts etc) and have an all out feast. We love big parties.

Holidays shouldnt be stressful ever. It defeats the whole purpose. Family is family and we've just began one by getting married so we need to recongize we cant go home to 'mommy' or 'daddy' and Jim and I want 'US' time not 'with them' time.

Just us. Not totally bah-humbug... but close!

ETA:
When we have our OWN place we will:
1. ALWAYS invite a military soul into our house for thanksgiving!!ALWAYS!
2. if we have children, ALWAYS run with the charities on the day before thanksgiving dropping off donated food. Same for Xmas
3. Xmas will be celebrated as the day of family and thanksgiving with presents and tree. (since the tree and gifts have NOTHING at all to do with RELIGION in any single possible way)
4. If we have kids, all other holidays will be throughly explained and celebrated accordingly.

E-n-K Posted: Oct 13, 2005 04:18 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We hop all over the place and its rediculous. Fh's parents just split up this year and mine are already split so this year we will have FOUR groups to see at holiday time Talk abotu hopping!! We will prob. split Christmas Eve w/the moms and Christmas day w/the dads. It totally takes away from the fun of it!

Soon2BeMrsS Posted: Oct 13, 2005 06:00 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

UGGH We hate this too! So we do thanksgving w/ his family every other year w/ mine, he';s jewish do christmas and Chunnaka aren't that hard

july06bride Posted: Oct 13, 2005 07:45 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

Posted by andri

jjuly06bride

we share, but my parents come with me/us when we are with hsi family and his family is always welcome to my house with my family...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Lord!!! I was working at my desk,reading the responses and at the same time talking to myself...'what do these(our families) people think we are,gum? to be stretched from LI to Westchester and getting madder and madder because we ALWAYS hop around and I never enjoy it,except for X-Mas eve,thats our holiday.

Sooooo, I read what July06bride wrote and instead of : we share, but my parents come with me/us

I read : we share, but my parents come with MENU'S !!!!!!
I started saying aloud: This poor girl! Her parents are sooooo demanding they bring their own MENU'S !!!

I guess I still have that whole wedding thing in my head,you know 'make baskets,rose petal cones, MENU'S...'

Sorry July06..but just goes to show how stressed others make us.
To answer the question,we hop and we hate it!
Thanksgiving at both mom's and we MUST eat twice or one of them gets pissy.
Christmas Eve at our house,only because I'm a big fish eater and since its an all non-meat menu,they elected me. Christmas here & there plus add in my sisters house too. Easter we're always in Florida with my family but...you didn't think I actually got away with this did ya,nooooo his brother lives in Ft.Lauderdale so drive to his house from West Palm after lunch.

Oh my goodness, you actually made me laugh out loud! Thats too funny!

marymoon Posted: Oct 14, 2005 10:24 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

We're interfaith, so that REALLY makes it easier. The only holiday to worry about is thanksgiving, which has been a major point of contention. I refuse to not have dinner with my family. I cook it with my mom every year. I just can't imagie not hvaing dinner with them...plus it took FH's family years to even invite me, and I'm sure they would have no veggie food for me. We tried going there for dessert once, but the extended family left before we even got there, so there was no point. And now we're not really talking to hius family, so it's not really an issue.

jeanla4c Posted: Oct 14, 2005 11:23 AM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

I am jealous of those of you can house hop although I realize it must be hard also! My parens live on LI and his live in Christiansburg, VA...we live about halfway in between in NOrthern VA (a little closer to his parents, but not much).

THis year we are doing THanksgiving and having our parents coming to us but I'll miss other family

Christmas will be in NY this year (and probably his parents next year). .... it is going to be really hard to be away from my huge Italian family with tons of traditions and be with his family that is usually just his parents and brother but at least we'll be together!

lilacwine Posted: Oct 14, 2005 03:20 PM

Re: Do you Share Holidays

Posted by andri

jjuly06bride

we share, but my parents come with me/us when we are with hsi family and his family is always welcome to my house with my family...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Lord!!! I was working at my desk,reading the responses and at the same time talking to myself...'what do these(our families) people think we are,gum? to be stretched from LI to Westchester and getting madder and madder because we ALWAYS hop around and I never enjoy it,except for X-Mas eve,thats our holiday.

Sooooo, I read what July06bride wrote and instead of : we share, but my parents come with me/us

I read : we share, but my parents come with MENU'S !!!!!!
I started saying aloud: This poor girl! Her parents are sooooo demanding they bring their own MENU'S !!!

I guess I still have that whole wedding thing in my head,you know 'make baskets,rose petal cones, MENU'S...'

That's the best thing I've read all day!

We wing it for the holidays based on what everyone else is doing. SIL is visiting BIL's family in FL for Thanksgiving, so we plan to invite MIL to my family's Thanksgiving. That's as far as we've come this year.

Last year, my father was in the hospital over Christmas, and somehow I managed to visit him, then DH's family, then dad again, then go with my mother to my cousin's for dinner there. It's all a blur.