Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Original post by OctBride03

Feb 27, 2003 10:30 AM

Hi ladies... normally I don't vent like this, but I think I need to let some things out...

Anyway.... I feel like if I don't do anything wedding related it won't get done... I feel like no one is excited for me anymore... it's 8 months away and it's like nothing.... my parents have been helpful ONLY when I TELL them to be... I just feel like everyone's mother is so involved and my mother doesn't know where to begin... I know they are nervous and trying to re-do the house (for the wedding) and we don't even think it's even hit my dad yet.... I just wish they'd ask me what's going on? what kind of flowers and stuff I'm going with? They don't really offer any ideas for anything.... they are confused and nervous, I know, but it just makes me sad....

I feel bad constantly calling my MOH - she's got 4 kids of her own and FH has been working like crazy, he doesn't even know what day it is...

I'm going with my mother on March 11 to go look at invites. I know I made her feel bad this morning when I told her no one is involved.... UGH, I dont know... I guess it's just one of those days! Sorry soooo long!

Thanks ladies!

dkga1026 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 11:58 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

You're not alone!! Everyone here is willing to help and listen. I understand how you feel though. Your parents probably haven't come to grips with the fact that you're getting married yet. Maybe they aren't sure how to react. At least they are redoing the house for your wedding - that's really sweet!!

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

LOL Thanks!

Alina, I sent you FM back!

Yes, I think they may still be in shock! Only daughter, first to get married and all! I guess it'll all come together!

Thank you again ladies! I really dont' know what I'd do if I didn't have you guys to vent to!

christine1221 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Lauren .... I can't say anymore than anyone else has ... they've said it beautifully. I know how you feel ... went through it myself too. I used to read threads about everyone's BM's who were so involved & soo generous w/their time, but mine weren't. I got over it afterwards. I just focused on planning for the marriage, in addition to planning for the wedding. That put things back in perspective, sometimes.

If you tell your family how you feel, though, maybe things will improve. I'm sure that we'll talk more about this

janatlantica Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:20 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Don't be sad my friend!!!! I am VERY excited about your wedding and if you feel sad, don't because all parents usually end up pulling a lot more weight in helping you towards the end! I know my Mom did and I was feeling as if she was just merely going to be a guest, then she came through for me BIG TIME! My MOH situation was truly lame, even BEFORE we got the bad news in December, as you know, and my BM REALLY picked up the slack but only towards the shower and after so Don't despair!!! I send you many hugs!

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:22 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Christine and Laura... to you both! Thank you!

mv1003 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:26 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Oh, my wedding twin!!!!
Don't feel sad! It's just what us women do.
I thought I felt the same way for a while, and then discovered I was better off with no one helping me.
Everyone in my BP, including my MOH, lives in another state. I get very sad that they can't go try on dresses with me or anything. My Mom seemed less than caring about anything! Then, when shea (and FMIL) did start asking questions, they also started offering suggestions. These suggestions were never positive, or reinforcing what I like. They made it seem that I was doing everything wrong, I should do this instead of that... so I stopped telling them anything! I just figured, they'll see it all that day

We're all here for you!
I guess the other girls are right, just have a heart to heart with your Mom. I'm sure she just feels that she doesn't want to feel like she's stepping on your toes or anything.

michele31 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:26 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

I think that you need to take a break- at least for a week- no planning at all. I did a few mini-breaks and they were well needed and made a huge difference.

First off, enlist another friend (whose opinion you respect) to help you. If you are this overwhelmed perhaps you need to talk to your FH and tell him that you are not sure how to get everything done. Maybe he can take a weekend off from work, and really focus on getting some stuff crossed off your to-do list.

If your Mom is not very involved then she a)might feel bad that she is not financially contributing to the wedding or b) feel that her opinion doesn't matter or c) she is just not into the whole wedding thing.

