Does FH give you a hard time...(Vent)

mine always comes but my family has a ridiculous amount of functions; his never has any. he doesn't really complain - we both kind of complain. he loves me though b/c i've started cutoffs - I won't go to my cousin's kid's parties after their 1 year old bdays... i have 6 nieces and nephews and I go to all of theirs so no extras - my cutoff is a year old! so he thinks it's awesome that i'm a rebel and my family is used to me being a PIA.

i had exes who complained and it pretty much was one of the ruining factors of our relationship. good riddance - family values are very important to me.

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22

maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.

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Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk

Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going' Were a hot mess today.

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lol i know what you mean, fh gets mad at me bc of the tone of my voice, i wont even try to argue or catch an attitude but its the way i talk and he'll think im arguing and say things then im like WHAT im not even mad its fine and it goes on lol. And then its kind of like a mess and were both annoyed with eachother...SOMETIMES i'll step back and say ahhhh i'd rather not argue and just say to him Listen i am sorry i dont want to fight, but i just feel this way...maybe also try for sympathy lol...say i am sorry i dont want to fight, its my day off i want to just enjoy our time together, sorry i brought it up but i was excited to think you might be able to make it, but its ok.

It works i use it sometimes, so when i end up looking like the bad guy or starting a fight ill turn it around and say im sorry sincerely then kinda reverse it still talking nicely saying i was so happy thinking we could do this or whatever the situation is and then he feels bad

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22

maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.

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Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk

Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going' Were a hot mess today.

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lol i know what you mean, fh gets mad at me bc of the tone of my voice, i wont even try to argue or catch an attitude but its the way i talk and he'll think im arguing and say things then im like WHAT im not even mad its fine and it goes on lol. And then its kind of like a mess and were both annoyed with eachother...SOMETIMES i'll step back and say ahhhh i'd rather not argue and just say to him Listen i am sorry i dont want to fight, but i just feel this way...maybe also try for sympathy lol...say i am sorry i dont want to fight, its my day off i want to just enjoy our time together, sorry i brought it up but i was excited to think you might be able to make it, but its ok.

It works i use it sometimes, so when i end up looking like the bad guy or starting a fight ill turn it around and say im sorry sincerely then kinda reverse it still talking nicely saying i was so happy thinking we could do this or whatever the situation is and then he feels bad

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I tried that but I sound so SARCASTIC!! LOL Ill admit it! I sound like Im forcing myself to say it! (Which I am) Its so hard for me to say sorry when I feel liek I did nothing wrong. I get like this feeling in my body where Im so ANNOYED and I feel like my hairs stand up. Is that really bad?!!!

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22

maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.

---

Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk

Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going' Were a hot mess today.

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lol i know what you mean, fh gets mad at me bc of the tone of my voice, i wont even try to argue or catch an attitude but its the way i talk and he'll think im arguing and say things then im like WHAT im not even mad its fine and it goes on lol. And then its kind of like a mess and were both annoyed with eachother...SOMETIMES i'll step back and say ahhhh i'd rather not argue and just say to him Listen i am sorry i dont want to fight, but i just feel this way...maybe also try for sympathy lol...say i am sorry i dont want to fight, its my day off i want to just enjoy our time together, sorry i brought it up but i was excited to think you might be able to make it, but its ok.

It works i use it sometimes, so when i end up looking like the bad guy or starting a fight ill turn it around and say im sorry sincerely then kinda reverse it still talking nicely saying i was so happy thinking we could do this or whatever the situation is and then he feels bad

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I tried that but I sound so SARCASTIC!! LOL Ill admit it! I sound like Im forcing myself to say it! (Which I am) Its so hard for me to say sorry when I feel liek I did nothing wrong. I get like this feeling in my body where Im so ANNOYED and I feel like my hairs stand up. Is that really bad?!!!

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JUST Walk away, calm down and think of sad things, and feel sad before you do this. You have to be mentally prepared lol

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22

maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.

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Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk

Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going' Were a hot mess today.

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Sounds like he's defensive. My FH used to be very defensive about lots of things. And whenever we'd argue he'd immediately get defensive and the 'tone' of the argument would get more heated even though I wasn't even upset about anything. But I realized that my approach, he felt like he was being backed against a wall so to speak. So when I can see that going through his mind now I remind him that I'm always on his side, that we're a team and I'm not fighting him or against him, I'm just trying to figure out a solution. As silly as it sounds since I know he already knows, being reminded that I'm on his side and not against him usually seems to help.

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Can I just say, you sound like you know EXACTLY how to handle your man, girl!!!!
Thats what I need to do. Its almost like treating them like a baby. I just have such a bad attitude sometimes and once I hear his tone, my tone instantly changes too!!! Ive never been good with handling defensive people so it gets rough. I need to be more like you. Im gonna call him in a little while and use the, 'Im on your side' method. Ill let you know how it goes!@

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Please do. It really works and I still remind him to this day. Kind of just like we like to be reminded of how they think we're beautiful...things like that. He knows I'm on his side, but sometimes he just need to hear it again to make him feel better. It's taken 5 years but I pretty much have him down. It was very frustrating in the beginning, like when we first started dating, especially since I'm so not like him in that way. But the positives so heavily outweighed those moments of frustration we just really worked on making our differing...sometimes opposing personalities work. And now, though we're not perfect, we 'get' each other. He's a tough nut to crack and it sounds like your FH might be too. Look at it as a challenge.

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Posted by Espo22
JUST Walk away, calm down and think of sad things, and feel sad before you do this. You have to be mentally prepared lol

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OMG Denise, that is hilarious!!! Im gonna try that. Im gonna walk away and think of dying puppies or something and then walk back!

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by ant n tilde

ugh FH doesnt want to go to anything- he uses work as an excuse all the time! and hte annoying thing is that i go to HIS family functions WITHOUT him when he is working but he complains about coming to mine WITH me


he better get it it out of his system bc when we have kids everyone is going to want to see them and we are going to have to be more social, work or no work!

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Mine is the same, he's just not very social period. He's fun don't get me wrong. And it's not because he doesn't like my family per se, he's just gets uncomfortable and anxious very quickly. He'll go, but if an opportunity for an 'out' arises, he'll jump at it. Funny thing is, his family has WAY more functions than mine and I don't mind them at all, then again I enjoy socializing. I just try to pick and choose the functions of my family that are worth pushing him to go to. If it's not vital that he make an appearance I don't force him.

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Same with me. My FH hates going to family things with me. But once he's there, I have to say, he doesn't seem to mind so much. But getting him there is hard - it's gotten easier though in the last few years, we've been dating almost 6 years now. I don't push him if it's not important. But dinner at my moms, or my sister's baby's parties, he goes to with not too much of a fight anymore.

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Espo22
JUST Walk away, calm down and think of sad things, and feel sad before you do this. You have to be mentally prepared lol

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OMG Denise, that is hilarious!!! Im gonna try that. Im gonna walk away and think of dying puppies or something and then walk back!

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yeah you have to, bc at times im so mad i cant even do it...let your acting abilities come through, you can do it lol. Fh even says AHHHHHH you know how to always turn it your way lol

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Posted by Songstress1212

I just called himand his tone is just retarded, I ruined his day, blah blah. He wont see my side. There goes our one day off together...

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Maybe this is better as an in-person convo, not over the phone. Maybe wait till you actually see him....? I know I don't like to discuss stuff like that over the phone.....if FH starts with me over the phone I tell him we're not discussing this now and hang up. He does the same.

this sounds so familiar!
LOL

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by Songstress1212

I just called himand his tone is just retarded, I ruined his day, blah blah. He wont see my side. There goes our one day off together...

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Maybe this is better as an in-person convo, not over the phone. Maybe wait till you actually see him....? I know I don't like to discuss stuff like that over the phone.....if FH starts with me over the phone I tell him we're not discussing this now and hang up. He does the same.

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Hopefully, in person it'll be better. IM done arguing with him though thats for sure.

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

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Posted by ant n tilde

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

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I lie to cover for him too. Its annoying!

all this family talk is making me so hungry lol...I called FH before and he was like OH you are gonna be upset for not coming over today when you find out what i have, his aunt made home made gnocchi, and also another type of home made pasta with sausage and i forgot what type of meat, I am obsessed with pasta and especially when his family makes it home made...i told him im gonna come over and have some even though hes leaving to play softball, ill have dinner with his family without him.

But he said he'll save me a plate for tomorrow.

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by ant n tilde

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

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I lie to cover for him too. Its annoying!

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YEAH some things - its like it ruins my day if we fight over it so i let it go. . .

for example, he never wanted to come to any vendor appointments. one day, i FORCE him to come to a photographer appt. he made me SO MISERABLE the whole way there that i showed up at the place in TEARS and he sat there like a DOPE the whole time then at the end - he tries to book the guy without even telling me first just so he wouldnt have to go to another one

so after that i was like you know what, i will book everything else on my own bc its not worth it - its not worth feeling miserable for days on end

oops sorry i turned this into my own vent LOL

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by ant n tilde

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

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I lie to cover for him too. Its annoying!

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I do too on those days where I don't think he needs to come, but it's not like I can say to my mom...um, he doesn't really need to be here and he'd rather not so I said he could stay home. He actually truly does work alot, and he ends up truly working weekends alot too, so sometimes he is really working so he gets an automatic pass.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by ant n tilde

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

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I lie to cover for him too. Its annoying!

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YEAH some things - its like it ruins my day if we fight over it so i let it go. . .

for example, he never wanted to come to any vendor appointments. one day, i FORCE him to come to a photographer appt. he made me SO MISERABLE the whole way there that i showed up at the place in TEARS and he sat there like a DOPE the whole time then at the end - he tries to book the guy without even telling me first just so he wouldnt have to go to another one

so after that i was like you know what, i will book everything else on my own bc its not worth it - its not worth feeling miserable for days on end

oops sorry i turned this into my own vent LOL

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i agree, sometimes just have to let it go, rather spend time together and have a good time rather than fight.

Dont feel bad, im sitting here talking about pasta W** is myhead at lol

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by ant n tilde

you know what - pick your battles

i gave up - i go to everything on my own and just lie to my family about it. . .

UNLESS it is somewhere far then i make him take me bc i dont drive and i dont want to be stuck somewhere all day if i get a ride

I go to all of his family things, even without him

i dont know what he is going to do when we move upstairs bc then my parents are going to know when i am lying to cover for him - oh well!

---

I lie to cover for him too. Its annoying!

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YEAH some things - its like it ruins my day if we fight over it so i let it go. . .

for example, he never wanted to come to any vendor appointments. one day, i FORCE him to come to a photographer appt. he made me SO MISERABLE the whole way there that i showed up at the place in TEARS and he sat there like a DOPE the whole time then at the end - he tries to book the guy without even telling me first just so he wouldnt have to go to another one

so after that i was like you know what, i will book everything else on my own bc its not worth it - its not worth feeling miserable for days on end

oops sorry i turned this into my own vent LOL

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THATS OKAY! You can use my post to vent. Then I wont feel so alone!