My mother ONLY went to the florists with me, and she came gown shopping but I found my gown on Day #1 so that was not a huge investment of time. My mother nevered came to a fitting, never listened to bands nothing. It wasn't that she didn't care but she just is not very interested in the stuff. It hurt my feelings and still does in some ways. I was very lucky to have a stepmom who lives for this stuff, and some good friends.

So take a break, re-group and start fresh.

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 27, 2003 12:31 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Thank you! Michele, now that you mention it... my mother was involved in the beginning, I think things are just getting overwhelming...

I mean she's been to a few bridal shows, she came with me to see the band play, she was with me before I picked out my gown (FINALLY)... and I guess I few others.... just makes me sad that I HAVE to tell her what to do... she's the mom, she should just open her mouth! I mean, I guess I should be thankful, she's not a pain in the a$$!

Thank you so much ladies! I feel so much better!

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 27, 2003 06:34 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

I am in the same boat. My mother cried for days when I first got engaged, and I thought she was unhappy, but then she said that it makes her feel old that her youngest is getting married. Then she said that she was feeling overwhelmed. I want her to be involved, but she has so much going on in her life, too, and I need to take that into consideration. Definitely talk with your mom. My mother also felt bad getting so excited because I am getting married before my older sister, who is not even engaged yet, and my sister is feeling sad, so mom tries to downplay the excitement. That hurts, as well, but what can you do? Good luck, and when you feel like you need help...ASK! It's the only way people will ever know what you need.

jennbaby Posted: Feb 27, 2003 07:35 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Thats what we are here for!!!!
FM me anytime to vent or chat wedding stuff!

wacky Posted: Feb 27, 2003 07:53 PM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Ah sweetie, dont get down. I thought the same way, so I just bring it up now.

Maybe your mom doesnt want to step on any toes, ask her to join in. Maybe thats what she waiting for.

bird Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:22 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Hi October bride - I'm also an October bride and really feel the same way you do. It's not often you spend a huge amount of money on something that you alone have to plan. Yes, you'll get some help here and there, but then along with the help you don't want the negative suggestions or comments. Just do a little bit at a time, let your fiance know your plans and any other family members who you think would like to know, and see how it goes.

I am getting married on the 16th so if you need any advice, let me know - I basically booked everything except the limo...

Cindy Posted: Feb 28, 2003 10:01 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

Dont feel bad! I know it is easier said than done. Do you have a bridal party to help you out. In my situation, my mom did almost everything with me and my bridal party was never around for anything. That made me feel bad knowing all the help and everyone on here was getting from their bridesmaids. I think everyone gets it in some way. Like someone else responded, this is a great support group.

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 10:07 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

This certaintly is a wonderful support group! I think my problem is... I don't actually ASK for help or opinions!! I think that's where it all started... my BP is great... but if I don't ASK them for help, they won't know what to do.... FH is great too... but again... if I don't tell him what I want or need, he doesn't know... same goes for my mother....

I think my day started off sad yesterday and I needed to let some stuff off my chest! I feel much better... Thank you again ladies!

christine1221 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 11:18 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

lauren, glad to hear that thing might just be a passing feeling. Although, you bring up a good point. I think what we want is for someone calling on a regular basis asking, ' how's it going?' and 'what can I do for you today?' you know ... the way you'd be if your friend was getting married.

sounds like mom was involved & did lots of things with you. She'll continue to be there, but she's got her own worries & stress about your wedding. It'll all come together! And we can always gtg more often to vent & talk

Monica Posted: Feb 28, 2003 11:22 AM

Re: Does anyone feel alone with this planning?? (I'M VERY SAD)

hi! my mother bought me this book The Unconscious Bride. It was on the Oprah show. It validates every feeling you have expressed and more. Just because we feel sad does NOT mean we are having doubts. It is a natural feeling. We are in a transition period right now. We have so much to change about our identity, as we currently know it. Who is the future Mrs. -----. I recommend the book highly. Let me know how it goes.